Why is being alone so bad?

Question

In the past 10 years, I was in a one year relationship, then got out of that one for a 5 year relationship and then out of that one for a 2 year relationship and then out of that one for a 5 month relationship. I have never been single for more that a few months at a time.
I can't help but think that I am with these guys for such a long period of time because I am scared to be alone.
They don't treat me well and there is no reason why I would be with them for so long.
I think that I am so scared of being alone that I am falling for any guy that comes along. What if I am missing out on Mr. Right because of this?
I mean really though, why is being alone such a bad thing. Here is my issue with it, I enjoy the security. It also seems that if you are single, the thing to do is drink every weekend so you can find that special person there ;p but I enjoy just staying at home and watching TV and cuddling up to someone instead.
Please help me understand the benefits of being alone.

Answer 1

Honey, I cant explain how much I was just like you! I have my fiance now and till this day the fear of being alone still haunts me!The fear of being alone is scary.You feel like its the most secure and best route to go being in a relationship right? I said and thought all the things you're saying.Going out on weekends and drinking and all that other bullshyt! BUT there can be a fun edge to it.If you have a group of friends(I didnt) go out and just HAVE FUN to have fun ..not to hook up with anybody.They say dont look for love, let love find you.But if you're like me I went looking for it! Yes you're missing out on all the maybe right or close to right guys for u because you're busy just picking anyone who comes along! And thats not good! You dont settle for less, you settle for the BEST! If he's not what you're looking for, dont force yourself to see the good things in him, ignoring all the things you dont like because it will catch up to you, and when it does, things end by you guys going seperate ways.That ending hurts all the time.If you really want someone to give you what you're longing for instead of just casual sex and problems..Go on alot of dates with alot of different guys! Feel them out.pick what you dont like and what you do like.Pick what you can put up with and what you cant put up with.If you feel like you can put up with a certain guy despite his flaws and u see a future for the both of you, then start building on something with him.If you feel like it can work theres a pretty good chance you can make it work.If you settle for anything, you dont know what you'll end up with! Dont be scared to be alone, Girl. You'll be fine.What dosent kill you makes you stronger.Being alone dosent mean you dont have anything to live for....it just means that you're exploring a chapter in your life with your best friend...YOU! Who knows you better then YOU? Who knows what you want more then YOU? When the right one does come along and you find him it'll be better simply because you'll appreciate him more.You'll appreciate him for what a wonderful man he really is and not just because you want to be with someone to feel secure.Trust me on this.You're like a bird in a cage right now...spread your wings and fly! Leave the nest! Its the new year...Out with the old and in with the new! Theres alot of pros to being single.No commitment,nobody to answer to,no arguments,party and have fun at all times, etc. Its alot of cons too.Thats just life babygirl, I wish you the best of luck.Sorry for writing a story! LOL My email is [e-mail] if you need any advice or support.

Answer 2

Being single is not a bad thing! I have always been in long relationships, my last ending under a very traumatic circumstance. At first, my reaction was to stay single so I could heal my wounds, while I had alot of pressure to date again. ( friends, meeting new people etc.) After a while I realized being single was opening my eyes and helping me discover who I really am. The things I like doing but couldn't because of the "other half". I was able to concentrate on me, just me and fixing anything I felt I needed to fix about myself without someone else being there to influence me. It has been alittle over a year now since I've been in any type of relationship, and I feel the best I have have. I am glad I took a break from relationships. When you settle for someone just because, you are cutting yourself short. Not only that, but you just might miss out on that special someone!

Please, NEVER stay in any type of relationship, or continue to date ANYONE who doesn't treat you with respect. No matter how affraid you maybe of being alone, that's where a good friend comes in. I wish you the best of luck, I hope this helps in some way.

Answer 3

Okay here's the answer you have been waiting for. You need to figure out if being alone or feeling lonely is your problem. The difference between the two is this. Being alone is something we all should experience in our lifetime. It gives you time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. Reflecting on the person you have become verses the person you might have been or even want to be. Feeling lonely is a totally different story. If you feel you can not get threw the day without knowing you have someone to come home to or go out with and you can't function for doing nothing but thinking about how lonely you are, you have a problem. See if you don't have other things in your life that are worth while then you will feeel empty regaurdless if you keep putting men in it to fill the gasp. It's important to your self worth to have things that make you excited about wakingup in the morning besides the fact that you have no man. Try doing something that will help you get pass these feelings of lonelyness. Get a hobby or volunteer. I'm sure you have friends and family that fill up space within in your heart. Thats what it is about . Filling the void. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I believe that I would rather admit that I am wrong in an argument than to be right all the time. I have learned that we don't always agree on things in life but we can be wrong and happy or right and single. My wife and I have worked on this for a while now and it seems to be working out for us. We were both miserable and thought it would be best to go our separate ways. We then decided that it was okay to admit we aren't perfect and we are sometimes wrong. It has made us much happier and more relaxed. I am going to say if you are truly miserable then you are better off around other people. If you can work it out at least give it a try. I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 5

Instead of going out and drinking and looking for the special person, maybe you should stay at home and try to figure out what you want (not literally). If you know what you want, you'll be less likely to fall for any ol' guy that comes along. Set some good standards, and develop your own interests (Example, if you like to dance, take a latin dancing class, etc.) Being alone is the perfect time to do these things.

Answer 6

Sometimes being alone can be difficult.
I think that when we are outside the company of other human beings we are forced to deal with ourselves.
Possibly forced to think about those things that maybe we don't like about ourselves, that are too painful to deal with.
When we surround ourselves with other people we can move that focus onto them and away from us.
Sometimes we will settle for the company of anyone who will have us, just to escape for a moment that pain and find comfort.
Being dependant on others in this way can be an emotional roller coaster as not only do people need to be there but it also depends on their moods.
Sometimes relationships with these people might be superficial and meaningless so they do not last.
If this is the case, then sometimes that loneliness lingers even when we are in the company of others.

Being alone doesn't have to be a bad thing.
It is a good time to look within oneself. To grow and build as a person and find inner freedom and strength.
Finding comfort within oneself can lead to greater self esteem and confidence.
Confidence that can lead to greater personal relationships, ones of meaning that are long lasting.

Think of that alone time as your own personal time. Time that you spend focusing on you because you are important.

All the best

Answer 7

Like you, I managed to date every loser in the country. One jerk even broke my arm. I finally understood that there were a lot of things out there worse than being alone, and I had found it. I stopped dating and started spending time with just me. I discovered that I am a great girl. I developed my creative side - started painting again, hiking, doing fun things. I would go to bed early and read some wonderful books. I decided that I liked me and my arm wouldn't get broken and my eyes wouldn't get blackened. Then, out of nowhere, when I was least expecting it, the greatest man ever entered my life. He is not only handsome, sexy as hell, but kind and loving, too. How lucky am I? True, it isn't easy at first to step out of the dating/partying arena, but you really need to take a break and discover who you are and what you want. Trust me, it is worth the effort. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with being alone. People especially women have been socialized to believe that the only normal situation is a heterosexual relationship. Many people choose to be alone and are quite happy that way. If you want something to cuddle up with get yourself a kitten. They are far less trouble than a man and they don't leave there socks all over the floor. Good luck to you and believe me when I say that there is nothing wrong with you.

Answer 9

It´s good to be with someone, but not to the point to feel like you need have a boyfriend to feel good, which is a form of emotional dependency. Therefore, I urge you to get to know yourself and learn how to have fun while your alone. You can go shopping and dancing with your girlfriends, buy an interesting book or practice some sport. Maybe you'll like it.

Actually, being alone could be a grattificating experience since you get to know yourself and feel independent.

Answer 10

Why wouldn't you want to depend completely on yourself? There's absolutely no honour in relying on someone else to make you happy. As a single, you are completely in control of your life, with no one person to hold you back from anything. If you need stuff to do, just go out with your girlfriends and have a fun time without worrying about men.