I married a man who has 3 boys, who live with us full time. Here's their story. There was infidelity on the moms side and mom left the family. Mom still lives in town. Mom has put work as priority over her children. Mom sees her children maybe 2 hours every 3 weeks if they're lucky and only if they hound her or someone else other than her sets it up.
The boys love me and call me mom (their choice). We've got a good relationship. The problem I have is that my husband and I are newlyweds and I just want to spend some time with just him. I wish we had spicific days that their mother would take them. I'm also concerned for the future of the boys. What happens to children that are neglected by their mother? They're sweet boys and there's no reason why they should be treated this way by her. I admit that I am not always the greatest mom either, but it's only been 3 months and I'm just trying to get to know my husband. What can be done about this mother of their's?
2006-12-31 20:55:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
She prolly has issues and blames herself for breaking up the family. She prolly doesnt feel worthy of the children and that the father can give them a better life. I would take an easy on her.... maybe suggest she gets some help to some one close to her.
2006-12-31 21:02:24 · answer #1 · answered by Baby On Board 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No one can really tell you wats goin on in her head.I am a mum and i could never imagine no matter how bad things get ever not wanting anything to do with my son.But then again my sister in law has 4 children she is heavily on the drugs and treats the kids like absolute crap and they have to put up with it she tells them that she doesnt even want them and the oldest is seven youngest 9 mnths.Those kids dont have a father to turn to or a step mum or what or what not.Just be greatfull you are a lovely lady and u have enough respect and decency to help these kids father love them and take care of them.No one can make her do anything.I mean you could take her to court but that would cost you alot of money and could also cause more heart ache for the boys.As for the fact of the matter of you and ur husband.I totally understand where you are coming from.This is meant to be YOUR time together.Have u talked to ur husband about this??let him know how u feel.It isnt gunna be easy but sort somethin out come to some sort of agreement.Does ur husband have any family around who could babysit once or twice a week?You said you are concerned about how the boys will be affected by their mother neglecting them.Just be thankfull they arent in my husbands nieces and nephews situation.As long as u and ur husband show them they are loved and wanted the less of an impact it will have.
2007-01-01 08:03:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your wanting to spen time with your husband for sure and congrats by the way! I think your doing great by taking care of these kids I give the most thumbs up to people who care for other children by choice. Anyhow here is the thing and it may just be my opinion because I took my husbands sister's kids all 4 for 1 year because thier mommy just decided she was done being mommy. She did however take them back because the state got involved but two days after case closed she was asking me to take them again. The girls were devestated. Here is my point don't make real mom be a mom if she don't want to even as much as you want her to be it will only hurt the kids. Do you guys have like a cousin or aunt and uncles the kids could go hang out with on the weekends or something? Best of luck to you and I hope things work out.
2007-01-01 05:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by SIMSGIRL 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that can be hard especially bec you are newlyweds. On one side it would be nice if their mom could spend more time with them. But on the other side there also advantages this way: They really seem to like you and you seem to be able to love them and give them something their one mother is not able to give to them, why would they call you mom otherwise.(I heard of many stories where the stepchildren gave the new mom a very hard time) And your love for them can also help them a lot in their future . I would not try to force the mom to spend more time with her children if she does not want to that could backfire on the children in a negative way.( Looks like she has some issues of her one).It is very hard on the children having to go back and force especially if one parent badmouthes the other what often happens. Do you have any relatives friends who could help you to get some time off? May be even trade babysitting with other families. Being newly married and having a blended family is hard. I pray that you find help and strength at this time.
2007-01-01 06:02:04 · answer #4 · answered by Rika 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be guilt. Not at leaving, but with the circumstances. She finds it hard to face her boys, after what she did.
It might be depression. She may need to see a doctor before things get straighten out.
It might be, that she's enjoying her freedom. In which she's no mother at all, and they're better off with you two.
I know how to feel. I have four children. My husband's in the military. He just flew back to Iraq, after two weeks at home, and I won't see him again until September. We won't get anytime alone, unless it's bedtime. We won't be able to go out to eat alone, go to the movies, none of that.
Now what about grandparents? Is it possible to have the boys spend a weekend every once and again there? Find a sitter, and go on a date with your husband. Other than that, you knew what you were getting into when you married the man. Sounds like you got a good deal too, if you asks me. You got a good man, and three good kids.
Good luck, and Happy New Year
2007-01-01 05:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by Patty O' Green 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His kids should come first and foremost, they were there before you and you knew that going into the marriage. I am not being mean but those kids didnt ask to come into this world and since there mom is not a "mother" his kids should come first always! Do you want them kids to experience going back to there mom if they know that she doesnt love them. That would be horrible to be sent to someone you know doesnt love you back. I say keep the kids and raise them on your own with hubby. Can you get a babysitter and have a some nights out to yourselves. Good Luck
2007-01-01 11:38:22 · answer #6 · answered by Kendra M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she does not want to be tied down and she proably really does not care for her kids cause if she did she would have them living with her. Maybe it is best if they don't see her as much. You knew your husband had 2 kids before you married him so you can't complain about it now or wish they would go with their mother more often.
If she does not want them at all then why don't you and your husband tell her to sign over all rights and let you adopt the 2 boys?
Good luck
2007-01-01 06:25:40 · answer #7 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she feels like shes not wanted you guys probably look like the picture perfect family to her. I don't think that the children will suffer from lack of mom visitation its seems they have already found a substitute for her. Just love the kids as best as u can k
2007-01-01 06:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means she's a heartless, selfish ***** and even if you figured out a way to force visitation on her, it wouldn't necessarily be better for the children having done so. They know who cares about them, and they know it's not their mother. Forcing them to go to her could be even more damaging to them. My niece has a mother who only cares when it's convenient for her, and every time she comes back from a visit she's messed up in the head.
If you need time with your hubby, send them to their grandparents for a weekend and take a mini-vacation or something. Hire a sitter for the night and go out for a nice dinner date. Stuff like that. People who don't have an estranged parent to pawn the kids off onto make time for themselves all the time. You just need to figure out how.
Sorry that sounded harsh. Good luck.
2007-01-01 06:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by desiderio 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i know of a women who left her 2 daughters for another man and a better life when they were both 8 years old. and now its almost 2 decades later. the daughters have no feelings when they see their real mother. just a stranger like sorta.
2007-01-01 05:05:41 · answer #10 · answered by Tosh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋