should I trust her?

Question

My girlfriend went to michigan this week to her brothers wedding. She told me she wouldnt be talking to any other guys or flirting with any guys because she is the flirtatious type.I tried calling her for two hours one night but she didnt answer and when she finaly did, she was in a resteraunt. Well anyway I was talking to her on the phonelater that night and I found out that she went out to eat with a guy friend she has not seen in a while and his family.She tried to hide it from me! She told me her phone didn't ring at all ( it has done that once before, but only one call...I called her like 15 times and she said it didnt ring). We had a big argument afterwards.... What should I do. I mean she has never given me a reason not to trust her before. Should I kick her out the door or should I let it slide? O yeah, I asked her if he was good looking of not and she told me he was cute!!!! Im going out on a date with a hot girl this weekend to show her how it feels.

Answer 1

I'm amazed she hasn't dropped you already.
I would.

Answer 2

OK...Let's start at the beginning. You mention that your girlfriend is the flirtatious type. Clearly this makes you uncomfortable. Playful flirting (just kidding around) is OK between a group of friends as long as everyone knows the ground rules and boundaries are firmly in place. Nobody could say (without knowing you and her) whether you are overly jealous or she is acting out of line. In any case, if she is flirting knowing it makes you uncomfortable, she should respect your concerns and stop as you should be her priority. In addition, she should have never gone out to dinner with the guy friend without telling you first and making sure you were at ease. By hiding where she was to begin with, that opens the floodgates for you to mistrust not only that action, but everything else. Was she at dinner with "just a friend"? Was the family actually there too? What kind of an "old friend" was he? On top of it....she "finally" decides to tell the truth in the midst of other lies by saying he is cute???? No thanks. That is not healthy behavior. I am not buying the "phone did not ring" deal either. You say you are going out with a hot girl to show her how it feels. Bad idea. You do not need to use some other girl to get even. And why add mistrust on top of mistrust? Talk to her when she returns and tell her that her behavior was not what you look for in a solid relationship and ask her to explain herself and convince you that this type of thing will not be happening again. (that is if you are into giving someone that much rope....for me....I would have said see ya later)

Answer 3

Hi,

Please don't be offended when I say this... but you really should work on your confidence. Have you been hurt before? You said you had no reason not to trust her. I don't think she was up to anything bad. She didn't tell you because she knows you'd react this way. You sound really needy... not attractive for a guy or girl. I know how you feel, I've acted that way before, but only after I had a reason not to trust my ex. If you're so worried you should get out of the relationship... not because she may have strayed (but probably didn't) but because it just doesn't seem to be working for you. Do you like living all jealous like this? And calling her 15x?! That's like borderline psychotic. You need to relax and start to trust her, or at least find out why you aren't trusting her. You'd be much happier that way. And the revenge date? Why? That is incredibly immature to be honest.

Answer 4

It sounds like you do not trust your girlfriend. If you did trust her you would not need to call her for "two hours" or "15 times". This is possessive behavior. Your insecurity shows loud and clear. She obviously doesn't want to deal with your jealously and/or insecurity.

I have been in the same situation with a man who would call me 5 minutes after I walked out the door to go to the grocery store! I soon became so overwhelmed by his insecurity that he was smoothering and more dependent that my 10 year old son. Our relationship ended badly...I had to get a restraining order against him because he kept threatening me.

She told you she was going to her brother's wedding and that should be enough. You should wait for her to call you or if you call her, leave her a message and wait for her return call.

Don't ask questions you really don't want the answer to...it fuels your problem. Why would you ask about what the GUY FRIEND looks like??? This is another sign of insecurity.

Don't call her over and over again. She expects it...obviously she loves you because she puts up with your acquisations. Try something new. Go out with your friends...get busy having some fun.

Don't assume she is cheating. She wouldn't admit things to you if she was cheating. It sounds like she is being honest even though she knows you will react badly to her answers. She went out with the friend and his family...this is not a date or an indication of her cheating on you. You have blown it all out of poorportion...made a nice dinner out with friends into your girlfriend is cheating.

I bet she becomes defensive and feels hurt because you don't trust her.

Try some self help books on co-dependency or putting the past behind. It appears you have trust issues and it is not fair to you or your girlfriend to continue getting into fights.

The last comment about teaching her a lesson is scary...maybe you want to break your relationship.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. Remember you cannot control the behavior of others BUT you can control how you behave. Stop chasing after her...let her miss you too!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Here is the facts:

1) Never should you ever trust a woman!

2) She slept with him!

3) This is not the first time!

Resolution:

1) Tell her you slept with a relative of hers that you might know well. This she will never wholly know to be untrue. The result is that she will always think in the back of her mind that it maybe did happen. This will drive a lifelong hidden distrust in her own family.This is very destructive! Pick a female relative that she is close to. This is for maximum punishment as a result of her unreasonableness!

Good Luck!

Answer 6

really immature...."Im going out on a date with a hot girl this weekend to show her how it feels."

If you are this insecure you might as well end it now and get yourself a blow up doll or something man!! If she is out of town her phone very well may not have worked....Im do know the feeling of mistrust and i'm afraid it is the kiss of death fro a relationship..why would you wantnot date someone you cant trust...or is itr just your jealousy and your own infidelity that makes you think everyone is this way. Of course, she very well may be banging someone else...weddings are famous for loosening woman up. bummer dude! Call her motel room directly and have a nice long chat with her, rela calm like.

Answer 7

You are showing the signs of being insecure. Going out on a date with a "hot girl" this weekend isn't going to make things better. She needs to know if you can trust her and you're not giving her that by calling her every second. Let it slide. It was only dinner.

Answer 8

Why not do her a favor and break up with her. No person needs to be around someone who is possessive and jealous like you. Who really cares if she had dinner with some boy and his family. She probably didn't tell you because you would totally flip out like you obviously did. You can't expect any girl to have no relationship friendship wise with any other guy. That would be impossible as most people form working friendships and people they do to school with. You are the one with the problem and if you were to gain some self esteem you would cease to see every man in your girlfriends life as a rival.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are experiencing some insecurity. So what if she has a male friend and went out to dinner with him and his family? If that causes you such angst then I think you need to deal with it. Until you do, you will always be looking for reasons to distrust her even if there are none there.

And going out with another woman just for spite will not make anything better.

My best suggestion to you is to grow up! Gain some maturity so you can deal with a relationship in the real world.

Answer 10

hey ,

i wuld like to 2 things,
1. you must not reach conclusion that she was avoiding you wile out for dinner, may be she actually did not realise her phone ringing as it wil be on silent. or she did not wnat to offend other diners by taking the call there are times when you cannot take the call.
2. DO NOT , DOT NOT get in this game of " making her realise '
Since you 2 have alread fought over it and not put the incednet aside , On this new year eve , go out or stat by at hope, party or spend time together . but do not sulk. ...
happy new year ,,and hope you have a nice time . :)

Answer 11

are you gonna tell her about your date?? if you trust her then you shouldn't have to call her....how far away are you from michigan? some girls pretend they can be trusted when they shouldn't be trusted..... most likely if you live far from michigan they will never see each other again.....give it a little time and talk about the future if you cant picture you with her 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now then just end it or else you're gonna waste time and get more hurt