What did I do wrong with her??

Question

My daughter and I had a pretty open relationship or so I thought. I took her to the doctor and when they asked if she was sexually active she said yes. I was shocked. What do I do?? How do I approach this?? Is this normal?? She is 16. My son began having sex at 16, but I am more upset with it being my daughter.
why wouldn't she tell me?? I would have accepted it just as I did with my son.

Answer 1

well, if she answered that question in front of you, she DID tell you, just not in the way you would have preferred.

Answer 2

This is a problem? She's going to a doctor's office with you, answers questions that she could have simply lied about, and you've done something wrong?

Any parent I know would be thrilled that they got to accompany their child during the doctor's visit and that he/she (the child, not the doctor) felt free enough to talk about this subject in front of their parents.

If she's not pregnant or suffering an STD, you've done great. If you start chewing her up for not talking with you about it, I can think of few things that would be as quick to raise a wall between you two.

If you still feel like this is a crisis:
Treat a conversation on this subject as a normal, matter of fact thing: Don't exaggerate, don't complicate, and don't start making it a comparison between her and anyone else. Be willing to be as open about your sexual beginnings as possible, because it will get asked -- so be prepared to answer.

Answer 3

The past is the past, look towards the future and take action. Talk to your daughter, let her know that you still love and care for her, but also that you are hurt that she wouldn't come forward and talk to you about premarital sex. You also need to make her aware of all the risks of contracting STDs and teen age pregnancy. If you daughter chooses to be sexually active make sure she is aware of the risks that she is exposing her self to. Check with planned parenthood, they may have some have ideas and suggestions on how to approach your daughter in regards to this, but most importantly let her know that you still love and care for her very much.

Answer 4

Just talk to her and ask her why she didn't feel comfortable telling you. She may have been embarrassed or thought that you would freak out for some reason. Make sure that you reassure her that you don't think less of her for having sex so young and that she is practicing safe sex. Then just make sure that she knows that she can come to you and tell you anything and that you want her to regardless of what it is because she is your daughter and you love her always, no matter what.

Answer 5

I am surprised she let you be in the room for that question, so your relationship is better off then mine was when I was her age. I would definitely discuss it with her and why she never came to you and make sure she understands about safe sex and birth control and especially about the responsibilities that young parents have because there is entirely too many teen moms out there who just don't realize what it takes and think its a game.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Now that you know, tell her you want to tell her a few things. Tell her that she does not need to keep it a secret from you and that if she is going to have sex to practice safe sex. You need to move on. I had an open relationship with my mother and I waited to tell her and I was 22. It is not something you really want to tell your mother. Probably because she knew your reaction was going to not be that great. Turn this around and help her stay safe.

Answer 7

Even with the most open relationships a daughter may still find it hard to discuss sex with her mom. It obviously upsets you that she didn't talk to you so you should sit her down and talk to her. I'm sure she probably is worried that you ae upset with her so please be calm. Explain that you are upset that she didn't feel comfortable talking to you about this. Also please be sure to explain the risks of contracting and STD/AIDS. and assist her with protecting herself. My all means you can tell her your feelings of why it is wrong but if she is already doing it you probably not going to be able to stop her but PLEASE keep her safe. Pregnancy isn't the worse thing that can happen anymore...dying is. GOOD LUCK>>

Answer 8

Well it happens. At least she's not 12. You probably view your daughter as your baby. She probably didn't tell you because she may have thought that you would have told her not to be active.

You have to remember teens think completely different from parents. Just sit down and have a talk with her and be caring.

Answer 9

Kids are getting younger and younger when they start having sex. Teenagers often have sex, because "everyone else is doing it". I would suggest being happy she's at least admitting it (most teenagers will lie) and make sure she knows all about safe sex. Condoms, birth control, etc.

Answer 10

Tell her what you just told us.
She REALLY needs you to talk to her about sex and i think it would be best coming from a mother.
Make sure she stays safe.
I don't think you did anything wrong...its very normal for a teen to not want to talk to their parents about sex.lol for some reason...teens think their parents wouldn't understand or have a clue about sex...lol...go figure.
* good thing you found out though.

Answer 11

HI, JUST TALK TO HER ABOUT SEX, MAKE SURE SHE IS HAVING SAFE SEX. AT THIS POINT THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO. MAKE SURE THAT SHE KNOWS THAT YOU LOVE HER ALOT. EVERY THING WILL BE OK. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. THINGS LIKE THIS JUST HAPPEN. THE REASON SHE DID NOT TELL YOU IS BECAUSE IT IS REAL PRIVATE. IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL MOM AND DAD. YOU ARE A GREAT MOM. I HOPE I HELP, YVONNE.