Abusive Mother But Friend To The Family...?

Question

My best friend has a sister whom is extremely aggressive towards her children. I can tell you stories and stories of the things she has done to her kids but I will only tell you a few.

Last year her 6 year old son ran away from the house yes I said 6. The cops were called and he was thankfully found safe and unharmed. The next day I went over to see if he was ok, I went in the room with my friend and her sister. Her son (I’ll use an alias name) John went into the room and asked if he could go out side with his brother and sisters she said “no because of what you did yesterday” he then said “I only did it because you don’t love me” and her response to that was “so what, I don’t love you”…

Last year I asked Sarah kindly if she would re pierce my ear for me and she agreed. A little blood spilled and I said “sorry for bleeding on you haha” she said “it’s ok I am use to it I dig my nails in my kids I dig em in them hard”…

Last year a few days after the fourth of July I heard someone stomping down the stairs and come to find out it is Sarah’s’ daughter. Sarah comes running down the stairs after her all the while smacking her head and face she then says to her “I’ll beat you like a b***h in the street” while her daughter is asking and pleading with her mother “what did I do mommy” and then she was kicked out of the house, at 12. A 12 year old year kicked out of her home.

Last year a few days after the fourth of July I heard someone stomping down the stairs and come to find out it is Sarah’s’ daughter. Sarah comes running down the stairs after her all the while smacking her head and face she then says to her “I’ll beat you like a b***h in the street” while her daughter is asking and pleading with her mother “what did I do mommy” and then she was kicked out of the house, at 12. A 12 year old year kicked out of her home.

Oh the story’s I could tell all of you would make your heads spin. There is no word to describe this woman and I fear that one day someone is going to get killed, and that goes both for the kids and her. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t want to call DCFS but I have known my best friend for years and I don’t want to ruin the relationship between us. So my question is should I call? Should I risk it? Could I call and not state my identity?

~~~Sorry for the repeat I was cutting and pasting from word~~~

Oh I forgot to mention that she has 8 kids now and she is only 29 years old..

Answer 1

i would call right away and keep calling until something is done and if your a minor tell an adult like your mom or dad i think you have to tell them your name in case your messing around or if they need more info but you can tell them not to tell her who called it in and talk to her sister i would mess my sister up so bad if she did that to my nephew

Answer 2

Yes ring the authorities. Has your friend got concerns as well? Discuss the matter with her. If she doesn't want to report her sister, then don't let her know your going ahead with it. You can be completely anon.
Reading just the few things you've written sickens me. You have to weigh up whats best. To stay in the mothers care or to put the kids into foster care. Which can be traumatic. But these kids sound like they would be relieved to be taken from the abuse. But the would still miss there mom. After all you only get one mom.
When you call to report her, make sure you stress to them that you fear for the children's lives. The authorities need to act quickly.
Even contact the schools the children attend and make an appointment with the head of the school or the councellor there. Voice your concearns to them as well. I'm sure the teachers of these children are aware something is going on.
They are then obligated to contact the authorities and there word and your's combined will make investigations happen quicker.
Pick up the phone now and make the calls. You'll feel better knowing you tried to help. If this woman kills one of her kids, you'll feel guilty you didn't try to do something to prevent it.
I know it's hard, I had to do it to my sister because she wasn't feeding her kids some days because she would spend the food money on nice things for herself. But after doing it, they are now feed 3 meals a day plus snacks and are looking happier and healthier. So I was glad I made the decision.
Kids are defenceless little people and they need more than their parents watching out for their well being.

Answer 3

You can call and report this anonymously. Depending on where you live, Child Protective Services can be slow, inaccurate, they may not be able to send anybody out for a while. Have you tried talking to your friend about what his sister is doing to her kids? Or why she has so freakin' many of them? If i had 8 I would beat them too...which is why I stopped at 2!
If you are a friend of the family...get friendlier! Offer to babysit from time to time so Mom can get her **** together, and the kids can see a rational adult from time to time. Ask the grandparents if they think this is acceptable. Befriend the kids....but do not talk about the abuse with them, just be there as a friend...someone, an adult...that they know they can come to, especially if they find themselves kicked out of the house or running away. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

well one thing that you cannot do is stand by and let these chidren get mistreated any further. i commend you for comming on here for help. this is a small step but big in many ways. i know that your afraid of losing your friendship but whats more important? a friendship or the safety of the children?. also if shes a true friend she won't take offense. your doing the right thing, if you can speak to the mother of your bestfriend and explain to her whats going on with her grand children maybe this will solve the prblem if not Call difus. best luck

ps you need not worry about them finding out because all calls are anoymus.

Answer 5

No one should ever be treated like this ESPECIALLY a child. They do not know any better. As an adult who witnesses this it is YOUR responsibility to call if you see abuse. Abuse is defined as ‘any marks left on a child that is not accidental. Also any broken skin or bleeding’. You already know what you should do. I just think you needed to hear that reaffirmed. CALL! You can remain anonymous. Your friendship with her should not be held in a higher regard than these children’s well being and lives. How would you feel if they died at her hand? You would not be able to live with it. She has already started a circle of abuse. You can be the one to help stop that. I know you will do what is right. PLEASE CALL!

Answer 6

Oh dear. I think that if you are really close with this friend of yours you should talk to him/her about it and tell them that it really worries you how his/her sister is treating her children and that it upsets you so much you feel you should report it. It is your friend's duty to look out for the wellbeing of those children too. Perhaps they can intervene in some way. That family is going to need your friend's support through whatever happens.

If it is something that is going to wreck your friendship, then I'm sorry to say but it's not a friendship worth having. I couldn't respect a friend of mine who let that happen in their own family without doing or saying anything. You be the best person here and do what you can for those children.

Answer 7

Hi there u poor thing i kno exactly wat is goin through ur head.I have been there.My husbands 24 yr old sister has 4 kids.she is a drug addict some of the stories i could tell you would be just as horrific as some of the ones u have just told.I had to take his 3 yr old niece to a sexual assault clinic bcos we thought she had been raped becuase she had genital warts.We have had 7 people ring docs millions of times but are yet to see anything done about wat is goin on.Ill tell u this tho be persistent.Everything is confidential no one has to find out anything or that u had anything to do with it.Keep the kids best interests at heart darling.Do the right thing.

Answer 8

Of course you should call!!! Right now! What's more important? Your friendship or your friend's LIFE?! She could be seriously hurt, in many ways.

You'd only be a good friend if you contact the proper authorities, or a responsible adult who can give those kids the care they deserve. This Sarah is abusive and dangerous, and should not be left with her kids. Please do something right away! And yes, I do believe you can be anonymous.

Answer 9

Honey, you have an obligation to these children to call DCFS and tell them what you have observed going on. How are you going to feel if she does kill one of these innocent children and maybe you could have prevented it with one simple phone call. Maybe she's on drugs and needs help. They will help her with rehab. But first and foremost is the safety of these children. They are innocent. They didn't ask to be born into this and to be treated like this by their own mother. Call them NOW for the children's sake!!! Good luck to you honey.

Answer 10

Go IMMEDIATELY to your local law enforcement agency and explain your concerns. You could save the life of one of those children.
If you are stonewalled there (some agencies balk at getting involved on the word of a third party), talk to the teachers of some of the kids with your concerns. (See list of mandatory reporters below) Go to your local DCFS or DHR agents. They are always overloaded with cases, but make a pest of yourself. Those children would thank you.
If you witness the abuse, call the police immediately. Child abuse is a form of domestic violence, and in most states the victim doesn't have to sign a complaint, the officer will do it for them (this is designed to cut back on abuse as retaliation for reporting the abuse)


By law, mandatory reporters must report suspected abuse or neglect of a child regardless of whether or not the knowledge of the abuse was gained in the reporter’s official capacity. In other words, the mandatory reporting of abuse or neglect of children is a 24-hour obligation.

Who are mandatory reporters? Medical personnel: Physicians, psychiatrists, surgeons, residents, interns, dentists, dentist hygienists, medical examiners, pathologists, osteopaths, coroners, Christian Science practitioners, chiropractors, podiatrists, registered and licensed practical nurses, emergency medical technicians, substance abuse treatment personnel, hospital administrators and other personnel involved in the examination, care or treatment of patients.

School and child care personnel: Teachers, school personnel, educational advocates assigned to a child pursuant to the School Code, truant officers, directors and staff assistants of day care centers and nursery schools.

Law Enforcement: Truant officers, probation officers, law enforcement officers, and field personnel of the Department of Corrections.

Others: Social workers, social service administrators, substance abuse treatment personnel, crisis line or hotline personnel, foster parents, homemakers, recreational program or facility personnel, registered psychologists and assistants working under the direct supervision of a psychologist.

Answer 11

If this is a genuine post how can you be more concerned about saving this friendship over saving these children.How can you sleep at night?Report this situation to Child protective services.Adults must take steps to protect children who are living in such a negative environmentYou are their voice.