How can I as a 15 year old, solve a ffamily crisis?

Question

My mom comes from a large family of 6 children. 5 sisters, and 1 brother. My 1 aunt was recently diagnosed with cancer, and soon passed after that. There was much care for her that took placed during this 6 month time period. These sisters have always gotten along okay. My mom and her 1 sister pretty much never got along though. The brother also never got along with that same sister. This sister now causing very much trouble, and now this whole event has caused a huge rift in the family, and this is definitley not how my aunt would have wanted it. She was very caring and carefree. Oh, my aunt that passed, lived with her parents her entire life, and eventually married. She was then diagnosed, and we found out her husband was crazy, and he then ended up killing himself. But, like i was saying before there is a huge fight now.

There are definitley sides chosen:

My mom, her brother, her mom

The 1 sister, another sister, their dad

1 sister stays in the middle

What can I do?

I'm currently adding more details so don't answer yet.

this 1 sister that is leading the cause. Her goal is to drive my mom and her brother out of the family, along with her own mother. My mom has a hot temper, but she has tried, along with her brother, repediatley to fix things. We thought everything was good, and there was a huge blow out once again today.

Also, this sister has caused the brother to leave the family. He did so for like four years, and has chosen to come back recently. His mom understands what happens, but his dad is so brainwash by the "head" sister, he refuses to believe anybody but her.


Why is my this family so messed up? This is driving everybody crazy, and my mom wants to move, and she plans on looking for houses as soon as possibly.

Is there anything I can do? Why is this family so dysfunctional? Also, if anybody has any stories they want to share, feel free.

Thanks for all the help in advance!

This is also causing my grandparents to split up.

Mz . Debb, the thing is, I'm having trouble loving the other side, i guess you could call it. Even my own grandfather. He has been very sneaky and caused my sorrow for my mom. And I can say full heartedly that I hate the "head" sister, along with the other 1. She told my mom today that she was no longer her sister. And the other sister said that she wants nothing to do with my mom and brother. It's hard for me not to take the side of my mother, who I love more than anybody in the world. It's impossible for me not to.

Angel, to address your answer. I know i'm only giving one point of view, but I am 100% sure of this. She has also driven 1 cousin out of the family.
She married into money, and thinks she s better than the rest of us. Some of her sayings are, "Oh $6000, that's chump change." While both my parents work, along with the entire family, to earn their money. She sits around all day, and is so bossy. She needs a job, so she can learn to take orders once in a while.

Can't chose a best answer for this, they are all helpful. Thanks everybody!

I'll also take a point lose, so don't be mad at me!!

Answer 1

just stay by u'r mom & let her know that she can count on u ... irrespective ....

i'm amazed by u'r maturity at 15, luke ... having bagged a handfull of points on laptops / pc's from u
i never imagined i was dealing with a 15 yr old, honestly

i too had a dysfunctional family & now am slowly mellowing at 45, lol

u cannot change ppl, places & circumstances .... accept that fact., sure to make u feel better
u sure surrounded by lottsa sick ppl, treat them so ... 'sick'
u don't need to be a door-mat, assert u'rself & make known "dont step on my toes"

let them do the witch-hunting, scheming & all ...

live life to the fullest & don't let them bug u down > which means playing into their hands

u have enuf courage boy, i'm pretty sure u'll tide over
god-willing !

my prayers, pal !

Answer 2

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It's too much for you, as a 15-y.o., to take on. But I understand that you want to help. You may want to go to the library and get some books about grieving. Many times people find it easier to express anger than to acknowledge how much the death hurts them. That's why so many families go at it when someone dies -- mixing it up and arguing is a lot more comfortable than the raw sorrow that comes with facing a death.

Hard as it is, I would suggest that you keep a low profile and try to stay out of it as much as you can. If the adults keep wanting to bring it up and involve you in it, you can say how you feel, very simply: "It upsets me to see you all in disagreement." Or, you can talk about your aunt. It's probably better not to say things like, "Aunt so and so wouldn't have wanted this," because sometimes that can fan the flames. You can say, "I know we are all missing Aunt (Name). It's hard to accept that she isn't here anymore." You can mention a memory of her that you recall fondly -- something about her that you especially liked, or something you did with her, or anything that brings a good feeling to you. Good luck with all this, and God bless!

Answer 3

You are in quite the pickle. I don't envy your situation at all. Unfortunately, I totally understand what you are going through. I have family members that also cause a lot of problem. I spent many years trying to be the one that got a long with and trying to keep the family together. All I did was stress myself out even more, and end up fighting with people myself. The most important thing for you to do is support your Mom and keep the two of you sane. Listen to her, understand and be there for her. Hopefully all of this will work itself out and it might not help to remind everyone that this isn't how your aunt would have wanted them to be. I wish you the best of luck with this situation.

Answer 4

Emotions always run high when someone dies that we know and loved. I've been through a similar situation when my mother died. I am one of 9 children, so it got kind of ugly for a while.
Whole heatedly know that it isn't your job to fix things. They are adults and can make their own choices about how they handle their lives with each other. We can't control what other people do and sometimes getting in the middle of it only makes it worse.
Don't take sides, stay as neutral as possible. If they talk about each other to you tell them you don't want to hear it because you love both of them.
Above all, give it some time. When people are grieving they do a lot of hurtful things. It's because they are all in pain over the death of their sibling. We have to extend a lot of grace to all of those affected by her death, even yourself. It's not easy, but it will settle down and get better.
Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

Honey your family is no more dysfunctional than many others, thought it looks from what has been written that the 1 sister is a **** disturber and needs to be put in her place, who the hell is she to say **** about anybody. She needs taken down a peg but i don't know how since i can not tell who said what to who etc. If you know who is right and who is wrong you are old enough to voice an opinion and hold to what you believe is right.

Answer 6

I'm sorry, i am 15 and I don't know what I would do, but there was a four month period last year where I lost 8 very important people from my life so I am very sorry about what is going on but, none of it is your problem i think that the situation will work outo by its self

Answer 7

this sounds exactly like what happened to my family when my grandmother on my mothers side died. except there were eleven including my mom. six girls and five boys. they almost got in a fight on the day of my grandmothers funeral. it was pretty viscious. if you could only imagine the drama and the angry in their eyes. i wanted to do something, like say this really inspirational speach or something like on the tv shows, but what i realized was nothing i could really do. Sure i threw my two cents in, but when it all came down to it. there was nothing i could do at all. specialy since im only 14. like a bunch of grown ups were gonna listen. so my advice is to let it pass by even if it does cause grief and anxiety. the only thing you can do is not let it get to you so much.

Answer 8

The death of the sister has thrown your mom's family into a tailspin. It's too bad because they should be getting closer. Perhaps they are all terrified. I don't know.

The first answer is right--this is not your problem to fix. Support your mom because she'll need it.

And pray that the rift is healed.

Answer 9

You are 15, and it sounds like you head is on tighter than most of the adults in your family. You need to be worrying about 15 year old problems, not this.

But, being 15, you could "call them all out" on how childish they are acting. Maybe it would be the "slap in the face" they need.

Answer 10

i think it's heard to chose side ,or to ignore the situation when you i part of that family, part of what make a great adult is their child hood they may have got, i say you should take side show them what it mean to get alone with each other, if you i so worry about it it means you i the one who gonna make them see or question the way they have been to each other, you should know you are not too little to talk to all of them, and figure out whats going on with each individual in insist you stand your ground doing it. pieces of advise their is know time to be a kids when you i the one being the adult.