My toddler fights me every step of the way when getting dressed and changing her diaper. What gives? Ideas?

Question

She's easygoing and cooperative otherwise.

Answer 1

Don't approach your child as if they are a project that must comply. Well, as much as possible. Instead, you want to create an environment where the child is a thinker. Talk to them and ask leading questions that give them cause to think. "Oh you're diapers is wet? Peee-yeeeuww! Icky! I wonder what we need?" (Scratch your head, look around the clothes, pick up a teddy bear and look silly trying to wonder if it's a diaper then "find" a diaper and say, "Oh, maybe this will work!") This gives the child the idea getting dressed is their own idea....and this is what smart moms need to do! Try as little as possible to dictate and encourage as much as possible that your directives feel like it's coming from them. It also encourages thinking skills. Granted, it IS hard at first and seems fruitless to treat a toddler that way, but it paves a foundation for a more cooperative child.

Lastly, children have very little control in their lives. This is one big reason for a lack of cooperation. This is why routine is so important. It creates the sense in their mind, that they are in control of their world. And the child feeling like they are in charge is a cooperative child. Don't forget to have the child participate in his/her own life and decisions. Or, more importantly...the illusion of control. Have them get the diaper. Ask them if they want the red shirt or the blue shirt. Don't fight over little things that don't matter, like coordinating clothes. It's better to have a happy, independent thinking child.

And if they are really young, distraction is a parent's best tool. Sing, make faces, talk about what you are doing. Again, explain in detail and in a descriptive way, "Oh, what a mess? What shall we do? Oh, I know, maybe we will change your diaper! And so on. Be very animated when talking. The next time you change, use the same conversation. They like the control of the routine and will want to take charge. Maybe even running to lie down or get a diaper the minute you start bringing up that SAME conversation. A cue, if you will.

Nobody, adults included, like having everything just popped on them without warning and will resent not being a participant in the process.
****added****
I have to strongly disagree with the spanking, though I don't judge people for it. I say this only because I have an autistic child I have used the method on (using routine and encouraging thinking skills) in all her challenges without ever once having to spank her. Can you imagine how often I would have had to hit her if I couldn't get her to behave? It really was not an option. I had to dig deep, be very observant and find other avenues to reach her. If it can be done with an autistic child, it certainly can be done with a "typical" child. It really reflects on the lack of the parent to relate with the behavior and teaches the child to react emotionally instead of with logic. This is the essence of what a child is: a being still reacting to stimuli with emotion. The truth is it does take longer to teach a child in the above manner and it does take more patience and energy, but building the foundation is the big picture. This is critical in shaping their personality which becomes set at a very tender age. While I don't believe a child will be irrevocably harmed by spanking, I do think the alternative is far more rewarding and builds thinking human beings instead of humans who make fear-based choices.

Answer 2

. Emily P has probably ticked some people off, but I endorse her answer.
. My daughter, a psychologist, says she will spanks her kids, within the rules, because she was spanked, and she believes that she turned out OK. I think she did, too.
. The rules: Never spank with an object, only th open palm. Never spank anyplace other than the butt or the back of the thigh. The butt is preferred, but with the combination of an obstinate child and a diaper padded bottom, it may be necessary to drop down to an open zone.
. Some people think that you should reason with a child. But, for their own safety, they need to learn to obey long before they reach the age of reason. When they get old enough to actually reason and decide between behaviors, I have seen a staged approach work well. The one I was most impressed with started with a count. If the child did not fall into line by the count of 3, a time out was invoked. If the child continued to disobey, or to act out. A spanking, within the rules, was the next step. The child I have in mind can be very head strong, but I have seldom seen her spanked. She more often decides to behave herself.

Answer 3

How old is your little one? If changing is becoming such a hassle, maybe it's time for big girl to begin using the potty...It's probably an independence thing going on inside her mind, so she fights you because she wants to do things herself. Let her help put some of her clothes on or give her the choice of what to wear: "Do you want to wear this dress or would you rather wear these jeans and sweater?" don't just give her the run of her whole wardrobe! That is too big an option for her!! lol

Answer 4

lol ...ugh..I know your pain.
Some kids just don't like being changed and it could be for any reason.Such as maybe they don't want to stop what they are doing and get changed.Or maybe they don't like undressing...or perhaps the wipes are too cold.
Whatever the reason...it is obvious that it is stuck in your toddler's head that .............changing is baaaad...mmm kay. lol that would be his/her opinion on it.
You could try different things to change baby's idea on diaper changing.Like making it fun....give your toddler a toy.Or place a mirror at the changing table...toddlers love those.Or give a special treat when you are done.Tickling and playing are the easiest cheapest way.lol
My son now just runs off laughing when i try to change him.Because we made a game out of it.Still annoying but not as bad.lol Its easier than holding him down like we use to have to do...ugh. Now we do the ......"I'M GONNA GITCHA!!" thing with diapers,wipes or clothes in hand.
He runs off giggling.But, now days...instead of screaming,crying and kicking....he brings me a diaper and a wipe on his own....then when i go to change him....he runs off laughing.lol
He will eventually settle down for his change though...so don't worry, yours will too.

Answer 5

she's a toddler. try singing her favorite song to her while you're changing her. this will usually distract her long enough to get her dressed. this has been working with my daughter since she was 7 months and started rolling over everytime her diaper was off.

Answer 6

Try having her do it like a "big girl" maybe thats what she wants.As far as the diaper goes you dont say how old she is but maybe she is ready to train.

Answer 7

Let them help! I give my son his sock and I can usually get him all the rest of the way dressed in the time it takes him to try to put on one sock, lol!

Answer 8

some children just doesn't want to settle down that is completely normal. try distracting her when she or he is laying on the floor. put a toy in their hands. good luck.

Answer 9

She is expressing her independence. She is testing the waters, so to say.
This too shall pass.

Answer 10

being completly serious. spank her. Alot of people now a days wont do it but it works exspecially if you do it right. make sure you are not soing it out of anger and make sure she understands that you love her and that is why you are doing it becuase you want to raise her decent. spanking is all in how you do it on whether it is right or wrong. she needs to relize now that you are the mom and she is the child or you will loose her as a teenager.