I have a kid (his first grandkid) and he wants to "spoil" him. I want him to abide by the rules we do at home. Am I wrong to not want him to keep him overnight? He uses derogatory terms sometimes and is a little too rough with him (according to me) and he is very mean to my close friends.
2006-12-31 17:22:25 · 6 answers · asked by Dr. H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
when you were a child you father had rules for you which you had to obey so now you are the parent with your own set of rules for your child and your father has a right by you to obey these rules regardless what he thinks of them.
Grandparents sometimes view their grandchildren as their second chance of putting things right,doing things differently from when they had their own children which is why you always see grandparents being very lenient with their grandchildren but this doesnt give you father the right to put aside the rules you want for your child.
Tell your father if he cant be civil and realise the rules you have are for the best for your child then maybe the time isnt right for your child to stay over night with him.
What you dont want is your father breaking all the rules to look like a cool grandfather and giving your child what he wants because your child may adopt a certain behavioural pattern to get what he wants from you when you try and put the rules in place that your father has not followed.
2006-12-31 20:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man is NOT going to be a good influence on your son. Do not leave your son alone with him. If he uses derogatory terms and is too rough with you around, he will probably be worse with you gone, and your son will be without protection.
If a grandparent wants to spoil a grandchild by excessive gifts, compliments, and love, that is fine. If they want to spoil them by putting up with really bad behavior, that is not fine, esp if this is a young child you are talking about. An older kid will be less likely to take advantage, but this would have a bigger effect on a toddler or preschooler.
You say your dad is sometimes awful and mean to your close friends but he makes you feel bad for trying to set limits. Well, boo hoo for him. Of course he tries to make you feel bad - don't let him. Be firm in how he is allowed to talk to you and treat you and your son and your friends. Don't get angry and pop off, but be kind and firm and consistent, and he will get the message.
2006-12-31 17:47:50 · answer #2 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every grandparent is going to spoil their grand kids in one way or another. If you don't feel safe for your dad to keep your child over night then don't let it happen. Before he does spend the night with with his/her grandpa sit down with your dad and talk to him. Make your dad understand not to use derogatory remarks and not be so rough with the little one. How old is your child? If your child is at a learning age 2 watch out. They will pick words up like crazy. You raise your child like you want to raise him/her.
2006-12-31 17:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by randy j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your kid you lay the rule, don't have it! You can't be weak and let your dad rule you forever.
2006-12-31 17:24:24 · answer #4 · answered by sandwich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if youre over 18, do what you like. sexism and stupidity ended in the 60s! he should know better.
2006-12-31 17:29:01 · answer #5 · answered by eurobuskers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's unhealthy .. get ur kid outta there
2006-12-31 17:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by Eric C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋