We both felt we were right, now that I have had a couple of days to think I see where we both went wrong, but I don't want to feel like I am cashing him down to talk to me. I also am aware that me feeling like I am begging him to talk to me has a lot to do with my pride, but the bottom line is he let the new year come in with out saying one word to me. I did send him a text so he could not say I did the same thing. We are in our mid 20's, and as strong as this relationship is it always tend to take a bad turn when it comes to our pride, and I feel like as mush as I want to talk to him I #1 don't want to feel or be rejected, and I don't want to feel like it was ok for him to not say anything to me bringing in the new year. Without telling me to break up with him do you have any ideas on how to compromise?
2007-01-01 01:49:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's difficult to separate the ego from the necessities (emotional needs) isn't it? It would be ideal if you could both get to the place where you could say "Boy, I screwed that one up ROYALLY" and not have it crammed down your throat at the next disagreement. The thing is, relationships are NOT a zero sum game. If he gets a point, you don't get a point taken away. If you get a point, he doesn't lose a point. It can be very hard to get to that place though.
Think about something like this: "We've gone through this before and I, for one, regret that we had the argument (and the arguments before this one) and that my stand was so strong and that I was so insistent. I feel that perhaps you did the same. It's not a good pattern that we have going and we need to find some way to satisfy both egos and not get crushed by the other. What do you think?"
He can join you or jump on you. If he jumps on you (he probably won't) you might want to think a little more about the problem.
2007-01-01 02:01:00 · answer #1 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Compromise is like sex. It takes a minimum of two people.
Without knowing how mature your guy is, I am not sure how well this will work.
You need to sit down with him. It's not about one of you winning and one of you losing, it's about both of you winning each other back at the conclusion of this foolishness.
Set some ground rules:
1. STAY ON THE ISSUE. If you fought about which Menudo song is best, no veering off into Ricky Martin.
2. Both of you need to decide whether the issue is important enough to flush your relationship over. Look each other in the eye and answer that one. If he feels SO strongly about Menudo that he'll dump you, he should tell you.
3. Fight fair. No "you always," no "you never," no exaggeration. Take turns. Listen, digest, respond.
The issue usually isn't worth the drama. The drama is caused by how two people quarrel OVER the issue. It's not Menudo, it's how nasty you two get when you disagree about Menudo.
Better discussions equal faster resolutions to disagreements. You may even decide that it's okay to disagree on vital issues like Menudo.
Good luck. Call.
2007-01-01 10:00:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide what is more important to you; being right and having your pride, or being in a relationship with him. Any relationship that is going to go any distance requires both parties to compromise and that can mean swallowing your pride and focus on working things out. If you are not ready for that, as much as you don't want to hear it, you are not ready for a relationship with him or any other man.
2007-01-01 09:54:04 · answer #3 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont ever get into the self righteousness thing. Just stay silent whenever he is venting. Take it as vent, whatever he's saying. We all need it from time to time. There are no solutions to venting. As soon as it is released, we are able to think more clearly.
You need to know that this is what you're doing when you do it. Before you do it, just frame it to him as venting. Just so no one will feel defensive. And when you're done venting, just walk away. It makes the recipient feel good you're not seeking an answer right then.
I hope this helps take you and him on another new level of relating with each other.
2007-01-01 10:15:12 · answer #4 · answered by thru a glass darkly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u may have to be the one to take the high road here, and validate what he said and find some truth in his opinion. in other words to defuse an argument, agree with what he is saying and accept that he can have his own point of view. pride is so bad in relationships cause each person believes they are right, and each party refuses to give in or communicate, or be the first one to be sorry. relationships are all about compromise, and seeing the other person's point of view also. alot of what blocks communication is fear that we will be hurt or rejected.
2007-01-01 09:56:18 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
pride is a hard thing to swallow, but i have 'taken a hit for the team' many of times.
relationship meant more to me than pride.
you are only a few years younger than me, but you will learn, what is more important.
i didn't have the best new years, bf and i were kinda arguing. but we both made the best out of it. i called him this morning and apologized for being 'cranky' and asked if he was sorry also (maybe sounds like begging for apologies) he said 'yes' that he was, and it was just the holiday.
we are ok, and that it's self means more to me than being the 1st or last to say "I'm sorry"
Make up, listen to Travis Tritt's "foolish pride" song.
and let him know that he needs to admit when he is wrong too..
Good luck, I hope it all works out for the both of you.
oh yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
2007-01-01 09:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by lil' angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it is better to be happy than to have to always be right. I'd tell him, "I see where we both went wrong, and I admit to my part in it." Then move on, and have a happy new year together.
2007-01-01 09:56:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to the song "Husbands and Wives" by Brooks and Dunn.
2007-01-01 09:52:39 · answer #8 · answered by I hate friggin' crybabies 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i saw a comment --- what is more important --- your relationship or your beliefs???? --- both ask yourself that question and see what your answers are --- if your relationship is more important then get together and talk it out
2007-01-01 09:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kiss and make up. Agree to disagree.
Isn't your relationship worth it????
2007-01-01 09:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by purpleone726 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋