I met someone who refuses to have anything to do with her family...how common is this?

Question

They haven't spoken for years, it's nothing to do with abuse or anything, they just don't see 'eye to eye' on things.

Answer 1

I would say it's relatively common. There might be issues that makes one not want to have any contact with the family.

Beliefs or opinions that differ and clash completely for example.

Answer 2

blood relatives are over rated. just because u are related doesnt automatically mean u will all get on and live happily ever after.
"family" comes in all shapes and sizes and u dont have to share the same dna. she will have good reasons for this and might share them with u or not in time. it definetly does not make her any less of a person. there are some people who are kept at arms length in ur life and some people u cut out as they cause trouble or confusion and do not have the best intentions. wither that is family or acquaintences is irrelevant. if this is true in her case then she is a sensible irl. there is nothing worse than keeping people in ur life that continually abuse ur good nature or take advantage, disrespectful whatever it may be and being miserable and a martyr. u distance urself from these negative people regardless of blood ties. and go on to have a good healthly life!!!

Answer 3

It's more common than you think. Many people have at least one family member who they never contact. It's usually the lesser of two evils - do you want every family gathering, Christmas and New Year ruined by someone who brings you nothing but grief, or is it kinder all round to accept that you do nothing positive for each other and it's best to draw a veil over it?

What bothers me about the girl in your question is that it seems you only just met her. I don't have much to do with my family, but I don't go around telling strangers about it. Even if asked a direct question, I dissemble.

I think "issues" is an over-used word, but if someone I just met started explaining how they have cut their family out of their lives I'd assume that it was a big deal to them even if they were pointedly saying that it wasn't.

If you're thinking of starting a relationship with this girl, you might want to gently ask some open questions about her friends, workmates, neighbours, past boyfriends and so on. If you start to spot a theme of "I used to think they were so nice, but now I hate them because of what they did to me" then I'd advise giving this one a miss.

Answer 4

I am the Mother of such a daughter. I love her with all my heart but she has distanced herself from the rest of our family for the last 21 yrs.when my Mother (her Nana) died, was also the last time she was in our home. She tried to keep up with some of her siblings by bad mouthing others in the family, They didnt want to hear it and she broke ties with them too. She was before this, one of the sweetest young women, so thoughtful and attentive and then, I wish it were only a dream but it wasn't, she changed like daylight to dark, her entire personality and she had the best. I got into therapy and from her hateful letters and much therapy on my part I was able to put it in Gods hands and move on. My Phycrstrist determened she had a narcistic personality. When her grandmother died ,she lost her greatest admirer. She needed always to be in the limelight and her Nana kept her there.She is the oldest of 5 and made a career as a United airline stewardess.We all still love her and would welcome her home but it is in Gods hands. She also may hane gotten into drugs because she had an interest in everything and because of the change in her. She is 59 now and I gave birth to her when I was 16. That I was so close to her age always was a concern of hers. She is well off with a good husband but I'm sure she is wearing the pants but that is there business.
I would say to you and your question~~~Families are wonderful and you probaly know that. We so enjoy our other 4 adult children and we are all getting along fine. We take care of issues as they come up. You need to get your friend to talk about her feeling.~~ Watch her expressions and body language. In my heart of hearts I do believe that anyone that can forsake their roots' have some personality disorders. Please be careful so that you don't become a victim yourself later..Good Luck to you. I feel like you are a real nice person with values.~~ Happy New Year !!!!

Answer 5

I would call it a "red flag," but I wouldn't judge the person without knowing more. Myself, I haven't spoken to my parents in 9 years, but I do speak to my sisters and grandmother. I have no problem with friendships and have many good friends, and I've been with my husband for 8 years. My parents are simply not healthy people. They are mean and immature. I've saved myself a lot of drama and heartache by leaving them out of my life.

Answer 6

It's not very common. You can bet that the behavior may not qualify as abuse but there certainly is dysfunction and if the person can not speak to their family friends and lovers can be put in the same box. Look, there is an innate, compulsive, driven NEED to connect with family and there is some severe trauma or mis-wiring in the brain to disable that.

Answer 7

I have never been very close to my immediate family but have a better relationship with aunts, uncles etc. My boyfriend doesn't understand because he is so close to his family. Don't judge her for how she feels or what she has decided. She'll tell you more when she's ready. We don't choose our family and unfortunately for some of us we just don't like the family we have. The people I have in my life that I truly care about and make me happy are my family

Answer 8

Not that uncommon

I have two sons who refuse to have contact with their Mum(divorced) and younger sister

They have their own reasoning that I refuse to discuss on here

I think that the person you met will have their own reasons and that you should try to understand and make no comments regards your own opinions on the subject

If you force the issue for your own family values you are likely to loose this person

Understand where they are coming from

If there is any fences to be repaired then they must be allowed to make that decision on there own

Be there and support them is the only way you will ever begin to understand this

Believe me I know despite it being hard for you right now

Answer 9

Proceed with caution. Sometimes people who sever all ties with those that they were once close too have problems dealing with issues that most the rest of us can work with/around/through. I'm not saying she doesn't have a good reason, but that it's possible that when the going gets tough, she just leaves because she's too stubborn, too lazy, too ill prepared to work through life's problems. Try to find out if she has a pattern of cutting ties, because if she does, and you end up with her, you might find her wanting you to cut ties with those you are close to.....

Answer 10

This does happen....but I'd say...keep away! If you end up getting more involved and more serious in the future, it will be too complicated! Find someone with a loving family.....for a happy ending for both of you. Good luck!