Well, two days ago I decided to end it with a guy I have been with for almost a year. I was married for five and a half years to my two babygirls father and a year after my divorce I met this guy. He seemed perfect at first but I soon learned otherwise. He is like a ticking time bomb. He yells, screams and throws anything he can when something doesnt go his way.Saturday morning he woke me and my daughters up to screaming yelling and throwing stuff because he messed up his bank account and his deposit didnt go in on time and he had an overdraft. He busted my phone, pictures and everything else. I can't afford the bills here by myself even though I would have to beg him to give me money to help out and then he would just complain about it. He has not once took me out or done any romantic thing. I have decided for me and my girls to move back with my mom and kick him out. How do I keep from taking him back because im lonely. He is the only man that has ever made me feel belittled. Help!
2007-01-01 03:28:55 · 19 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
just a little something my grandmother used to say....people will tell you how they are if you will only listen. He is telling you how he is so listen. You and your girls do not need this. If you kept him around it would only get worse. Move home with your mom and you won't have the stress of the money. Think more of yourself that to put up with this. This sounds as if he is an abuser if he cannot control his temper any better than. If he stays you or your girls might be his next target. Try to find a way to make it on your own and that way you won't NEED a man to take care of you but you can find a man you WANT. This guy knows you need him to help with the bills so he thinks he can do what he wants and you will put up with it. It sounds like a control thing. Try to do something to make you feel better about your self and ride out the lonliness, it does get better...I promise!
2007-01-01 03:40:16 · answer #1 · answered by healergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop and look at your post. No one needs to tell you that for whatever reason this man has problems that could put you and your girls in ultimate danger. NO MAN is worth gambling the health and safety of a child, and you have more than one to love and protect. This guy needs to be in counseling, and we all know that all too often the person will not admit, nor get into counsel ling when they need it! You need to drop him, and after a spell when the initial hurt goes away you will see that it i the right thing to do! There is another man out there that will not act this way. Moving back with Mom may be hard, but it sounds like a good thing to do. And, as you say about him not treating you romantically and taking you out, you and the girls should do some things for "Mom" now and then to thank her for being there when you needed her! She needs some pampering and gratitude too!
2007-01-01 11:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Mike R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Vannah sweetie the hardest thing is going to be walking out with your girls.
You need to do this- this man is not right for you. There will be low times but just remind yourself of all the negative things he has done and how you deserve better. You and your CHILDREN deserve better. Keep yourself busy- instead of worryin about a man why not put more effort into getting your feet back on the ground.
Things will be okay. Like I said the hardest thing will be walking away- after that the following things are just little speed bumps along the way. You can do it.
2007-01-01 11:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, never too late to start a good thing and clean up the mess HE made. Loneliness is not a big deal. Either you go out with another guy, or go on one night stands every now and then. But the most impostant thing to look after right now is your family, meaning 2 daughters and a very loving mom that took you back in :)
Good luck, and don't sell yourelf short. puhlease.
2007-01-01 11:36:47 · answer #4 · answered by Zenithia Victora 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step 1) Get two pieces paper and a pen/pencil
Step 2) On one sheet of paper write down what attracted you to him to begin and all the great things about him that make you feel great. Also write down how what he has done for your children's lives.
Step 2) Write down all the stuff he has done that has hurt you and your children. Write down how you feel right now and how you have felt since you have been with him. BE HONEST with yourself.
Step 3) Put your lists next to each other and I bet one is a lot longer then the other.
Step 4) Think about what you deserve. Then put yourself aside and think about YOUR CHILDREN. They are suffering right along with you.
Step 5) Talk to your Friend's and your family about the situation. Don't isolate. Allow yourself to speak with him if you feel the urge but make sure you stick to your decision to stay with your Parent's for a while. You don't have to see this as a forever decision. First just think of it as temporary and then go from there. Get yourself healthy and most of all your Children deserve to feel safe. You said he was screaming and broke the phone on Saturday Morning. Is this the kind of Christmas memories you want your children to have? I bet not. Good luck. Love should not be a battle! '-)
2007-01-01 11:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call your friends and go out and have some fun. You sound like you need it (no offense). Just go out and have the fun you've been wanting to have for a while. Maybe while you are out you can meet someone new. Also, don't go out every night. When you move back in with your mother have family game nights with your daughters and mother. Spend a lot of time with your girls because not only will this affect you but it will also affect them, probably the most because they will have watched their mommy kick out her boyfriend and it can be nerve wrecking even for little girls.
2007-01-01 11:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep your mind focused on your children and getting back on your feet so that you dont have to live with your mom, also, remind yourself of all the bad things that he did and keep telling yourself that your kids do not need to be around that type of behavior. Also keep telling yourself that you deserve better. Do not answer his calls, if he leaves a message erase it before you listen to it. You did the right thing by ending it and you need to stick to that. Kids learn off of what they see and hear, do you want them growing up being with a man like that? Also, he is violent and you dont need that..Do not talk to him at all, when you start thinking about him or when you get lonely find something to do to occupy your mind..
2007-01-01 11:38:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to think of how he made you and the girls feel with his ranting and raving. Being lonely is better than having to put up with a grown man who throws tantrums. Also being lonely is temporary being abused only gets worse. Give yourself and your girls a chance for a better life.
2007-01-01 11:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by Daisy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It'll get lonely and its good that you know it will. But you need to realize your girls cant be around a man like that. That should keep you away from him. Also just think of how he belittled you. Good luck
2007-01-01 11:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by jdnsmama1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep yourself occupied. go out and make yourself have fun. Even if you don't want to go out with some guys just for fun. Be with other people instead of sitting around being depressed. seriously if you just sit around you will take him back
2007-01-01 11:31:23 · answer #10 · answered by big stan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋