This is a really bad situation - it's a long story but I'll shorten it - 6 years ago I had a really bad argument with my family (parents, 2 brothers, 1 sister) and they cut off all contact with me. I was living alone and had no money and was scared, but my work colleagues helped me out and eventually I got promoted and am comfortably off now. I've just got a note through the post from an ex boyfriend (who I want nothing to do with as he is violent) who says my mum has walked out on my dad and gone to live abroad. Also my brother and sister want nothing to do with him for some reason (I don't know where they live) He is now living alone (he is quite elderly) and is about to be evicted as he was always badly in debt. My ex thinks there is some scandal about being a paedophile and the bad debts. If you were in my place would you get in touch and help him, or just accept he cut me off and left me to 'starve' and let him get on with it?
2007-01-01 04:55:52 · 38 answers · asked by Julia 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You seem like a nice person and was done really wrong. I wish I could advise you on this but I can't. Only you can decide on this.
2007-01-01 04:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you said, it did you really good not to be around your family.
You came a long way.
None of your family seems to have done a single thing for you.
Why should you go and get your dad with all his bagage in your new life you managed to build for yourself.
Are prepared to face all the scandals?
In the name of what?
Are you prepared to let him ruin your new life again, that you've just started enjoying?
In the name of what?
Would you ever trust him with YOUR children?
Would you be prepared to spoil any prospect of a relationship for a man who brought this on himself?
Do you think he COULD change? I don't believe they ever do!!!
Just stay away.
I don't know in what way he hurt you, if anybody knew and never helped and if that's why you're angry with them.
But if it is, do yourself the biggest favour ever, and totally cut all contacts with them.
At least until you feel stronger inside, have mastered all your demons, and are able to look at them in the face and don't feel scared or intimidated.
Your dad's bad ways are just catching up with him. As an old man and pedophile( if so), don't you worry, he'll eat alright.
He'll be checked upon and they won't let him die.
So, keep constructing your life, he's done his.
It's not your judgement, it's his.
There's no reason to feel guilty.
A pedophile is like a murderer. Do you think a child ever get over being raped or tortured?
Everybody makes choice they ultimately have to be responsible for on their own.
2007-01-01 06:27:58 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all find out the Truth 4 your self as i don't trust ur ex. he could be saying a load of rubbish for all u know. and try 2 forgive your dad. in fact try to forgive ur entire family. they are your family. and no matter what they say or do nothing can change that. they will always be yoyour family. so they do deserve something. if the wound they have given you years ago runs 2 deep then it is better to stay out it as u will just anger your self, and worsen the situation. keep as calm as possible. control ur anger. and follow your instincts. they are the most truthful things 4 u now. life is unfair and cruel but sometimes u just have be try 2 do the good thing no matter what the other has done. and I'm sure you will know in your heart what the good thing is. whether good for you or him. or even the rest of your family. but it is all up 2 u. my advice is find the truth your self and decide on what the good thing is cos it depends on ones own opinion. what ever the good thing is do it unless the wound runs 2 deep from all those years ago. then don't do it. leave it and don't look back. but don't just look at my advice. look at all the other advice people has given and c which 1 suits u. and if u can't decide look at your self. and deep look. and you realise what u should do eventually. i guarantee that. good luck!!! i am interested 2 find out what happens afterwards.
2007-01-01 05:27:20 · answer #3 · answered by Sara 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Alright what i think is that you had some hard times with your family but hey they will always be your family, you are successful where you are now and someone else is unfortunate, that's your father i think you should help out even though what went down before, cause then if something would happen you wouldn't feel guilty, and also do you even know that these accusations are true about your dad? I would try to help hey forgive and forget :) what ever choice you make i wish you all the luck.
2007-01-01 06:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by A'me Bug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No easy answer to this. I suspect you will get a lot of 'get rid of hims' and such like answers.
It seems to me though that this is really about 2 things.
1. Are you tempted to go back and help him? This could mean you are still seeking the love he should have given you before, but didn't?
2. Perhaps you fear that if you do not go back and see him, you will regret it for the rest of your life if he dies and your chance is gone forever.
I would strongly recommend that you find a counsellor if you can. Perhaps your G.P. would refer you?
I think you need to be quite sure about what you are doing and why, before you decide what is best for you...and what is best for you is the most important thing for you now.
2007-01-01 05:05:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
C'mon Julia, you had at least as much to do with "being cut off" as they did. So that hatchet shoulda been buried long ago. BURY IT NOW !! and never look back at it.
Just as an outsider with no horse in this race, my feelings are that you should treat all of your immediate family the same. You should love them regardless of the past. Start by making sure pop has food to eat.
If your father has income, don't contribute to his bad debt ways by giving him money. Buy him some food and take it to him.
Good Luck
2007-01-01 05:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your brother and sister want nothing to do with him then they must have good reason. If there is a scandal if I was you I would keep well away from it, your dad is a grown-up and he has made a conscious choice to take the path he's taken. And don't worry it's 2007 he won't starve!
2007-01-01 23:22:19 · answer #7 · answered by georgeygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a really tough call but you need to look to the future and see which scenario you think your most likely to be able to live with. you do need to look after yourself but you need to look at all your options. would you be able to put a lawyer in touch with him, that way hes getting help and you dont have to see him. have you spoken to the rest of your family to find out what happened and is your exes story backed up, are all these things really going on. there ar eways to help him without having to see him. look at what can be done, but no matter how much you resent him im guessing youll always have that thing in the back of your mind feeling bad if you dont do anything. it sucks i know, you shouldnt be in this position, but try and do the best thing for the long run and dont let any emotions run away with you right now. you have time to think, dont panick, dont rush and do what your heart tells you. good luck
2007-01-01 10:47:51 · answer #8 · answered by cookie 85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, been there, (still there) not a great thing to talk about. Yes you could turn the other cheek, or help out. Will tell you one thing, one does need to make peace with themselves before it's to late. My sister walked away with over a mill. dollars when my parents passed, I was not in the will but was there to pick up the pieces when they fell apart, two years at my mom's bedside, never asked for anything else but love and respect. Sister living like a fat cat, I can't afford to pay most of my bills, life gos on and we deal with it!! Answer to you question, look inside yourself for your answers, lay the cards out on the table and think about this, the best to you.
2007-01-01 05:07:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he cut you off and left you to starve I wouldn't even act like I know anything about it. You had to get your life together all alone. So let one of the kids that stayed at home take care of it and don't feel guilty. Of course I bet you already know this huh? Don't even let anyone know where you are like the abusive ex. As far as the pedophile accusations maybe that's the reason your mom left. Be glad you left and don't look back.
2007-01-01 05:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, No i think you should just for get on with your life and for get about the letter. They werent bothered when you had to stuggle and they havent contacted you, so i think you should just for get about it as you have managed without them and it cojuld just make things worse for you. If you are happy now that is all that matters. I know that you feel sorry because he is your dad and he is all aloone and elderly, but you were there daugter and they didnt care when they kicked you out and wanted nothing to do with you.
You can always find out what the situation is if it makes you fell better to know what has gone on. But you dont have to put yourself out.
2007-01-01 05:16:34 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋