There is a member of my family that isn't a nice person. This person has caused nothing but rifts between members of my family, on both sides, for longer than I can remember. I am not currently in contact with this person and I have been so much happier but I'm constantly made to feel guilty about it and told 'they're famly'. I dont want to have to pretend to like this person to keep them happy when they make me so miserable. So what if they are family, I wouldn't have anything to do with them if we weren't related. What would you do?
2007-01-01 04:11:06 · 22 answers · asked by stellaprincess2005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I was really worried about the response I would get over this post but most of you have have made me feel so much better, like a weight has been lifted! Thank you
2007-01-01 09:45:25 · update #1
hi i have had the same problem i fact i still have and probably always will have because as you say "their family".
the way i see it now is if i don't like someone i don't be around them family or not life is short so why spend it being miserable surrounded by people you cant stand?!!
friends are the family we chose for ourselves!
2007-01-01 04:16:58 · answer #1 · answered by loopylynda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. Hun my answer is this, if this person causes you grief, if they contribute nothing positive to your life, whether they are a friend, parent of family, why would you want them around? You have every right to choose who you talk too and who you dont.
What I suggest is this. Y ou dont have to be close to this person, you dont have to have them to your house, call them on the phone or really have anything to do with them, but what you need to do is forgive them, Tell yourself they are who they are and you can smile and make nice. Why? because you know there will be parties, christmas', birthdays that you will have to see this person. It will make your life easy. Let it be known that you have a line they arent to cross. I will be nice to you but that doesnt mean I am your friend. Kill them with kindness, it confuses the crap out of them, but dont tell them any of your personal business and dont let them in emotionally.
This should make things better all the way around with your family.
Good luck
2007-01-01 04:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by kensjo63 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I know what you mean and i think that just cause they are family doesnt mean they can behave like that, so as long as your happy without them then carry on doing what you are doing and not have contact. You dont have to feel guilty if they make your life a mess. So dont have nothing to do with them its easy and better.
2007-01-01 05:21:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's an old saying that you can't choose your family!!! So don't expect always to like them. However, good manners do dictate that even if you don't like someone you are, at least, civil and polite to them. Other people will feel uncomfortable if you are rude .. are they related to your parents, in which case as a politeness to your parents you should at least try to be civil. But, to be honest, I'd just try to avoid this person as much as you can and say nothing, otherwise you are upsetting a lot more people than just this one person.
2007-01-01 04:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are some members of my family i definitely don't like - avoidance is the way I handle it. I'm too much of a coward to let them know how i feel.
However, if i were in your shoes, from what you say, I'd probably do the same as you...... don't let them make you feel guilty..... just because we are reated to some people, it doesn't mean we have to like them or be in contact with them especially if they behave badly towards us and the rest of the family.
2007-01-01 04:17:49 · answer #5 · answered by Star 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as the saying goes hun you can choose your friends not your family. why should you be two faced and pretend to like this person if you dont because if you was nice to them then the people who are constantly on to you would call you two faced so hun you cant do right for doing wrong now adays, so depending on what makes you feel happy you speak to who you want. i dont speak to any of my side of the family for the way they treated my mom when she was alive and i get slatted for that but im happy and ill speak to who i want not just to keep other people happy. and the people who are always constantly on to you may be to faced any way they might be jealous because maybe they dont want to spk to that person but they have to so they can keep the peace with others. good on you hun x
2007-01-01 10:38:46 · answer #6 · answered by kjw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who said I have to like my family in the first place, just because they're my family? There are some people in my family that I do not really care for, family or not.
2007-01-01 04:14:13 · answer #7 · answered by Tony H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to avoid the person. Be polite when you have to but don't go out of your way to be nice. They are your family so you have to be civil with them. You shouldn't ask things like 'would you like them if they weren't your family". They are your family so you have to put up with it
2007-01-01 05:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by cutiexoxprincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to expose yourself to this toxic person, family or not. There is a member of my family who I avoid, and I just don't make a big deal about it. I am civil if I see her, but avoid it when I can. Don't let them guilt you into anything!
2007-01-01 04:14:42 · answer #9 · answered by hdgrrl72 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't buy into the idea that I'm obligated to like or love someone because we are related by blood. If they are unkewl people (or worse) then they won't get my affection or love...the family members I love, is because of the people they are inside and I'm proud to be related to them...I love them for who they are as people, not for my connection to them.
2007-01-01 04:14:15 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋