How to deal with my sister.....if I say what I feel, Yahoo will prolly delete my question.....?

Question

MY 20 year old sister is a stripper, a groupie for some dumb band, and is involved in the pornography industry. She has no problem with what she is doing, and almsot rubs it in everyones face. What she does to her own life is her choice, but she is having adverse effects on my 17 year old brother. She has him come out to visit her and subjects him to her life of promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse. He is even present at the concerts where she is stripping. He used to be such a good, kind, caring kid, and now he is just like her. Selfish, stupid and arrogant. I almost cant stand him. I do not choose to associate myself with people like her and I most certainly will not make an exception for a family member. How can I be a good influence on my brother? She lives in PA, we live in OH, but I live 3 hours from my brother. And also am I right to cease communication with her? Every time we speak she is condescending, calls me fat, *****, etc and I dont wish to deal with her.

FYI, my sister hasn't influenced me. I am a 21 year old independant woman. I am in college and working towrd my degree. If she had any influence dont you think I'd be like her?

Also, my mom has slacked off as a parent, I guess she is sick of parenting, so my brother is allowed to do whatever he wants.

I am highly considering takign the legal route. Sister or not, what she is doing is morally wrong, and now I find legally wrong.

Answer 1

Let her go you are worth more than what I read. I'm understanding your problem, which means you are hurting, now it is up to you to stop hurting. She sounds like she is in no postion to have involvement with anyone in her life, and she is envious of you, or she would not treat you the way she does.
Love her in your heart, forget her in your mind.

Answer 2

You dont need to make a concious cut off with your sister, but you dont need to go out of your way to talk to her either. Be nice, nomatter how hard, you catch more flies with honey. As for your bro, your parents should be keeping him away from her, but regardless, I doubt there is going to be a profound lifelong effect on him. At 17 he knows whats up, and while her influence is acting as the ultimate peer pressure, and it seems like it is changing him, the morlals instilled in him thusfar (or lack there of, if that be the case) will ultimatly prevale not long after he graduates. For a little insurience/assureience you can have a talk with him about it. Just don't be accusing, try really hard (and trust me it will be hard) to make it a "normal" conversation. I went through the same thing with my 2 sisters, (vs sister & brother) only drugs were an additional major issue with the older one. While the younger one went places with the older one, she never did anything that she regreted besides going, and really, since she was aware of it anyway the only damage was regret.

Answer 3

I feel for you, but unfortunately it sounds as though there is little you can do. Try to keep in touch with your brother and be a support to him. Maybe at some point he will realize that this life is getting him nowhere. Right now, it's just too tempting for him and I don't think anything you could say would change his mind. Your sister is a moral baby with no sense of right or wrong. I wish you luck.

Answer 4

okay---
Put the anger aside- that will not work for you anymore,

Your brother will need to find his own path- he is old enough to choose the right way. I would have a candid chat with him and without "high drama or emotions" explain you love them and can't watch her destroy her life and him being a part of it.

You however must do the same thing. Make the right choices for you and Follow you heart.
Just be quiet- don't pass judgment or what ever, just stop talking to her and only direct the attention to your brother.

She will be angry and that's okay. When she confronts you- just tell her "its her life" and "her choices" and they just don't fit yours. You wish her well. AND MEAN IT.

Time will tell, whom was on the correct path. So be true to you and be kind to them. They will come around or not- yet either way you are at peace with the choices you have made.

Answer 5

She is setting a terrible example for your brother and all younger family members. Try talking to your brother and sister seperately. I know you probably have, but instead of talking about the negative effects, tell your sister that she's worth something and that she really could have a future. Focus on what she could be and what she is capable of instead of the cons of her decisions although there are many. If she doesn't listen to you then, I would reccomend you cease communication with her. As for your brother, try telling him about the negative effects of her actions. Explain to him that the body is sacred and should not be exposed like that. This may seem petty, but try involving your parents or therapists for them.

Answer 6

Just put her out of your life until she gets her act together but as far as a 17 year old, you may be able to contact the police in her town and make them aware that she is bringing a minor into where she strips and where drugs and alcohol is used. Once she gets in legal trouble, he may see the downside to that life. The only other thing you may be able to do is to invite him to visit you and provide a good example for him to counteract her bad influence..

Answer 7

I suggest you tell him how you feel about all of it. If he is beginning to disrespect himself maybe he has enough for you to at least listen.
What activities can you involve the both of you in? You should know what entertains him. It's probably the only way to influence him at this point.
It could come down to getting them busted for contributing to the delinquencies of a minor situation. That could seriously shake them up. If he realizes it was at your hand you may not see him for a long time but if it works I think you would agree that it would be worth it.
As for your sister, tell her you will not stand for her type of treatment and if it does not change she is no longer welcome in your life until it does then give her a hug and tell her that you love her.
Where are Mom and Dad?

Answer 8

That's a tough one. Wheres your Mother. can she help? Keep in mind she will be who she is until she grows up.Lifestyles like hers DON'T last forever, once her body/looks are gone so will the spotlight be gone. Try to get her to see this and also speak to her long enough to save your brother from a life of hell. She has a right to live her own life yes, but she has no right to drag him down to. Talk to both of them,if she has any feeling for family she'll see what your doing if out of love and concern for him and NOT to punish her. Good Luck

Answer 9

Tell your sister you don't agree with what she's doing and you will not keep up a relationship if she continues. and stay true to that. IT doesn't matter that you have the same parents, she's obviously a bad influenece and an awful person. Tell your bro the same thing... that she is not a respectable person and you shouldn't be around her. If he won't listen... that's tough... try to find someone he could talk to... relate to more (someone outside of the family)
P.S. let em watch some movies that illustrate that horrible lifestyle

Answer 10

You're kidding right? Your sister lets her younger brother watch her strip?! Kudos to you for not slapping the crap out of her. Doing that on her own is okay for her life---but she is dragging her brother with her--call the cops. If he is getting an attitude and she thinks that there isn't a problem then may be the law can tell her different.