My boyfriend does not want to buy me an engagement ring?

Question

My boyfriend does not want to buy me an engagement ring, he says that he does not want to spend $ on one, and that I should use the ring my grandmother gave me as an engagement ring. He says it's stupid that the man has to buy the woman a ring, and why can't I buy him an expensive ring instead. My mom says that if we use my grandmother's ring, that my boyfriend would not be giving me anything from himself, I would just be using a ring that I already had. I feel like if he really loved me he would save up to buy one, and that he should pick it out himself to make it special, I don't care the cost, just that he would put in the effort, is that wrong?

Answer 1

I think if he can't even commit to buying you an engagement ring you are in for nothing but problems, fights and misery if you continue the relationship. He is laying the groundwork now for who will be the boss and it's him. He is a loser. It's better to dump him now then to go through a divorce later.

Answer 2

It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't understand the value of an engagement ring. It's not about how much money he spends, it's about showing you how much he cares.

My engagement ring was $600. I know that because I paid for half. My fiancee didn't ask me to, but I knew he didn't have a lot of money and I also felt that because marraige is a joint venture, I should contribute.

Maybe the two of you should go into the jewelry store together or look online (www.bluenile.com, www.overstock.com) and split the cost.

Or, he could buy you a ring and you could buy him one.

Just don't let him convince you to buy him one without you getting one in return. If he can't accept that you want him to buy you a ring, then maybe you should re-consider getting engaged.

Answer 3

Thats not wrong,you are making perfect sense.If he doesn't want to buy you an engagement ring it might be because at the time he is having money problems.Of course he mentioned the engagement ring which means he wants to get engaged but at the moment he has problems that might be best to solve on his own.Theres no point in using a ring that you already have.I'm not saying you should dump him,I'm just saying you should give him a few months.

Answer 4

Girl DUMP the LOSER! It is a symbol of his Fidelity and his ever lasting endless love and devotion to you. Your mother is right. He should buy you an engagement ring. Have you ever thought he doesn't want to spend any money on an engagement ring because he really doesn't want to marry you. If he does not want to spend any money on you now just imagine what it will be like when your married and he doesn't want to buy you anything for x-mas anniversaries, birthdays...etc...He should put in 100% of an effort...Girl think about what you are getting into before you plunge into a relationship with this dude..good luck!!

Answer 5

You are wasting your time with this man.

I personally am a little more practical than romantic. For example if it came down to it, I would rather put a nice deposit down on a home for my wife and I, than spend a fortune on a fancy wedding. I know that is not all that romantic, but we can live in a home for years, a wedding day is just a day and the costs are outrageous.

However, a ring lasts for years. It is a symbol of love between partners. I enjoy watching my wife wear her ring. It reminds me of the day we picked it out together and our relationship. I don't really believe in surprising a woman with a ring, because she is going to have to wear it for years, and she had better like it.

But back to your loser. He is basically saying that he is too lazy and tight to buy you a ring. You should just wear some old ring you were given and make do with that. You are not even demanding he spend lots of money on you, but that is still too much for him to do.

Sorry but I just cannot see this relationship working out for you. If you marry him, I predict you will be divorced within five years.

UPDATE: I just noticed your two other questions on Yahoo! Answers. You mentioned in those that you broke up with your boyfriend before Thanksgiving. You called him your fiancee even though he has yet to buy you a ring. You also posted that for Christmas he gave you his four year old used iPod. If you marry this loser you get exactly what you deserve.

Answer 6

You are neither right nor wrong to feel frustrated in this situation. Your boyfriend phrased his feelings a little bluntly if that's how he put it exactly and you should marry someone else because its obvious you expect more out of life and he's not willing to give it. However if this wasn't the exact case you'll need some serious think on your part.

I know the ring of my mother is in fact her mother's ring. My grandmother marched into the jewelry store, one arm linked tightly with her hubby to be and the other tightly around the cash. She had saved up most of the money herself and my grandfather chipped in quite a bit too. I say chipped in because he told my grandmother up front 'this is all I have I, I love you and I want to marry you, but if you want a big fancy ring I can't offer you that or that kind of a life because it'd be a sham.' (And yes they're still married.) My grandmother said the ring wasn't important and she would marry him regardless if she got one or not. He then gave her the option to buy ring with the money he had saved up till that day or wait and they could both save towards a better one. She went with option two.

My mother's ring is a fairly nice ring and that used to be her mom's. It got me thinking and one day I asked my grandmother why she went with the second option if it didn't matter. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I bought it because I hoped for a day, that when I gave it to my first daughter she would understand why I gave it to her and she would one day pass it on to hers. I wanted something that would withstand time, carry the story, and pass along the morality of this family."

When my father met my mother he didn't have very much money but he loved her enough to offer to break his back to save for a ring. My mother declined on the ring offer and said she would use her mother's ring instead. She said if she was in it for money and the jazzy life style she would have ran off with her last boy friend. She also mentioned they should save for something a little more solid like a house. This ring is old and it has some meaning behind it for the women of my family. Although I must say I don't care for gold at all and I never wear it, this ring would be the only exception to the rule. So if your boyfriend brought this up differently than what you stated and it was in hopes saving towards something like a house or some other wondrous part of your future you need to think. Or because he simple can't afford it. You need to ask yourself do I want someone who can drop money on me left and right or do I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy (insert good qualities here)? Other wise if he put it just as you said, your marriage won't last long or be fun filled.

Answer 7

If you and your boyfriend can't even agree on an engagement ring, then I would re-think getting married. It sounds like you two have some issues to work out before you commit to something more serious.

Answer 8

I'm sorry honey - sounds like he doesnt really want to be engaged. The ring is not about the money spent (mine cost less than 200 bucks) but about the promise. Does he live up to his promises? If he wants to give you a hand-me-down ring then maybe he should get one from his side of the family?? I bought my fiancee a ring - it cost me $75 but it doesnt matter how much it cost me. He likes it and thats all that matters. If he cant make a promise like buying you a ring that says i want to make this committment to you then what kind of promise can he keep?

Answer 9

My other half bought me a ring for less than £100 (OK I know it sounds mean, but he is still training at work, and although he works 70+ hours a week, he is not earning a lot of money, and so to expect a ring that cost a lot would be selfish and unrealistic) The cost of the ring is not the important thing, it's the sentiment behind it, perhaps he really cannot afford a huge diamond rock, but would you be happy to settle for a smaller and cheaper stone until he can afford something bigger later. Is it pressure from you that makes him think he has to spend a fortune?

Answer 10

If he won't even buy a small and inexpensive ring, you will have much bigger problems down the road with this guy. He will try to control everything ... especially your finances. Guys like this tend to spend money on things they want, but are selfish when it comes to other people, including their spouse and kids. I have a friend who used her aunt's ring for her enagmenet ring, but her husband isn't cheap and would have bought her a ring if that is what she had wanted.

Answer 11

My husband is the same way but he already bought one and was waiting for Valentines day. Maybe it is a cover up!

Just tell him that it would mean a lot if you had something to show off to other people. It doesn't matter how expensive it is of where it is from, just so it is a gift from him to you that you wear on you left hand ring finger. Make sure when you talk about it that you are both calm and not haveing a bad day.

Best of Luck!