I had a bad news years holiday, me and my father got into an argument because my mom vaccumed the floor?

Question

I was drinking hot tea while my mom was vacumming the needles from the tree. I am very sick with a cold for two weeks. My dad berates my mom can't she (me) do that? Then my dad says that I don't realize how frail my mom is and that she is old She isn't that old. My dad never has any concern about my mom all he does is to put a front to everyone that he is concerned about my mom but he is not. He always verbally abuse her and feels that he doens't want to help her. My mom didn't say it but she felt that I should have vacummed. I am the one who disassembled the tree and put all the ornaments back in the box. My dad never ever does that. Also my dad has made indirect comments that I never going to buy a house (Yeah, I cannot get a loan duh?) My brother broke the news that he is going to try to buy a townhouse this month. My dad berates yesterday because I cashed out my mutual fund to pay some off my education and bills. Yes dad I am a f-up but a person's character about ast

My dad has always been ashamed of me because I can't do things the right way. My brother has a better paying job he never went to college like I did because he doesn't have much debt like I do. My dad said that I made a big mistake of going to college, I would have gotten a home instead of living in a crappy one bedroom apartment. I told my father, I am no longer going to visit because I am so tired of people letting me know what a piece of crap loser that I am. My new years resoultion is that forget about family and friends. The only best friend you have is yourself.

I have done so much for my parents but they don't see it that way at all. Who needs family? F-them.

Am I right for saying I never going to speak or visit them again. Holidays sucks! I am so glad it is all over.

For the record, I have a place of my own. For those who tell me treat my folks with respect. They don't respect me. Respect work both ways as they say.

To Jim W, I have a good job and making strides in my career choice. If haven't made the decision to go back to college, I wouldn't have a good job. It takes time. So you are a stereotypical middle eastern guy, who has a skewed view on women and respect.

So you think it is okay for a father to verbally abuse his daughter and beat her for no apparant reason. So don't make any judgements. For the record I have my own place even though I don't own it. SO BITE ME!

Jim-you need help not I. You apparantly think it is okay to be verbally abusive. I have sacrificed a lot for my parents more than you ever know--monetary and otherwise. SO YOU NEED TO BE SLAPPED UPSIDE YOUR HEAD NOT I!!!

Jim, like you are the perfect son. Oh please. Give me a break.

Answer 1

You are never going to live up to your father's expectations. There are two reasons (1) your father has no regard for education (2) you father thinks women should stay home and have kids and take care of the house and their men.
You need to accept him for what he is or sever ties with him. Either way is really hard. Unfortunately, he is not capable of appreciating you, because you don't fit the mold that he envisions for women.

Answer 2

Wow, lot of issues. In my culture, if you're older than 7 and your parents are doing work in front of you that you can do, you do it. No matter how much they are messed up in their heads, if it wasn't for them, you'd be dead.

Why don't you start treating your mom and dad like you owe them something (which you do), instead of acting like they owe you. Where'd that mutual fund come from? Who's tea were you drinking? Who's couch were you sitting on?.

Your mother is your Queen, and you should be ashamed of yourself for sitting down when she was working. Your father worked so you could eat. no matter what his job, those hours were hard on him. If you address him by anything other than sir, you should be ashamed.

Start acting like a good daughter, and tell your parents your sorry and how much you appreciate what they do and did.

EDIT No respect doesn't work both ways between parents and children. What have you done to earn their respect?

When you are the source of your parents life, and provided them with food, shelter, and clothing for at least 15 or 16 years, then you can pretend they are your peers. Until then, stand when they come in the room, and sweep up the house if you see your mother, the woman who was in agony for hours to bring you in the world, is doing it in front of you.

BTY, Did you ask your parents if they wanted any tea before you made some for you?

If I was the father and I saw this display from my daughter, I would have smacked her so hard in the side of her head she'd never bring her worthless self over to my house again and insult me and her mother. I'd probably use a coffee mug to do it.

EDIT 2: And you said f-you about your parents!!!! Maybe you should make somethng of yourself instead of blaming your dad for noticing you mispent a ton of money. He's right. The money you'd save by owning your home is much more than the added income you'd get by going to college. Go apolagize on your knees for being a mess up. Kiss your mothers hands and beg her forgiveness, and smack yourself with a shoe while you do it. What makes you think this stuff is okay?

EDIT 3: So your a racist in addition to being a lousy daughter. How did I demonstrate a messed up view of women? You just said that because I'm an Arab. Your the one mistreating your mom and not showing her respect or love. You do realize your mom is a woman right?

Go apolagize, and send your parents some of that money you are making to show them your appreciation for them allowing you to live in their house as a child. Plenty of parents abort their baby, or kill it, or abuse it. Everything you have is because of your parents. What have you bought them lately? How have you shown them gratitude for raising you? If you really have such a good job, your parents shouldn't be doing anything from now on.

Nobody says f-you about their mother. Nobody. Not the lowest dog. That's digusting. People should spit on you. Unless you go apolagize with tears.

How can you say that. You are so spoiled. The only thing your parents did wrong was not smashing you upside the head when you were younger to teach you respect.

Saying f-u to a parent would put you in the hospital here. The hospital. And if the doctors knew why you were there, they'd take their time getting to you. Disgusting. Those are your PARENTS!

EDIT 4 : That's your problem. You think anything you do for your parents is a sacrifice. It's not a sacrifice to put away the christmas tree. Its not a sacrifice to take care of your parents financially when you're grown. It's a responsability. You're supposed to do that!

YOu know what the big problem is. YOu think relationships are all about the way you are treated and benefited by others instead of the way you treat others and your responsabilities to them.

You have a duty to care for and respect your parents. You also know that if you listened to me your relationship with them would improve. You owe your parents both honor and a tearful apology on the knees, kissing their hands. YOu'll see, if you approach your relationship witht he idea you are rightfully their servant and owe them all honor, your relationship will be better.

Answer 3

Realize that parents are people too, and don't always act the way they should. Sounds like your dad isn't somebody who's pleasant to be around - there's no law that you have to be around him, unless you're trying to kind of shield your mom.

It's not you, you're not a loser, The problems sound like they're mainly his. Stay away from him as much as possible, but don't let your mom not be able to see you because of the way he is.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Sorry to read this hon, I know how you feel...But unfortunately we cant change them, or lose them, we will always be part of each other...You need to leave them for a while, maybe a year or so...and than when you realize that you really, really miss them, than you might feel different about them...
Don't forget, we never know when we can lose someone forever and than things are left unfinished....

Have better New Year!

Answer 5

Let them know how yo feel.Get your frustrations off your chest before deleting them from your life.Maybe they really don't realize how bad they hurt you.All it may take is getting members of the family together and discussing issues like this one as adults

Answer 6

You need to STOP and be the bigger person. Your resolution should not be to forget your friends and family it should be that this is YOUR year. You are going to do better for yourself. If anything you should want to prove your parents (dad) wrong.

Answer 7

sounds like u got some issues! im not really sure wut to say. u dont have a good dad, he sounds like an a.. but that should motivate u to get out sooner. my family sucks and i cant wait to get as far away as possible!! so just stick in there until u can get an appartment or something.

Answer 8

Just ignore them, take this to someone you can trust, or talk with them. When that fails, move out until they look like they are in good shape.

Answer 9

Sounds like your need to find a nice man and settle down and have a couple of kids. Then you will be able to do one hell of a lot of hovering as they are bound to be messy gits like you.

Answer 10

Try moving out.
You sound old enough.