My illegal husbad says if I love him I would help him with his papers so he can have a better living and support us better. We lived together for about a year then separated, but he tells me constantly to help him get his papers. He treats me nice and tries to show how much he loves me. I constantly hear stories of people in a similar situation only to find out that their partner cheated on them once they got the papers, so that is what scares me and is holding me back. Is it my insecurity, or should I trust him and help him? We're now at this point where he says if I don't help him it shows that I don't care about him and don't want a better life for him, so he won't move back with me because he doesn't want to go through the same struggles when we lived together due to him not having a job. What do you think?
2007-01-01 02:09:56 · 36 answers · asked by chia123 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Immigration
Candidly speaking, you need to wake up and smell the coffee.
2007-01-01 02:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by Made in America 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Illegal husband - the two words cancel each other out, like plastic silverware.
If he's your husband, you have a legal contract, and that involves a commitment on your part. If he is in the country illegally and your husband - then you have a serious question.
Without knowing either of you - the fact that you have these doubts says to me this is not a relationship built on love and trust. Any demand that begins with the phrase "If you loved me you would...." Love is not a negotiating tool. Or something you use as a threat.
Let me move out - clear the decks - and start looking for someone you can love AND trust and about whom you don't have all these questions. Someone legal.
I suspect you will find if he moves out, he will find someone else very quickly. And once he has his papers, you will see how he treats her. And you will be glad.
2007-01-01 02:20:36 · answer #2 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say what it takes to get his papers. Is it free or is there money involved? Here's a complicated but sensitive answer that you may want to consider:
If there is money involved in getting the papers, make him give it to you. He will be a better person if he takes responsibility for himself and gets a job and supports himself. He owes it to you to make you proud.
Then, if you don't trust him but you still love him, you may want to get him the papers and then let him GO his way. But make sure you don't pay the fees. Don't give in. Remind him each time he comes with his request that he must produce the money (from a JOB and nothing else.) Make him Prove that he is working.
Everyone deserves happiness, but ESPECIALLY YOU. This man is too confusing for you. As you proceed, always remember that YOU come first. There is someone who will truly love you and who will make you happy and will be known once you are finished with this man.
Buena suerte!
2007-01-01 02:26:49 · answer #3 · answered by Reba K 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know the type of guy he is, and al he wants is his papers and once you comply, then its "see Ya'. I have known of many men (not all but most), who come over here and sweet talk a lady , marry her, maybe even give her a kid or two, and once they have their papers, its see ya, and he goes back to his original family and helps them get papers. I honestly hope yours is really on the up and up, but now a days I have seen too many women used and kids abandoned, by dirtbags who will do anything and use anyone for papers. Good Luck...
2007-01-01 02:53:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
While he may indeed love you he seems pretty much of a manipulator.Love doesn't come with a price tag .If he loved you he would do everything in his own power to become legal.He may be truthful and he may want to provide for you .But if he is your husband already why are you hesitating to help him.you can hold him by dangling the carrot of legality and he also shouldn't demand it from you with the threat of leaving you .Love doesn't come with a guarantee he could cheat on you now.Look deep into your heart and his.i wish you much luck.
No one should be here illegally and in your heart you know why you are hesitating.Don't you ?
2007-01-01 03:24:18 · answer #5 · answered by Yakuza 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I knew a woman whose husband was legal and did the same thing to her....he was lying to the IRS about his income and using her to sign the papers. So, it can happen to all women who don't know what it going on. BOTTOM LINE....DON'T SIGN
THE BOTTOM LINE...unless you know for sure what you are signing. You can be determined legally responsible if you do.
If you are afraid, tell him to give you the papers and you will sign later. If he says no, you know there is a problem. Also, you have
family, let at least someone know what is going on. Another way to document what's happening is to write it in a letter and mail it to someone like your mother, sister, brother, etc. You have options and power....you just don't know it.
2007-01-01 02:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by S E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He shows you how much he loves you with threats? Unfortunately, millions of illegals are working in our country so what's his excuse? Go on line to see the miilions of other American women are being duped by illegals with the promise of "love"! Why would you want him back - wake up & smell the coffee!
2007-01-01 02:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
call ice on him he want a free ride because after he get his paper then green card he get up and leave you he sound like a little kid you need a man if you dont help me i move is that like you show me your and i show you mine please closed the door and court your bless run to court and file asap there are so many job out it dont matter what kind of job as long as you try and he want you to pay his way aswhile tell him the papers cost money to file and youre not his mother you are being used good luck
2007-01-01 02:54:20 · answer #8 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A marriage is about alot of things, one of them is helping each other. A good man needs to know he is helping his family, if he can not do that then he feels useless. A relationship can not be one sided.
Help him with his papers. If he ends up doing the wrong thing, then let it be, You will know that you did the right thing.
Didn't you get married for a reason? Love and Trust , Good times and Bad
Good luck
2007-01-01 02:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by AlwaysLearning 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As we say in Greece, "O dromos einai aniktos kai ta skilia demena." (The road is open and the dogs are tied) Meaning about the same as "Don't let the door hit you on your way out."
Find somebody to love you who doesn't want anything but love in return. There are plenty of good men out there. Dump the jerk.
2007-01-01 03:09:54 · answer #10 · answered by dognhorsemom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious to most of us that all he wants his his papers. If you have to ask us what to do, you already know the answer. Plus if he's currently illegal, it'll cost you $1,000 just to get forgiven for that then another close to $1,000 to file the forms for residency. Legal citizenship isn't cheap, but for those of us who are married to an immigrant for the right reasons, it's more than worth it.
2007-01-01 02:19:56 · answer #11 · answered by glitterkittyy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋