OK so my dad and mom got divorced when i was a year n a half old. He disapeared on us, and so my mom raised me alone for all that ime until just after i turned 14. I was doing really well in everythign and she wanted him to know it, to feel bad for losing out on so much i guess.
i went and met him this summer and he is now a big part of my life. it is just so wierd thoguh, having a father figure around now after so much time without... also, he lives 12 hours away, so not like he's around that much anyway, but we talk on the phone and stuff. i just don't know though. i still resent him for leaving me and my mom so long ago... and i don't know if i can totally forgive him, even after now that we are so close. is this right? should i still hate him for that, even thoguh i now love him like an actual father instead of hatin him completaly??
2007-01-01 11:41:43 · 7 answers · asked by Doz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Now that is so heart breaking not knowing your dad after 12 1/2 years later, he comes into your life. He did abandoned you and left, it wasn't your fault. Your mother did a good job in raising you, and you need to thank her for that.
Of course you have resentment towards him because he wasn't there for you as you were growing up. In all reality, he was never a dad to you. He is more like a stranger to you. What you need to do is forgive him for what he's done. I am sure he has had regrets for leaving the both of you, but what matters now is he wants to have a relationship with you and is willing to work on that. What he needs to do is move a little closer to you if he wants to see you more.
You should try talking to him about how you are feeling towards him. I don't think you should hate him, just give him a chance.
Whatever happened between your mom and him, doesn't have to do with you. They should have made it work because now you are paying a price for their behavior.
2007-01-01 16:22:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you shouldn't do is stress over how you are handling his presence in your life---go with what is okay for you---he made a decision to leave for 12 yrs and you can make a decision to take 12 yrs to adjust to it.
If you like talking to him then go for it---he may have had good reasons for being away. Sometimes it is better to have the parent gone if they aren't a good influence.
2007-01-01 20:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by MamaCat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him how you feel? My Dad was out of my life for 22 years. No letters, no support-nothing! He finally called me & asked to see me. I said yes. When he came; I unloaded on him & cleared the air. Your Dad will not like to hear what you have to say but it needs to be said so that you can, perhaps, really forgive him. If he decides to cut you off again, then you know that he really wasn't sorry for what he did to you. If he accepts resposibility for his treatment of you; you will be able to forgive him; you will know that he just made a bad choice that he will have to live with, but you don't. Good Luck!
2007-01-01 20:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by geegee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He walked away and it would be foolish of you to forgive him quickly. That said, never forget what he did, so that if he repeats his abandoning ways that you will not be surprised by it.
Make sure that you learn his habits well so that when you start sifting through men looking for one to marry that you don't pick one like him. He has tell-tale traits that you need to avoid.
Good luck, and make him EARN his way back into your good graces through moral ACTS and not just sweet TALK.
2007-01-01 20:00:23 · answer #4 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI!
I feel bad for you. That has to be very tough!!! I think it is hard when you are not in a situation like that. But I do know from experience that you cannot go on if you do not forgive. I think you need to share this with your dad. You need to let him know that if iot had not been for your mom no one wopuld have cared for you and she has been ther efor everything. your tears sorrows, first steps..everything. let him know how you feel and that you are glad he is in your life, but very concerned too and still hurt tremendously that he left your mom. I wish you luck. alot for a young girl to handle. talk to him and also your mom.
2007-01-01 19:47:06 · answer #5 · answered by -------- 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be angry with your father for abandoning you, even if he did end up coming back. Talk to him about your feelings to help you feel more comfortable with your relationship with him, and so that both of you are on the same page.
2007-01-01 19:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by Earnesty_in_life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is now back in your life, enjoy it. Some people never get that chance to get to know their biological parent. Don't hold any grudges toward him, what's done is done, he's back now, enjoy it.
2007-01-01 19:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋