How do i drop hints to these unwanted guests?

Question

Our relatives who are settled in USA for 35 years or so come to India like every other year? It's their holiday time and they just let us know they are coming. They bring their stupid el cheapo gifts which they purchase from sales which nobody wants here but for we cannot return lest we appear rude. But as our guests we always buy them stuff from the best stores in India. They come for like a month or two, we give them a room, they never help with cooking, somebody's gotta drop of their drycleaning and pick it up every other day, boil water for them everyday coz their poor american immune system can't handle the indian water handle their travel arrangements for meeting their old friends and all. How do i drop a hint to them that they should shell out money and stay at a five star hotel. It's they who want to visit India every other year, we din't invite them. My folks used to do it but I have corporate MNC job with no time to spare for their tantrums.

They are first generation migrants their kids- my cousins don't even call here and these oldies still come here wanting that India of the olden times where they can put up with the family.

Answer 1

I am American.....and you are dealing with some very rude Americans. I'm embarrassed for their rude behavior. In the future, don't be used by these people anymore. As soon as they announce their visit, respond by suggesting another date.., stating you have other plans for the time they suggest. Make it inconvenient for them.... not for you!! If they can't stand the water, suggest they bring bottled water with them. And quit cooking for them!! Take them to some of the best places to eat, and insist on splitting the check. If they have to spend some of their American money, they may think twice about a long visit. A month is much too long !!! They are using you. Last, stay at work as long as you can. Let them sit around and be forced to entertain themselves. By the way, I am a teacher. Some of the loveliest students , and most beautiful, are my Indian students. Please do not judge all Indian Americans by this group you have to deal with. I assure you, my Indian students would agree with everything I have stated here.

Answer 2

I am very sorry for your inconsiderate family members.

Here are some suggestions:

While they are there stop doing all the extras you do for them. They are adults they can handle boiling there own water if they wish to drink water.

Stop buying them the best things from India, buy on sale or buy less expensive items.

Let them deal with there own travel arrangements if they want to see old friends and family its up to them to make it happen. Its not like they do not know how do to it since they have been coming to India every other year.

As for cooking, have them help. If they are staying in your home not giving a dime for the expenses then they can certainly lend a helping hand. It is only polite if someone cooks a meal for you while staying in your home that they should at least do the clean up.

Obviously these people do not care if they put you out, so why demand a little help. Put them to work. Have them help with the dishes they helped dirty, have them help tidy up messed they have made. Tell them your just to dang busy to play slave to there needs. Don't make it like your asking for help. Just flat out say, Well we cooked you get dishes. If put on the spot they will probably do them. If they flat out refuse then thats an insult to your hospitality and it would require you not do a thing for them. Let there dirty clothes pile up, let them serve themselves!! Remember this is your home they are invading and you can prevent them from walking all over you and your family.

Good Luck to you

Answer 3

Hints probably won't work here.The minute they say they are coming you must tell them that you are working overtime, your place is a wreck, and you cannot accomodate them in the way they are accustomed, and that they should plan to stay in a hotel. Be ready with hotels and phone numbers, and you may even want to offer to make the reservation, and tell them to put it on their credit card when they check in.

I feel ya, man. Used to be when I was married, in-laws would stay for 4-6 weeks. It was great when mother in law was alive because she would basically take up residence in the kitchen and I never had to cook or clean it. But when she passed, I had to wash twice as many dishes, and had no privacy for 4-6 weeks, 2 or 3 times a year.

Re the gifts: you sure don't have to keep buying like you were. There's probably not much you can do to curtail their gifting, but you can scale back on yours. Feel free to either pitch things you get that are not keepers, or give them away, unless they are heirloom stuff - which you pretty much gotta save and put in storage.

Answer 4

It's better if you don't tell them to stay at a hotel, because no matter how you say it, it's gonna sound rude. The best way would be to tell them that they'll have to adjust "a little bit" and help out. You could suggest that they could cook some "special American dish" that only they know how to make. Make it seem like a game, like your giving them an opportunity to do something great. IN case they say they can't cook, annoy them out of their minds by saying that it's really pathetic of them. If they want something Dry-cleaned, take them with you the first time to the shop. Keep taking them to test their patience. In the food, cook the most simple food (Dal, etc.). Say that you're health conscious. Remember, if you do all this to them even once, they won't bother you again, so don't lose faith.
=]
I've had a lot of experience in scaring away people. The key is to make it seem like your enjoying their stay and ask them to have fun and take part in everything you do.

Answer 5

How old is your niece? If she is under 18, you need to get her parents to take her back home... you can threaten them with calling children's protective services. Be ready to follow through with a call in to professionals. You can try to find out what sent her to your doorstep. If she will not open up, you take the bull by the horns and have her pack her stuff to go. You can offer to drop her off some place. Offer her some money to go somewhere, but she cannot stay at your place. Don't worry about alienating this one. She has the brass to move in on you, and won't think twice about coming back. She isn't on the lease, she isn't helping pay the bills. Barring actual abuse issues, she should not be your problem. If there is abuse involved, you have to call in professionals anyway.

Answer 6

Hi

I imagine it must be difficult for you! I would suggest the first thing is to stop buying them gifts from the best stores and getting them to boil their own water. A studied "why don't you come and help me with the cooking" and then standing and waiting and saying NOTHING until they come and help you can work wonders.

Of course, if they are total jerks there's nothing you can do about it except be nice and polite through grated teeth.

Answer 7

i'm indo canadian, I never thought of it from your point of view. They somehow think you are obligated. Trust me, I have the same problem from my canadian relatives as well, and the ones who come from india. They want to be treated like royalty. Let them know it is now YOUR turn to visit, and be ready. Lets see what happens then. ALso, stop buying them great gifts. your spoiling them!!! Thats why they keep coming back.

Answer 8

Arrange a small rented flat for them. Ask them to pay the rent in advance.Tell them that they can either cook their meals or ask nearby restaurant for home delivery.
Inform them that you can also arrange a private taxi for them if they need at.....rate ( Rs/) per day.

Answer 9

Ouch. That is a bad situation. Hopefully your family will get to take a trip to America and act the same way . They are rude and inconsiderate.

Answer 10

Since it is quite obvious that you do not wont them their just flat out tell them, am happy to know that my family close and distant share a history and a special bond where we cant wait to see each other.