2006-12-31 18:33:51 · 11 answers · asked by Ariana 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
2007-01-01 09:48:00 · answer #1 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two cows in a field one turns to the other and says "moo" they other turns and says "you fcuker I was gonna say that"
two ghosts at the dinner table one asks the other"can you pass the salt please"
the other replys "who the fcuk said that"
how do you make a hormone?
Wipe yer d1ck on her curtains
what do you tell yer wife when she has two black eyes?
Nothing you've told her twice allready
George Bush throw a press conference to announce his disgust at three brazilian journalists killed in iraq he pledges Americas intent on "bloody revenge" when the conference ends his aid says to him "that was a bit strong Mr President" george bush replys "I know but excactly how many is a brazillian"
Supermarket
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere!!!
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!
The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'
A man takes his father to the doctor.
At the office, the doctor tells the old man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have lung cancer. You'll be dead in a year."
On the way home, the old man turns to his grief-stricken son and says, "Quit all that cryin'! I'm not depressed. I've lived 75 great years. How 'bout you and me go to my favorite bar and have a couple beers with my friends?"
So while the guys are having their beers, the old man breaks the news to his friends. "Fellas," he says, "I'll be dead in a year 'cause I got AIDS."
On the way home, his son asks, "Dad, why did you lie to your friends?"
His dad replies, "'Cause when I die, I don't want them trying to **** your mother!"
2007-01-01 02:37:05 · answer #2 · answered by micho 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
No, but Eric H has a really funny one!!!
2007-01-01 14:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's a joke. Me spending New Years by myself without my women.
Noone to love and kiss.
2007-01-01 02:49:48 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Heres one i heard a couple yrs back.
The parents of a boy bout 8 yrs old were always fitin' callin' each other "b*tch" and "bastard", the boy asked his dad what "b*tch" meant, his dad said it means a woman, the boy asked his mom what "bastard" meant, she said it means a man. On Thanksgivin', the boy heard his dad say "sh*t" while shavin', the boy asked him what it meant and his dad replied "shavin' cream". He then walked in2 the kitchen when he heard his mom say "f***", he asked her what it meant and she replied "cook", so that nite at the dinner, the kid said "Good evenin', b*tches and bastards, my dads puttin' sh*t on his face and my moms f***ing the turkey.
2007-01-01 06:53:57 · answer #5 · answered by Eric H 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
a man walks into a store and ask the lady how much are the apples she says i dont know he walks out . the manager walks in and says if they ask how much the apples are they are 99cents he walks out and a man walks into a store and ask the lady how much are the apples she says they are 99cents he ask are they fresh she says i don't know he walk out and the manager walks in if they ask how much the apples are they are 99cents if they ask if the apples are fresh say yes very very fresh he walks out and a man walks in he ask how much the apples are she says they are 99cents he ask are they fresh she says yes very very fresh he ask should i buy them she says i don't know he walks out the manager walks in and says if they ask how much the apples are they are 99cents if they the apples are fresh say yes very very fresh if they ask if they should buy them say you better before someone else does he walks out and a robber walks in and ask how much the apples are she says they are 99cents he says are you getting fresh with me she says yes very very fresh he says am i gonna have to shoot you she says you better before someone else does.
2007-01-01 03:00:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Can you move your car from the emergency lane please?..Oh Im sorry ..Thats your mother
2007-01-01 02:36:36 · answer #7 · answered by Chise 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
yes i have
2007-01-01 02:39:24 · answer #8 · answered by Mag 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
not off hand!!!
2007-01-01 04:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by Ch!cks b4 D!cks anyday!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no i dont
2007-01-01 02:54:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋