What do I do if my 18 YO daughter says she hates her dad because they do not get along?

Question

mostly disagree about curfews, friends, goals, etc

Answer 1

You should tell her that it is ok to say she dislikes strongly some things he might do or say, but that it is not ok to say hate. You know the 21 year old rule, how you find out how smart your parents really were once you jump that next maturity level? Time is the only thing to help her here. I suggest you sit her down and ask her what are her main complaints. Talk about the different points she brings up calmly and rationally together, and see if you can come up with some kind of compromises. Your question reflects a sense of helplessness, so you should take the bulls by the horns, put your foot down, and assume the power position here. You can do it, I'm sure. The important thing is to keep the communication lines open between them and to try to help them reach compromises in trouble areas. It will definitely help your blood pressure, as you will feel you have some control in the situation and have at least tried to help somehow. By doing this, it should also assist you in your own relationship with her dad. Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, saying you hate someone and actually hating that person are two different things!

She's 18, technically speaking that's an adult. Maybe she needs to sit down w/him and try talking to him grown-up to grown-up. She might try negotiating later curfews depending on how reliable and responsible she's been about them up to now. Perhaps he doesn't like some of her friends. If so, she could ask him why. Sometimes parents have a sixth sense about people. As far as goals go, she is still young and he should realize any goals she has (hopefully she does have them!!) may change w/time.

I think it's all about good communication. She's not a little girl anymore and he shouldn't treat her like one (I know, 'tho, that w/some dads, they're always going to think of their daughters as their "little girls"!!).

Answer 3

There is nothing you can do about it except to remind her that it is what he says she hates, not him. At 18, however, I don't know why she has a curfew. If she is living at home, she should respect both of you by letting you know where she is going and what time she will be home. Do you think she hangs out with the wrong kind of friend? Is she going to college, trade school, working, anything? If you think she is ok why not sit down with your husband and come to some compromises to present to her on a united front.

Answer 4

She's 18! Of course she isn't going to get along with her dad. He is setting limits for her, and she DOES NOT want limits. I used to be the same way when I was 18, I hated my step dad, fought with my mom, and they made it 10xs worse by grounding me. They ended up giving me an ultimatum when I was 19...either straighten up or move out. I moved out! I am 25 now, and I absolutely love my step dad,I'm closer to him then anyone I know! We had the same personality. I realized now that he was only doing what was best for me. She will understand one day too. She just needs to grow up first. Just set rules for her. Reasonable rules, don't chose her friends for her, and talk about her goals with her. Don't put them down (Your husband I mean). Good Luck. The worst of it is almost over, I promise! Happy New Year!!!

Answer 5

All teenagers go through this, my son thought he hated his dad until dad had a massive heart attack, and son no longer lives at home, has found out that Dad was only trying to help, not ruin the kids life. Just don't let daughter play you and dad against each other. Kids retaliate authority, that's life.

Answer 6

Support your husband to the hilt so that she can hate the both of you. That way, he does not have to bear all the weight of her contempt. Tell her that she must hate you too, because your husband is the only human being on planet earth that you chose to be with.

Tell her she can make the rules right after she gets her own place. Remind her of the golden rule.

If you wanna get sex from your hubby, tell her all of this in front of him.

Answer 7

You should put her in her place. She is not 13 0r 14. She needs to respect her dad. Doesn't he feed and clothe her? Let her know that if she doesn't like the rules, she can move out. You are no longer financially responsible for her. We'll see who's going to put a roof over her head, for free.

Answer 8

Not a hole lot you can do or say to change 18yr mind I went thru two of them but not to worry usually not meant. If you want piece of mind set both down and have good ole family hr. or so and see if the two can agree on something and compromise. worked for me

Answer 9

she sounds like a lot of normal 18 yr olds. she'll understand one of these days that dad just has her best interest in mind. she needs to stop being so spoiled and bratty. if she doesn't want to live by the parents rules then she needs to move out and find her own place to live. harsh, but tough love it may have to be

Answer 10

I'd say that's normal and she'll grow out of it. Maybe daddy could back off a little bit, or he'll cause her to be even more full of hatred. AND, maybe she could be a little more understanding of her father's wishes. It goes both ways.