My mom hasn't been there since I was 14, I'm now 20. She refuses to get a job, only shows face when she needs something. Doesn't show for holidays, and if she does it only for a half hour. I'm not the only one who sees this. She and my dad live apart. I think just because you are a parent doesn't mean you get respect, but should earn it by being a good parent. I can't stand my mother, I wish I could because shes the only one I have. Is it right to hate your mom because she doesn't act like a mom?
2007-01-01 15:01:34 · 10 answers · asked by All I have to do is dream... 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have the right to your feelings.
You dislike your mother for the things she does and doesn't do, that's understandable.
I had people tell me that I'm not right for the way I talk to my mother and treat her. My answer to that is: do you know my mother? Do you know what she has and hasn't done for me? Then don't judge.
What I do is treat her like she is my mother to a certain extent but I tell her I don't respect her and I tell her what I feel. I ask her to change or stay away from my family.
I also see a mental health doctor because of this and it helps.
2007-01-01 20:13:06 · answer #1 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure that you actually hate her and aren't really, really angry at her actions?
From what you have said, she is not a safe person to be around. When she decided not to be around since you were 14, then she gave up a lot. In order to win back your respect, I would think that she will have to try to be around and more stable.
Be mad at her and keep your boundaries. Don't expect a mom from her; just don't.
And pray for God to provide a mom for you somewhere else; I'm sure He will.
Best wishes for the New Year.
2007-01-01 23:07:00 · answer #2 · answered by autimom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have been in a similar situation.. i just last month finally realized that i need to stop doing as my mother says for one, two remember mom and dads are here to raise you but once you move out your on your own.. three.. your never alone you have friends and god.. The hardest thing for me was to tell my mother no one day.. it was hard but it felt so good. it was like a big weight fell off... she was mad at first but now she's slowly comming around.. you can love your mom but your right respect has to be earned. good for you..
2007-01-01 23:07:21 · answer #3 · answered by Mikentab R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, hate isn't good. You need to forgive, but that doesn't mean you should subject yourself to being hurt by her. I've been estranged from my father for 14 years. I'm much happier without him. He is an abusive man.
My stepdaughter is going to walk away from her mother when she turns 18. Her mom is cruel, downright evil. She has been verbally abusive to my stepdaughter all her life. She is the most selfish person I have ever know and always puts herself first before her daughter.
2007-01-01 23:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by WonderWoman 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is the one with the problem. My mother stopped being a mom at age 8. She left me and my brothers with a father who was sick. Then tried to make up for it at 15?? Well she is a narcissistic so she tried to pretend like she was the best mother... She let my stepfather who was an alcoholic treat me like crap, lock me out and then finally kicked me out at 16 and lived with friends for a month then got an apt...
But anyway, sometimes you have to make your own family with friends and people who REALLY CARE about you.
Your mom is really missing out, you sound like such a sweet person. I hate my mom at times but then I think to myself I can't hold on to that hate because it is not good for me or my daughter.....
2007-01-01 23:21:34 · answer #5 · answered by angelsmommy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can still love a person but not like their actions. And you can still be a parent and be a total jerk. Just because you have given birth does not qualify you to be a parent. Learn from her actions and strive to raise your children with love and respect and nurturing. It will come back to you. Best of luck to you and remember, you didn't choose your parents.
2007-01-01 23:05:21 · answer #6 · answered by biker_beeotch 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your mom has a problem dear...you may not be able to
change it....however, she is your mother.
You will only have one mother in your life. So try to analyze
the situation. People are the way they are sometimes for a reason, what was her past like, when she was a kid....
Sometimes people's past and the way they have lived
their growing years impact their lives for the rest of their
lives....
....have you thought about that?
Learn to accept your mother, love her unconditionally, it is
hard but she is your mother....you can only change one person and that is yourself.
2007-01-01 23:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by miriam8676@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm very much like you. I absolutely hate my mom. She's llike an immature kid who never grew up. She not very intelligent, even though she always think she is. She always acts like she knows everything just because she's an "adult". I hate her!!!
Oh, she used to beat me a lot when I was little whenever she gets mad at me. I hate that B-I-T-C-H!!! She never acted like a mother to me.
2007-01-01 23:22:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, don't hate her. But, just because you're born into a family, it doesn't mean you have to love or even like them. Just go on with your life - she's the one missing out. You don't have to love someone just because they're related to you.
2007-01-01 23:04:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love her anyways... It will make you the better person. I know it's hard to forgive people, but hanging on to anger for someone Isn't doing anything but harming you.
2007-01-01 23:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋