my mother in=law gets on my damn nerves?

Question

well I do wanna have more children but everytime my husband and I talk about it she always say that we are notready and it's driving me crazy.No matter waht my husband and I decide to do in life it's never good enough. Im always biting my tongue when Im around her. And when my husband gets around her he becomes this little kid all over again. I love her but how should I confront her, adn what if she gets upset?

Answer 1

You need to nip this problem in the bud right now. Have a serious talk with your husband and tell him how you feel and ask him what you both could do different to help in this situation.

You need to make an appointment with your mother-in -law in a quiet out of the way place, still in public, where you can talk honestly with her. Let her know how you feel using the statements, (I feel,) (You make me feel) (I know you don't mean to, but).

Let her know that you love her and want to feel comfortable when you are with her, but you will not be around as much if things do not change!. Try to be polite and gentle yet firm.
Life to to short and precious to let conflict ruin a relationship.
GOD Bless and good luck!

Answer 2

If she gets upset, that is her problem. You and your husband are adults and as such should be able to make decisions without her butting in. Perhaps you should not tell her so much until after the fact. I don't know how close you live to her or how often she is asked to babysit. I also don't know how many children you have now or how many more you plan to have. What are her reasons for saying you are not ready? The next time you are with her, sit quietly and explain that your decisions with your husband are for you to make and it hurts you when she is so negative. If she has not already told you why she feels the way she does, ask her to explain. Do not back her in a corner or point a finger at her. Keep it casual and that you are the one upset by her criticisms. Also, I would space yourself on the visits if it is aggravating you. She is, after all, your mother-in-law, not your best friend.

Answer 3

Generally this problem starts with your husband, he needs to understand that his mother simply can't be telling you and him when it involves your decisions unless it involves her directly. What your mother in law probably fears is that you've already got most of his time, and with children in the picture it kind of leaves her out, so when she says "you're not ready" she means "shes not ready" Talk to your husband about setting boundaries around your relationship and I would suggest limiting what you tell her on your decisions or ideas as you will probably get your dreams crushed by a broken person, she is obviously having trouble letting go. However like I said it starts with your husband, he's the only one that can talk to her about this, help him grow a backbone to stand up to her by letting him know how it affect your marriage and your happiness. DO NOT under any circumstances tell her anything directly because it could backfire on you and it will make you look like the bad guy, believe me MILs can make an ocean out of a glass of water. She may get upset, the best thing to do is just live your lives the way you wish, marriage decisions need only to be made by the people who got married. good luck

Answer 4

You have to fight for yourself. If she interferes in ur matters just let her know your opinion on it and do what u think is right. U have to make her realize that its your life and you will live it the way u like. If u don't want to upset her then u can just listen to what she is saying and be quite, don't say a blunt 'NO' but do what u want to do. She will realize herself that u are not going to follow her instructions without ur own will. If your husband is not supporting you on this issue than try to have an open discussion with him. If that doesn't work then u also stop giving him support when he needs it and let him know that unless he starts supporting you, you will also not support him. And everytime ur MIL does something u dont like, you must tell ur husband and try to make him understand why u feel bad about what ur MIL does and explain him that its better to move away now before the matters get worse. Even if he doesn't understand now, don't give up. He will, sooner or later.

Answer 5

Here's the answer you need, I figured out after it was too late to use maybe you can use it. First be aware when your inlaw says something that gets you mad. Realize that two things. First, that your anger is a defense mechanism that you use to keep yourself from being hurt. You developed this skill from dealing with your previous life experience(s). Second, try not to react in a defensive manner; here's an extreme example to try and explain my idea to you. When she says, "Oh you're not ready for children." You could reply with, "Oh that's interesting that you think that, wouldn't it be interesting if your opinion had any effect on what we do?" Then just do what you think is right for you and consider your inlaws opinions for what they are, their silly opinion.
Good luck.

Answer 6

I think it is time for you and your husband to move to your own home that is a good 20 minute drive from your mother in law.

You will then be able to have your own life and she can adjust her life to fit into yours.

Answer 7

Ahhhhh, the age old question!! lol
Just try to explain to her that all though your husband is her child, he is her ADULT child and she needs to let you guys make your decisions and mistakes on your own. If that doesn't work then let her know that if she cannot respect your wishes that you will not be able to spend as much time together because it is just to stressful on your marriage and your immediate family.

Answer 8

so what if she gets upset,the decision on whether or not to have any more children is strictly between you and your husband,tell your mother in law to take a hike and if she gets upset so what your not married to her

Answer 9

Sounds as though you have a dysfunctional relationship. It takes two to get along and it takes to to have communication break down. Try to build a close relationship with her and then all things will work out.

Answer 10

I would just ignore her. and certainly I would not argue. Anyway it is your and your husband's decision to have more kids, and she has nothing to do with. Just be more patient with her.