commitment-phobic -- my fault?

Question

how do I get over being dumped (and heart broken) by a commitment-phobic jerk? Why do I feel like it's my fault? I wish I could just solve it by finding someone new..but I KNOW I'm not emotionally ready (worried I might never be... and I'm 32, wasting time)... kind advice, please?

Answer 1

um yea hes a looser..ok....just go out and meet new people no ones getting younger so go out and live ur life...kay??? and just go with ur instincts U GO GIRL!

Answer 2

Your still young, just take your time and make the right decisions in 2007. At least you didn't waste 10 more years with him, that would be a whole lot worse. And maybe in reality you didn't love him as much as you thought you did. But know that usually mature women are always ready to commit for some odd reason whether they're sure or unsure about the relationship their in. We try to make men into what we want when 90 percent of the time their not ready. It's not your fault. Your probably just missing that companionship and thats not love anyway. Main thing to do is just Get Out The House, even if its Wal-Mart. The longer you stay in the house, the more you begin to think and drive yourself crazy with depression.

Answer 3

Ok i deal with this sort of thing alot with people I know, so you're definately not alone in this situation.

The first step is realizing its not your fault. Which is often the hardest part. Depending on the depth of your relationship with him you may know his past history with women. If you see a trend (short term relationships, unforseen/un-warrented separations, etc) then its plain to see that the problem lies within his own psyche. But its important that you don't harbor ill feelings towards him, this will only prolong the grieving period. Think of all the good times you had with him and the good times before he came (good times are always around the corner!).

There is always a grieving period following break-ups which vary in length (Whether it be a fleeting moment of regret or months of introversion.) The main thing to realize is that when you get into a serious relationship, a part of you becomes shared with one another and cannot be separated no matter how much time passes. The sooner you realize this the better, for once you do you'll be able to accept that though he will always hold a place in your heart he was just a small piece of you, which there is always more for you to share with someone else.

Once you truly understand all of this you will be ready to put yourself out there again. But don't rush into anything, most of the deepest regrets people have occur after something traumatizing like a break-up, this will only leave you feeling worse!

Take your time, how your feeling is natural and healthy (hell if you weren't sad, what would that say about your relationship ability!). You are NOT to blame, you are NOT alone, we will move on from this!

I have faith that you will get over this and become stronger, if you need anything please feel free to contact me via the messenger or my e-mail listed in my profile.

Answer 4

Not sure of your situation. Are you being dumped by the same person that is not willing to commit, or do you keep getting involved with men who are affraid of committment? Dont really have enough info here but I will try. If you are attracted to men who are afraid of committment, than you will need a counselor to help you to over come this. People who are attracted to these kind of men usually had a dad that never stayed around much or was unfaithful. A good counselor can help you overcome this need to be with someone like that. If you are getting dumped by the same person than you need some knowledge of what to do. Here again some good counseling will help with that. Some of the problem may be at your end too. Are you sending signals to him that you are in a hurry for marriage? This can be a turn off. Are you controlling? Are you a door mat.There are several senarios that could be happening here. There are 2 books I recommend. One is "Boundaries in dating" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The other is "How to avoid Mr. Wrong", by the same authors. You can get them in most Christian Book stores. Sorry I could not be of more help, but I dont have any more details as to your situation. But remember this, there is a solution to your problem, just reach out and get the right kind of help. Hope this helps. God Bless. :)

Answer 5

Were you not commmitted? If your not committed to the relationship, then I would leave to (no offense). I think love is about committment, and sacrifice. If you want to bounce around your entire life, then thats up to you, but for me its all about being faithful to the one I love. Thats what makes marriages so special, to love each other with an endless love. If your heartbroken, then you must have really cared about that person, which makes me wonder why you wouldn't have been committed. Despair comes from putting your hope in something, and then getting that very thing taken away from you. That is why having God at the center of one's life is the most important. Because with God, there is more than enough hope. Just look at what happend to Kurt Cobain. But anyways you need to be happy being yourself. And when you find the guy you want then love him as much as yourself, and everything will turn out fine.

Answer 6

Yes, it is your fault for not getting rid of the guy sooner. You are adding all this extra stress to your life for no real reason. Unless you like drama and unpleasentness.

If this guy is not going in the same direction you are, get rid of him. There are hundreds of other men who are ready to committ to a GOOD woman your age.

Okey, and don't get a man to "solve you emtional problems" that is wrong. That is just using him as a punching bag, and by doing that, you'll end up alone again. You need to deal with this lonliness thing before you move onto another man you want for marriage.

And as for giving "kind advice" you need a wakeup call. So forgive me if i dont surgar coat this, but you need to hear it in the raw and get a grip...

Answer 7

It is not your fault that he couldn't commit. Take some time to get over him, but don't take too long. Get out and start dating. You can easily find out if the next guy is afraid of commitment. Ask him about what he wants and what exactly it is that he's looking for that way you don't waste your time on someone who's not looking for a commitment.

Answer 8

Well I broke up with my boyfriend the hard way found out he was a two face said he loved me then turn around and say he dont want to be with me. My advice give it time it took me three months to kind of get over him give time that special some one will come sooner then you expect I found my special some one at the bus stop we both play sports so we didn't look all that cute dressed up he runs track and i play soccer. When you do find that special somebody dont rush give time like kelly (its this girl on yahoo answers that gives bomb advices) said "One of my favorite quotes is: "A great frienship is the way to a great love." " Well me and this guy are hanging out and we're getting to know each other gurl you gonna find that special somebody just be patient

Answer 9

First of all, my very best wishes to you, your family and friends around you, for the New Year. May all your prayers, dreams and desires be fulfilled and may you never come across any odds in your life. I pray for your endless joys and happiness.
ANSWER: Please do not brand this event as if this is the end of your life or, the road of your life has come to an end.
Have your total trust in GOD ALMIGHTY. This man was never meant for you and GOD has saved you from a bigger loss, if it would have continued. You owned him and that's why you are hurt. This is no age to waste your beautiful life for a heartless man. Take your strides forward, this world is beautiful and waiting for you. Don't be unthankful to GOD for this one nightmare. Its over....its a history now. Smile and your scars will be gone. I wish you endless happiness. Don't lose your own self and your identity for one headless person.

Answer 10

It's not your fault. And apparently he's not the guy for you.
Its ok not to feel emoitionally ready for a new relationship.
As long as you don't let that unreadiness rule over your life. Eventually, you'll have to take a chance with guys.

Answer 11

a psychologist might be a good start

I feel emotionally stuck too

I know I could get a girlfriend, just not sure if I could get one I would like and love.

we have to play the hands we get dealt, some folks are born blind and crippled, some have trust funds and good health

the emotional card game is the same, some luck and how you play