we've been dating for the last 3 months, we've been having trouble with communication, he is a man who likes to take things slow, which is good. at first i he was excited to meet me and he was caring, but he never really told me about what he thinks of me, and this made me ask, a thing of which he did not like. still he's never introduced me to his friends, we've only slept together 3 times, we talk on the phone not more than 2 times a week, i see him twice a week, and only at night. we also have difficulty opening up to each other, i want to but i can't because of the way he behaves, for intsance i would text him and he would reply my text like 13 hours later, the first time this happened i told him thati i've seen him replying texts to his friends and he does it pronto but when its me he takes hours, he told me that me saying that to him was off putting, but he agreed to stop.he did it again on 30th, unfortunately my aunt fell ill on 31st so we could not meet. haven't heard from him
2007-01-01 08:34:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
when we met i told him that i am not a person who would like to settle down so wouldnot like to have him play games with me a thing of which he said he wasn't gonna do it. and it's not that iam obsessive, i just like him and would like any other relationship you tend to look forward to meeting each other, but it doesn't seem long lasting, because when i ask things that i don't understand it stresses him out at least that's what he said. earlier on he had told me that he had some reservations, then i opted to stop seeing him until he's sorted his reservations, he refused saying that he needs to see me to get rid of them, i asked what they were he was not sure, after a month or two i asked again, he said they are there but not as much. i know he likes me to a certain extent and he's decent enough, that's for sure, i wanna know how i can save the relationship and get something meaningful out of it and not what we've been having. he is moving to his new place soon. this i know for a fact
2007-01-01 08:51:42 · update #1
hey all thanks a lot for taking your time. this guy is not married i know this for a fact, and when my aunt fell ill i communicated it to him, he said take acre adn that was the end of things he didn't bother to wish me happy new year no nothing, i suspect he thinks that i lied about it becoz of his late response. i wonder why he would think this way when we had planned to meet and he knows that i was looking forward to meeting him.
2007-01-01 09:07:36 · update #2
just incase he calls or texts, do i answer the phone immediately or do i give it some hours before replying?
2007-01-01 10:10:03 · update #3
He's training you to accept being used. So far you're going along with it with a minimum of fussing, which he has decided is worth it for what he's getting. He's not going to change, so you need to decide if this relationship is ok as it is. If not, cut your losses.
Don't be surprised if he tries to get you to stay. If he does, spell out exactly what you want. If it doesn't change in the first week, he can't do it. Lots of guys will try to get you back into the same routine you already have, because he's happy with it.
JV, at the bottom of the page: you left one out - #16. Imma tell you what sexy clothes I'd like you to wear but you have to buy them yourself!
2007-01-01 08:37:14 · answer #1 · answered by Kacky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is good to take things slowly, I agree, but it sounds like to me there is a serious lack of communication here. I even get the feeling that he's not really wanting the same kind of relationship that you are wanting. I'm assuming you want someone who will answer you back when you text them or call. This is the same thing anyone would want. You explaining to him how you felt about his slow response was the right thing to do, and he was wrong for saying it put him off. Since you did not meet him and he made no contact, one of two things is happening here. Either he isn't willing to really try to have a relationship with you or he is stringing you along for some purpose. There needs to be some type of clarification here about what the two of you want. Either he wants to see you twice and week and talk, or he wants to play games. If you did not show or call when the aunt fell ill then I can understand him not talking to you since. You would have just stood him up. Either way, I would call him and explain what happened, then ask him if he would like to do something again on another day. If he gets rude with you or cannot communicate, then it's best to move on because there is something strange going on. If he can't tell you what he thinks about you, then either he doesn't care, is too insecure to tell, or doesn't like you and was using you. The way I feel since you described it is that he does not really want a relationship to start with or he is hiding something critical from you. I could be wrong, so it's best to just talk about it.
2007-01-01 16:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure he is not married or otherwise attached?
Three months is a long time to have still not introduced you to family or friends, especially with Christmas and New Year (ideal times to introduce someone without necessarily making a big deal of it, with parties and family gatherings etc) having just come and gone.
As for not replying to your texts, well some blokes just don't (my boyfriend never replies to my e-mails and I'm pretty sure he is not seeing anyone else) but if he replies to everyone else's straight away and it's just yours that get left... well, perhaps when he's not with you he's in an environment where he can't text you. For instance, watching telly with his wife and children.
Or perhaps he's just not that into you and is doing the bare minimum to keep you interested and available to him, but not one inch more and as soon as it gets too much trouble, he'll cut loose.
Sorry to be such a downer, but it sounds to me like this guy is messing you around and you need to extract yourself from this before it gets worse.
If he isn't seeing anyone else and he does genuinely like you, dumping him might be the kick in the backside that he needs. Remember, people have to want to change. If you're right there giving him whatever he wants whenever it's convenient for him and then he can just put you back in the box and go and do his own thing... where's his incentive to change?
If his "ooh, I don't know what I want, I need more time to think" behaviour actually loses him his girlfriend, well, he'll either change his ways to get you back or else he never would in which case you are better off without him.
2007-01-01 16:46:04 · answer #3 · answered by Snakey B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would get out of this relationship. You try to show him some attention and he says it's a put off? If you've never met his friends and he only sees you at night and only talk no more than twice a week, I would say to lose this guy. It sounds like he may be a married man or at least has somebody else. After 3 months, you should be spending alot more time together. I think you can do better.
2007-01-01 16:47:57 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry. It sounds like you are a booty call.
BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
1. No sleeping over -- unless it is VERY good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2 No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 8 PM--we really don't have **** to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" ****--only mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No plans made in advance -- that is why you are called the "backup", unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
6. All gifts accepted--money is always good..
7. No calling each other "friends with benefits" -- we are not friends, just sex buddies.
8. No extra clothing -- I don't want your *** leaving anything behind when you leave.
9. No falling asleep right after sex -- it's over, so get your *** up and go home.
10. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's boyfriend/girlfriend."
11.Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better. I don't want to look at you, just **** you.
12.We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME -- so don't keep calling.
13. The most important one -- no condoms, no *******. Carry your *** home.
14.Bring your own drink -- I am not your liquor store.
15. No phone use, please -- don't want anyone calling back looking for your ***.
Rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement, it will automatically be deemed null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST, deleted from phone memory and email list BLOCKED from all communications.
Signature:____________________________ Date:_______
2007-01-01 16:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by JV 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds either weird or married or both. ignore him for a few days and see what he does. Let him chase you and see what happens. If you hear nothing from him, call it a day and move on. It does seem that he is either playing games with you so you do all the chasing( ie: so he is in control) or this is as much commitment into the relationship as you are ever going to get from him and it's the way it is. Good luck :)
2007-01-01 16:46:14 · answer #6 · answered by nickg3865 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well,
I think there is a huge different between being slow..and DEADLY slow..
Imagine when u two in a relationship..he would drive u crazy..later..
Seems that u r that active person..that would count the minutes between the message and the reply..
And believe me, such cold slow guyz are horrible in relationships with us..so i suggest you would really think about the future...
U meet only for sex..So..i dont know..
2007-01-01 16:42:00 · answer #7 · answered by BonBon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
o dear, i wouldnt put up with how he is treating u, you seem to care for this person but from what u have said, he doesnt seem to give a ****. u are doin all the runnin after him and what uve said he doesnt like that. i no u said he likes to take things slow but sleepin with some1 3 times in 3 months tells me theres a problem hun.
your personalities are different, go out there and find some1 that will love u the way u want to be loved. dont put up with a man that, to be truthful, sounds as if he cares for his mates more than he cares for u.
you deserve better hun.
2007-01-01 16:43:58 · answer #8 · answered by kitteekatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you expect to turn this around? It is not a relationship.....you cannot make someone into something they are not. Don't text or phone - if he doesn't get back within a week - move on, girl!
2007-01-01 16:39:51 · answer #9 · answered by nanaangela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure he is single. sounds like a married man or someone who aready has a relationship. try to get more information from him and look for clues such as fading on the ring finger from a ring to the times he can talk to you. read tips on dating and more to help you better on this site
2007-01-01 16:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋