My family has just found out that that my brother has cancer:(?

Question

Me and my four siblings want to do something special for him and buy him a gift any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.
one idea we had is that we would tell his wife not to make anything for dinner and we would bring a dinner over for them, and we want o get him some kind of gift. your help and suggestions would be apprecaited:) Thank you and God Bless.
The dr's have removed 80% of his stomach.

Answer 1

I understand what you are going through. My teenage son was diagnosed 22 months ago with stage IV abdominal sarcoma. He's actually doing pretty well considering how much cancer he had initially. There is always hope, remember, always.

But, to your question. The first three or four months of my sons treatment were a total blackout and nightmare for everyone involved. He had just turned 17 years old and seemed healthy . . we did not know he had cancer until he was admitted to the hospital. I didn't leave his side for 33 days.
But, anyway what helped the most was having meals done every day and delivered to the house. Also friends, neighbors and family members built my son a new room on the first floor of the house and added a bathroom for him. Enormously helpful. We had one family member who cleaned his room every morning (when I went back to work).

My son had a Make a Wish and he chose to have his room turned into a Home Theater (complete with popcorn machine, refrig, movies, DVD, high definition, gaming equipment, and all the techie stuff). I do not know how much money you wish to spend on a gift, but the big screen TV was a big hit not only with our son, but with all his friends that came to visit too.

Another gift idea, if he is well enough, is to send his family on a trip. That's usually pretty difficult if he still needs treatment and needs to be close by his doctors. But many people do take trips, so that's just an idea.

I know a young man who also had the abdominal tumors and he was given a hot tub - but you might need to be really careful about that, check with his doctors.

The best gift, of course, will just be your time and love. Put together a video of your whole family when you were all growing up together.

I know that you are all stunned right now and just want to help him so bad. It's an awful feeling, just rotten not knowing what to do to ease someones anguish. Depending upon how your brother feels about this . . you might offer to do some research for him to find out as much about the disease as possible. Sometimes this requires alot of reading, either online or through a medical library. You could gather the information for him. I've done alot of research for my son's disease. It is extremely rare, but though this effort I found a support group of other patients and caregivers. Sometimes it is a relief to find someone who totally understands what you are going through and you can talk to about this.

Be strong. Here are a few sites to get you started:

American Cancer Society
http://www.cancer.org/

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_1X_What_is_stomach_cancer_40.asp

Medline Plus: Stomach Cancer
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/stomachcancer.html

NCI: Treatment Guide for Stomach Cancer
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/stomach/

NCCN: Clinical Practice Guidelines for Gastric Cancer - Physicians guide
http://www.nccn.org/professionals/physician_gls/PDF/gastric.pdf

Peace to you and I am sure that whatever you chose to do for your brother . . will be the right thing. Take care.

Answer 2

Be there for him, I think that's the best gift, both for him and his wife. That's what we did for one of my friends who was diagnosed recently.

It's good that he has his wife with him, to keep his spirits up, but sometimes it can be tiring, more so when the person goes into depression. That's why you should be there to give his wife a break sometimes. Also, there are some things he might be more free to speak about with you than with his wife. This can be a burden, I know, but it is an enormous relief to be able to tell them to somebody.

What we also did for my friend is clean up and rearrange her house. This may seem like a little thing but most of the time when you are depressed, you are not able to do these simple things.

And don't arrange a big party with too many people. Your brother has had a difficult surgery and you need a lot of rest after that to recover. It's better to have few people coming often than a lot of people coming at the same time and then nobody.

All I can do is wish you a lot of strenght and courage to support your brother and his wife.

Answer 3

Sorry 2 hear about your Brother. Since they had 2 remove 80% of his stomach...offering Dinner may not be the best area to render your support. He may also be on a very restrictive diet, etc. Instead of a 'tangible' gift...& if U R near a larger-type City..if he is physically able..take him to a 'live' play or a Theatre experience, Symphony, etc. Or a half-day 'tour' or something to help him feel so very 'special'. His physical strngth will dictate alot of this. Sometimes just bringing an old favorite movie over to watch with him...or some soft conversation of times when you were growing up...Ask his wife, quietly & privately...& if u go to his house....try not to 'compete' with the TV...turn it off! I'm thinking he might like some 'gentle' tyupe of loving.... Anyway, hope I've helped.

Answer 4

I think that just your presence in his life and the life of his family means alot to him. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone who is recovering from a very serious illness is thing that we take for granted in our daily lives. Like getting the laundry done. Doing the dishes. Vacuuming the rug. Going to the grocery store. Perhaps taking his children (if he has any) for a day to relieve the stress around the house. The fact that they have removed 80 percent of hi stomach ...I'm sure means he is on a special diet for a while and may not be able to eat just anything you bring over. Sometimes after recovering some people need time to adjust to their new lives in quiet for a bit. Call his wife and ask what you all can do to make things easier or nicer for them. Tell her a few of your ideas and see how she reacts to it. Your love and support is all he really needs. Peace be with all of you during this difficult time

Answer 5

Do something that will help him for a gift...the dinner idea is great, but help pitch in on taking him to appointments, etc.

His wife is DEFINITELY going to need some time out from taking care of him (I don't know how much he depends on her), but when I was taking care of my grandmother who had become an amputee, it was 24/7 with no help, and I honest to God felt that I would LOVE to be injured in a car wreck or something and finally have a break.

It's sad...but something a caregiver DEFINITELY goes through...and it would SURE be SUCH a great gift to your brother to realize that they both will have your support.

My one last thought...DON'T make him feel as if he's a burden to ANYONE. Treat him as special as he has always been...accept that he has cancer, but act like he does not. Don't let him "succumb" to being a cancer patient mentally.

That's what I did for grandma...I made SURE she did not "feel" like an amputee, but still a valued, productive member of the world.

(((HUGS)))

Answer 6

I have leukemia, and am 17. I have to spend a lot of time in the hospital, and I don't get to see my brother and sister a lot. I know that It helps me to just have them here, Sometimes they sleep over and we watch movies. I hope that everything goes well and you are in my prayers. I know how hard it is, but try to keep his spirit up. It helps more than you know. Also, if he has access to a computer with internet, a great site to go on is www.caringbridge.org
it is like a myspace for sick people. He can update it when he feels well, so that way, people aren't always calling , also, anyone can leave a message for him. It's a lot easier to read what people say than to talk to them when you feel really sick.
I sincerely hope that he gets better, and I wish your whole family well.

Answer 7

I think if you got a lot of your family pictures together and took them to a place and had a video made of them on vhs or dvd that he would really appreciate that. Also, make a video for him having each of you tell him how much you love him and why he is so special to each of you would be really wonderful. I think something like this would mean more to him than anything you could buy for him.

Answer 8

Since your brother is probaly in bed, perhaps you could buy him some positive thinking books, some of his favorite music, some held hand games, like tetris, wheel of fortune etc. If you want to go the extra mile. Your family could get a bit fun and learn one of his favorite songs and put on a talent show from a song of one of his favorite bands. If I saw my family trying to lip sync to one my favorite bands. KISS, that would crack me up. Check with Doc first to make sure that would not hurt his stomach by laughter.

Answer 9

How about a soothing, instrumental CD of songs he likes? If he's had most of his stomach removed, he may not be able to really enjoy the meal you bring, but sure would like the music....

Answer 10

When my husband was going thru radiation chemo gamma knife, let me tell you the most helpful thing was my friends came over and cleaned my house and did laundry. The food helps also. When he was first diagnosed we had parties cook outs all our friends and family over took alot of pictures. So very sorry for him and your family. My husband was diagnosed March 20th and passed June 6th. Stay strong. I will be thinking of you.