What should my 6 yr old daughter know about male private parts?She drew male "potty parts" on a snowman.

Question

I am going thru a divorce. Her father has a 1 bedroom apartment, and has recently filed for full custody. It is not my intent to open a can of worms or to be accusing, but I am concerned about how my daughter drew an anotomically correct male body part that she called "potty parts." Incidently, my daughter has been wetting her pants at school since about last April. Should I worry about my daughter? Is it normal for a 6 yr old girl to draw male body parts correctly? I don't think she has been sexually molested or anything. Is it a big leap from knowing what male parts look like to having been sexually molested?

Answer 1

You need to come right out and ask her how she knows what they look like. Don't beat around the bush, it is a serious thing!!!

Answer 2

Well, when I was her age, I had a two year old little brother whose diaper I had seen changed several times, along with many of my parents' friend's kids. It doesn't seem too strange that even if she doesn't have a little brother, some of her friends would, so perhaps she witnessed a diaper change more than once?

On the flip, you do have a concern about her drawing them. Like someone said, she could've saw a little boy drawing those "potty parts" or she could've seen your ex coming out of the shower. I'd ask her. There may be a perfectly logical explanation...one that has been brought up in this forum or a totally different one all together. But it could also be a "red flag."

Answer 3

POsitive thinking : there might have been incidents where she accidentally saw her dad taken a piss and had a glimpse of his penis. And probably he informed her of the body part and it's function for the sake of her curiosity. Ask him, and afterwards make a deal with him to go to the bathroom in private -close the door- next time.
On the other hand..
Yes you should worry. Take her to a pediatrician and check if her hymen's ok. If there's been signs and traces of molestation/sexual act/abuse/rape, I'm sure the specialist would know. And if there is, make sure you get the information out from her in a subtle and unsurprising way. First teach her about HER body parts and when you come across her privates, then you can start a conversation that you know will lead you the answer. Tell her that if her private part is touched or disturbed in any wrong way, it might give her itch or pain and ask her if she's been experienced any of both. DO NOT show an interrogative tone. I know it would be difficult, but you'd have to be strong in order to protect her. If you don't feel up to asking her and that you won't be able to handle the truth, consult and ask your female family member whom your daughter is close to to do so.
Please don't delay. Love her by protecting her.

Answer 4

6 is the age when kids are fascinated by all body parts. And clearly "boy" parts are different from "girl" parts, which she likely has now seen from her dad. I wouldn't get frantic about it. It's also the age when they want to know how they came into the world. And they draw what they can. I have pictures that my sons drew at 4 that have male body parts - although at 4 they were more illustrative than accurate. I guess one thing to consider is acutally "HOW ACCURATE"

If you are worried about it then tell her she did a really good job at the details and you didn't know she knew about "boy" parts. Let her tell you how she knew - no condeming. You could also let her know that it's ok to draw those in private, but just like people cover them in public, generally that kind of drawing is not for public either. (we are not talking fine art at the moment)

As for the wetting - divorce is incredibly stressful for girls of that age - and actually any age. Perahps she could benefit from some professional counselling. Probabaly both of you should go so that you can have some guidance on what is making her anxious and how to best deal with it.

Answer 5

Perhaps she just saw your husband naked. My son is five and tends to just barge in my bedroom or the bathroom without knocking. At 6 it's possible another child showed her his penis.

The pants wetting could be stress over the divorce or a problem with her bladder. You should speak with a doctor about that.

Have you asked her where she learned "potty parts" kids usually retain that type of information. I see no reason why a six year old could not handle knowing what a penis looks like. You might want to look into a book designed to explain organs. When I was pregnant I discussed with my son all the parts of a woman (Not in detail) like breasts for making milk and a special opening for the baby to come out, etc.

Answer 6

Have you asked her? Sexual abuse/drawing body parts is not necessarily a big leap, but it is a possibility - along with seeing a picture, your husband or some little boy. When you ask her about how she knows what male body parts look like, don't ask leading questions or be judgmental. If she says she "can't tell" or refuses to tell, then try to find out why she won't tell you.

The pant's wetting could be related to either a physical problem or to some type of emotional stress. She needs to be evaluated by a doctor and if the problem is not physical then she should be evaluated by a psychologist

Answer 7

I agree, ask her where she saw them.

What's this business with "potty parts" though? Is she not allowed, for some reason, to know the basics of human anatomy? If her dad lives in a one bedroom place, it's probably fair to assume she might have seen him change, or step out of the shower. It's time to start talking to her. She's big enough to know the basics, don't you think? Ecspecially if she's seen one, even by accident. She's going to be curious, it's natural to be curious.

My husband and I have told our oldest the basics of human anatomy, what sex is, and answered any questions he's had. It's better that she learn it from you now, than from a friend at school in the next year or two.

Answer 8

Well, since she is at school, i'd look there as well. By first grade kids are daring each other to show their genitalia. It's great fun to joke about them, and you would probably be surprised at what she has learned at school besides academics. If my children and I didn't have such honest relationships, I would have been surprised.

If you think something is going on, which is basically what you are implying, then ask her. She's not a baby, and she'll tell you. I'm going to say it's a big leap, because my kids have never been molested, but they know very well all the proper names and what the genitals look like.

Answer 9

If you have serious concerns about this and not just sour grapes about the divorce then seek help with family and children services or a counselor who speciallizes in this. They can ask the right questions and document the answers. There are alot more behaviour and signals for molesting than you maybe seeing. Clinging to the abuser in one. Nightmares are too. It may not be your husband, it maybe someone else. So for your own peace of mind, go get some help with this and don't wait.

Answer 10

Either she's walked in on daddy using the potty or he's been touching her ask her how she knew what boy potty parts looked like and get her tested just to make sure he hasn't been doing anything to her.

Answer 11

another reason to have her checked by a pediatrician and a therapist (separately) is because a possible issue/incident(s) could have occurred not by the hand of your ex-husband but by a friend of his who came over in his small apartment or perhaps she went with him somewhere. you really don't know exactly where he is taking her at all times. if...something/anything happened it didn't necessarily happen by the hand of your ex. but could have occurred surrounding this situation. I'd have her checked out and would let her know I was suspicious in ANY way. I'd act casual.