How should one apologize to a guest who sat on a lit candle on the host's coffee table?

Question

My sister is visiting me for the holidays, and she does all of these girly things such as lighting scented candles. She put one on the coffee table in my living room while we sat on one my couches to read in there, but then the neighbor girl stopped by without an invitation--as usual. She had to sit on the coffee table in front of my sister and me so that she could flirt with me and probably to get a look at what she hopes will be her future sister-in-law (the neighbor girl hopes that, not me...).

She neglected to take note of the candle that was burning on the table beneath her, and she sat right in it. My sister and I apologized profusely and asked if she was okay. She wasn't hurt at all, but my sister and I feel badly about ruining a nice pair of jeans. Is there anything else that we should do for the neighbor girl? I don't want her to think that I'm "leading her on" either. Now that my sister is here, should I have my sister do something for her instead of me?

Answer 1

I think you should ask your sister if she would offer to give your over friendly neighbour a full 'dewax'. This is often a way of making a more healthy body. It is also quite a subtle way of showing that your neighbour needs some self improvement, but at the same time trying to make amends for the 'candle' accident. Further to this, at this time of year it is quite popular for people to temporaily take on health fads.

Of course you must not be involved otherwise the connotations would be too awful to contemplate. Once again good luck!

Answer 2

Well, you know this wouldn't have happened to her if she would have just not invited herself, but what can you do. Anyway I think that buying her a new pair of jeans would be nice, but then again she should have been paying attention to the table that had the candles on it. And to me it seems a bit rude of her to invite herself over and sit on your TABLE. She should have stood up because sitting on someones table especially if they were not invited isn't very nice. But nonetheless if you feel like you need to apologize more you should have your sister deliver the jeans, to her, but a negative to having your sister deliver the jeans is that your sister may say more things to the neighbor girl about you liking her, and well you don't so it might lead the neighbor girl on more. But i feel that you don't need to give the neighbor girl anything, but good luck if you decide to give her some jeans.

Answer 3

I agree with Wolf. She came over, uninvited. She sat on your coffee table to flirt with you. I am sure that she could have sat in another chair or something. The only faux pas would be if there was no where for her to sit, then you should have offered her your seat.

Your sister does not owe her anything either. You are correct in the fact that if you buy her something, such as another pair of jeans, you may give her 'hope.' The jeans can be rescued if it only has wax on it, unless it was colored and stained her jeans. But you can definitely get the wax out.

You have done enough. If she is upset, then it's probably more out of embarrassment.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You shouldn't do anything other than the worded sorry that you did. People put candles on the coffee table all the time. That is what they are made for. They are not made to be sat on. If she sat on the coffee table it was all her fault. Heck, she could have even broke your coffee table. If she wanted to sit near you, she should have sat on the floor. Heck, what in the world is she going around sitting on peoples coffee tables without asking, that's so tacky. And if she wasn't looking, then it's all her fault.

I wouldn't have even apologized to her in the first place, I would have been making fun of her idiocy. But it's nice that you apologized in the first place. But if I were you I would just leave it as it is. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

Well.. really.. she is the one who should apologize - for inviting herself in a family event and then sitting on the coffee table. It was not your fault. A burning candle on a coffee table should not be a hazard when the entire company is grown up.

However, since you are the host, you should just find out how she is doing and say that you are sorry about the accident. Maybe have your sister do the same and leave it at that.

Answer 6

You have apologized, that's it. Don't make it bigger than it is, that is a sign of bad manners. Deal with it the sophisticated way.

She didn't get hurt, that's the main point. Are her jeans really ruined or just wax-stained? If they're really unwearable now, your sister (not you!) should ask her whether she wants the jeans replaced. You stay out of it, it has nothing to do with you.

Plus, that girl has bad manners. You don't sit on coffee tables, candles on it or not. I'm tempted to say it's her own fault. How can you not notice a candle on the table? ;)

Answer 7

You made sure she did not burn herself. That was plenty. It is not like your sister had a lit candle on the seat of a chair. My parents taught my brother and I that you absolutely do not sit on any type of table. Myself, I would not feel bad if she burned a hole in her clothes.

Answer 8

If she sat ON the coffee table, she's the one who needs to apologize; that is really classless.

Answer 9

I agree with wolf, 100%. Also, the more trashed a pair of jeans looks, the more it seems to be worth these days. So you did her a favor!

Answer 10

I don't think you did anything wrong, so I'm not sure an apology is needed. If you offer to replace her jeans that's really classy. I'm sure that whatever you decide between you will be fine.