and one to each of his children who are out of the house and one to each brother and sisters he had? Seems like alot of sympathy cards but Im stuck and dont know what to do. Also instead of flowers are people putting money in cards now?
2006-12-31 22:46:09 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Ive noticed that alot of people send money in cards to the family now instead of flowers. Whats the money for?
2006-12-31 22:47:49 · update #1
If all of these are people that you are close to, or that you feel you could be a comfort to during this time of intense emotional turmoil, absolutely - sit down and think about what your friend meant to each one of them and write to them personally.
It can be really hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, and even harder to know how to cope with your own grief. So, I put a link to a beautiful booklet (available free in electronic or paper form) that helped me an incredible amount in facing my grandpa's death. It is called: "When Someone You Love Dies." It has a wonderful section on 'what to say' and 'what not to say' to people who are grieving. It also helps people to understand the grieving process, to cope, and to live with hope. The first link is to a URL where you can read it online. The second is to a form you can fill out if you want a hard copy. It might even be a good idea to get several and include them with the sympathy cards. It might help them to get through this hard time. Totally up to your discretion, though.
As far as the money thing . . . that totally depends on your relationship with the family. If you know the family is having a hard time financially, and the costs of the funeral, or the loss of your friend's income are really breaking them, it might be nice to give his wife some money to help out. If it were me, I probably would give it to her separately from the sympathy card, though. Don't ask if she needs it - that would get really awkward - but if you know she does, just slip an envelope into her hand maybe saying something like: "I know things are hard right now. Let me help."
I'm truly sorry for your loss, and I hope this makes things just a little easier. Don't be afraid to hurt. But I wish you much comfort to get through this.
~Jessica
2006-12-31 23:13:06 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should send a condolence card to the widow and if you knew the deceased's parents if you knew them. Each card should be addressed to include the recipient and family.
Many people are sending money instead of flowers so that the family will have money to offset the cost of the funeral and the associated expenses. Funerals are very expensive and the cost must be paid up front.
2007-01-01 05:28:35 · answer #2 · answered by Inquisitive125 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take a hot dish to his family that are in town for the funeral. There are times that a number of them are unable to even cook at these times. I would NEVER send money to a family. I have no idea why anyone would do so. These are sad times. The flowers were a sign of respect for the one who died. Send cards to those you knew, not to those that you didn't. If you are able to attend the viewing or funeral the relatives might appreciate seeing you then. I hope that all goes well. Read, study, and pray for the family. They may need it.
Eds
2006-12-31 22:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by Eds 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be appropriate to write a card to his wife and to his parents. If the 2 of you were like best friends and you knew all the family, then yes, I'd probably include a card to his grown kids. I think that would be appropriate and much appreciated. Don't put money in a sympathy card....instead of flowers you can make a donation to his church or to a favorite charity but don't put money in the card, instead just write a note that you have made a donation in his name to such and such charity or to the church. Don't get too bogged down with writing cards to every member of the family, I think the wife, parents and children are enough.
2006-12-31 22:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cards are a nice gesture, but if you don't know the whole family intimately it will be awkward and rude to send a card to everyone. A note to the parent and spouse should be sufficient and definitely no money in the cards.
If you want to make a donation find out where he's being interned and donate anonymously otherwise you'll come across as an insensitive boob.
2006-12-31 22:52:17 · answer #5 · answered by erinbrae_erinnbree 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is cold and impersonal but she lost her spouse so be compassionate. I think the best thing for you to do is call her and ask if there's anything you can do to help. It's kind of odd that you say he was a very good friend but you didn't know about his death for 3 weeks? If the two of you were very good friends, she might've felt a bit abandoned by his group of friends not showing up to offer any support. Shouldn't someone in your circle have tried to call this guy sooner than 3 weeks just to catch up? Then you would've found out a lot sooner. She could've handled it better but you may have no idea with the amount of grief and loose ends she's dealing with right now. If I were you, take a deep breath and offer whatever help you can.
2016-05-23 02:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are a good friend you will send a card to everyone. The money in cards is to help the family with final expenses. Anyone with taste sends flowers, cards and money.
2006-12-31 22:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sending cards is a noble and honorable thing to do. In times of grief, people can use any amount of kindness. Your card or cards will be appreciated. Send one to the parents and send one to the wife for the friend's whole family.
Flowers at funerals are a nice gesture. However, they are way too expensive. A beautiful arrangement sits for two or three days then gets dumped in a pile in a cemetery. Not a good use of money. Money in cards is a gesture to help with funeral expenses. It costs money to die...maybe as much as $6,000. It can be cheaper to give a gift of money than to buy flowers.
2006-12-31 22:54:22 · answer #8 · answered by regerugged 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
depending on how close you were to the brothers and sisters i would only send a card to the wife and the parents, and don't put money in the card, not for sympthy, flowers are always good.
sorry for your loss and good luck
2006-12-31 22:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by dutchcutie68 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cards are impersonal. They don't convey what you feel and your want to conjole. A nice hand written note to both would be better. As far as sending money, I would just add something to his wifes note stating that you understand the hardship of the loss and expenses that they should feel free to without any hesitationto let you know. Then if you know anyone close to them inquire later if there is send a little something at a later date.
2006-12-31 22:58:44 · answer #10 · answered by sonkysst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋