I'm bleeding out both eyeballs, my urine is the color and consistency of ketchup, my tongue is sloughing off little green flecks, my poop is shaped like cubes, I have had a nonstop migraine since President Bush's second inaugural and my eyehockey is a disturbing shade of magenta. What could be wrong?
2007-01-01 02:35:06 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
Please don't suggest a doctor, they cost money.
2007-01-01 02:40:03 · update #1
Oh brother...
2007-01-01 02:43:18 · answer #1 · answered by justcurious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need an Optirectomy. Thats a delicate procedure where they clip the nerve connecting your eyeballs to your anus. It's commonly done to improve your sh*ty outlook on life. Then try to watch less TV.
2007-01-01 10:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmmmm........
You may have been abducted by aliens back in your younger years....and it's only now the symptons are showing.
Best cure is to stand in a bucket of cold water, salute three times and shout I am not an alien.
This is the answer to your problem.
Good Luck
Kind regards :)
2007-01-01 10:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by Police Artist 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I go out and borrow all the money I could,spend all my own,party like crazy,give the Boss the finger and a FU memo.Spend some time in the tropics. YOU ain't got long....Sounds like you have social reflux disease.
2007-01-01 10:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by Rio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the symptons indicate the liklehood that the patient has had an excellent xmas and new year and is in excellent condition for a few more sessions. but if my diagnosis is wrong count dracula lives
2007-01-01 10:42:00 · answer #5 · answered by briangimma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your making this up because if you weren't you won't care if going to the doctor cost money you'd want to get rid of it and get healthy no matter how much it cost.
2007-01-01 10:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are plagued with a serious condition known as BSS, that's Bull Sh** Syndrome.
Don't worry, no one ever died from that. But their heads have been known to collaps when deficating too much.
2007-01-01 10:46:14 · answer #7 · answered by tercir2006 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mental disturbance.. :p Get a shrink.
2007-01-01 10:46:57 · answer #8 · answered by TheOne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to die so to stop the pain now you can go throw your self off a cliff and hope for the worst. :)
2007-01-01 10:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by ColBlaster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be getting married. But since your eyes are bleeding you could be looking at my ex-wife naked.
2007-01-01 10:38:41 · answer #10 · answered by D.C 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I suspect severe mental retardation.
2007-01-01 10:38:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋