How can 3 out of 4 siblings not care that their mother is dying?

Question

My mother in law is dying and my wife's sisters and brother have made no effort to see nor have they ever helped my wife and I in the past 13 years with her care and I find it so hard to believ that her three children do not care if she dies or not. She never beat them, never made them look bad and did just about everything she could as a mother living on the Jersey Shore could do for her kids. My father in law dies in 1991 and since 92-93, we have been taking care of my mother in law. I know I sound bitter (and I am), but I am a Christian and I am fighting with this. Not with God, but with the ill feelings I have towards my wife's siblings. My son is very ill and he worries about "Nana" allot because he knows she is not going to live. Which makes his condition worst. I am not asking for sympathy, I am just aksing someone (anyone) who knows why anyone would give up on thier mother (the person that brought them into this world) at the age of 87 and on her death bed. Please help me.

Answer 1

I have walked your walk 5 times in the last 5 years, meaning I have been through Hospice 5 times in the last 5 years. I have had problems with siblings too. Some people can't deal with the death of a Parent, they can't deal with the day to day dimenishing of the body and spirit. They dont worry because angels like you and your wife are there to carry the torch and make the loved one comfotable during this trying time.

I know how hard it is to have any type of family life while a Parent is in Hospice care. I spent so much time at the hospital this time last year, that I had my come kids to the coffee shop for lunch so that we could see each other every other day.

I know your pain although my situation was not exactly like yours, I had the support of relatives and friends around me and the best Husband that God has put on this earth. We have held each other through the death of both of our parents, siblings and other dear realatives as they took their last breath.

I dont know anything about your relegious background, but PRAY. I am attaching a link for a free site that lets you set a web page to keep relatives abreast of news of the loved one.

I have a brother in Missouri that I was not talking to but under the circumstances we were able to communicate through this site. It only takes about 10 minutes to set it up, make yourself the administrator and email relatives the address. Good Luck
http://www.carepages.com/

Answer 2

People show their emotions differently, you could be reading a couple of them wrong, maybe they can't handle seeing her in that condition or something, I would seriously consider getting them together and having a talk with them to see what is going on. Some of them just figure that they don't have to worry about it because you are taking care of her, ask them for some help and don't take the entire situation in your hands, maybe 1 or 2 of them will help. There could be underlying feelings, are you sure she was as great as a Mom as you think? Many people hide things from each other, but you will never know unless you get them together for a talk.If they are all uncaring like you think they are,at least you will know either way, I think it is great that you are taking care of her.Good Luck to you

Answer 3

As I read your question all I could think was, Thank Goodness she has you!
How blessed she is to have a daughter and son - law that are there for her.
As far as the rest of them, if they don't take the time to consider what she is going through or about visiting and spending time with her. Please don't waste your time wondering how they could be so cold and heartless.
All we can really do is put it in Gods hands and pray for them.
I would keep them up-dated on her condition and again it is their choice and their loss at the same time. A day will come when they regret the decisions they have made.

I feel for your son and for what he is going through. I still have my Nana and thinking about loosing her brings tears to my eyes. BIG hugs for him. Again how lucky they are both to have one another.
I believe that people are brought into our lives for a reason, maybe their relationship is a reason.

Bless all of you in your time of need.
May the new year bring you happiness and less heart ache.

Answer 4

Its probably because they know you are doing a good job on looking after her. Many people do not remember or (do not want to remember) that when they were young they were looked after by their mother. They have grown up into selfish people. Do not give up, Do what ever you can to make your mother in law's life as comfortable as you can. When she passes over you know that you and your wife have done all you could to help her. Your wife's siblings will have to live with guilt. God Bless you and your family.

Answer 5

The other 3 siblings know that you and your wife will care for the mother, therefore they do not have to worry or do any of the work. It has been that way for 13 years, they are not likely to change now. Bless you!

Answer 6

I know it's really sad to see kids who don't give a damn about a sick parent who has always been there for them. They are selfish.

Sometimes people don't want to see a parent because they abused them. You see more cases of child abuse in the news than parent abuse, but parent abuse or in this case neglect absolutely happens even when the parent has given all they can to the child. I think sometimes the news doesn't focus on the other side of the story as much as it should.

It's sad but true, a loving parent has children who don't care about them. Try to remember this. You and your wife care and because you care you can see her pain regarding her other children. I wish there way to reach them, but you can't fix someone who doesn't have a heart.

Answer 7

thinking that many human beings think of all Iraqis are comfortably terrorists and subsequently have not got any sympathy for them. no longer all human beings positively, yet an astonishing minority. i will in no way dismiss the sinking feeling I felt in the 90s whilst those scud missiles have been embarked on Iraq and whilst they released i could ask your self the place they could land and how many undesirable harmless people were approximately to die. i ought to under no circumstances watch those laptop snap pictures the region you will locate them aiming at aims the two. i be attentive to a lot of them immediately targetted the enemy - even nonetheless it looked too very reminiscent of a working laptop or laptop interest - different than with actual men and females. Made me experience ill. Edit: There you ought to be - the guy above me has proved my ingredient. Many human beings do no longer make a difference between "civilian" and "terrorist". in lots of situations this isn't any longer their fault - this is what their media tell them. with the aid of fact that a million/2 of u . s . a . electorate do no longer even own a passport, or have ever travelled distant places - they incredibly don't be attentive to very lots concerning the the remainder of the worldwide.

Answer 8

After all these years I doubt if there is anything you could do about the children of your mother-in-law. Thank God that you are there for her though. Forgive the in-laws as hard as it may be and remember that what goes around comes around. God bless.

Answer 9

That is sad but so prevalent. AT this point, they really do not know their mother as a person. But hey, they will be there if there is any inheritance to be split up. I truly pray for your son. Hope he is old enough to counter some of his sorrow for his Granny.

Answer 10

Who really knows the reasons why. Maybe they love her but are scared to see her like she is. Or maybe they are just selfish who knows.