this is for police officers (or anyone with a heart).?

Question

360 days ago I took a life. My partner and I went on a domestic call at 11.33pm. We arived at the home "blacked out". Walking up the sidewalk an individual came running from the home with an object in his hand. I drew my weapon and three times ordered him to drop the weapon. As he closed in on me I again ordered him to drop the weapon. I shot five times, striking him twice, once in the chin and once in the chest. I am the one that silenced his life. HE WAS TWELVE, DEAF and the weapon? A HAIR BLOW DRYER. I quit the Police Dept, cry uncrollably, have turned to alcohol, my wife divorced me. I continue to have nightmares about taking a childs life and vomit when I do think about it. If there is a God, I sure wish he would come to my rescue. I would like to know if there are any other officers out there that have had the same experience and what they have done to overcome the pain.

Answer 1

i feel u i kno wat u mean.....if u need to talk just contact me...u didnt kno he was deaf...u didnt kno it was a blow dryer....u had any right to shoot..and for his foult...he didn not had to run with somethin in his hand that looked like a gun

Answer 2

You asked for anyone with a heart. That is me. I have worked in the domestic violence field. I ran a shelter for women and children that are victims of domestic violence. That being said you know that I understand the ramifications of domestic violence. A lot of people do not understand that domestic calls are the most dangerous for police officers to respond to. More police officers are wounded and killed during a domestic call than during any other type of call that they respond to. The victim often times sides with the abuser when the police respond and try to restore order and they most likely are the ones who called for help. All you saw was someone advancing upon you with what looked like a weapon. There was no way of knowing that this child was deaf. Households with deaf residents don't carry neon signs on the outside announcing to the world that its occupants are deaf. God leaves the world to run its own course. It rains on the just and unjust. We have free will and the decisions that we make are allowed to carry out. Honestly the only person that has condemned you, or at least the worst is yourself. You did the best you could with what you had at the time. Hind site is totally different. You honestly did all you could do in this situation. You were sworn to uphold and protect the citizens of the city or town in which you worked. You did that. Deep down I hope you know that. I myself do not believe that God has judged you harshly in this matter. Please from someone who cares, go seek some help. You deserve it, you are worth it. I thank you for the service that you have done to protect those under your care. Please, please take care. I care. You can always talk if you want.

Answer 3

Ask yourself this Question::; WHAT WOULD GOD DO!! I know your probably asking, " where the hell was GOD that night??.
Well Sir, I'm not a police officer or in law enforcement but I DO
have a heart! I'm not trying to add to your torment but a question does come to mind. When you ordered him to drop the WEAPON, did you know at the time it was a weapon? One thing I would remind you of, when you guys are out there, in the dark, and an uncertain situation is at hand, it's YOUR LIFE on the line
split second decisions have to be made. You ordered the boy to
disarm, you couldn't accertain whether he was a man or child, AND you had no way of knowing whether you were in danger or not. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!!!!! If you have ask GOD
to forgive you and it was an out of control situation, how the hell can you be to blame?? My Heart goes out to you and I'm going to say a Prayer just for you. One thing to remember, TIME!, heals,
If you don't give yourself a break how can you expect anyone else to? I can tell you this much, ALCOHOL DON'T SOLVE NOTHING!!!!!!!!!. Start talking to people, The pity party's OVER!!
Come back, Stand up, except what happened, know it's not your
fault but something beyond your control!!! I wish the BEST for you GOD BLESS/GOOD LUCK!!!!
One last question, where was your partner?

Answer 4

WOW!! I feel so sad for you, I'm really sorry!! I'm Not a cop and much less had an experience like that, but i can imagine that you must be going trough a really rough time right now. I'm not a very religious person but i can only advice you to get some spiritual help,PLEASE!! I don't think a shrink can help you as much as your local Priest (Pastor,Imam) what ever your choice is. I'm sure that you will find the sorrow and peace that your heart needs. It's going to take some time but you can do it. THERE IS A GOD!! and he is going to help you over come this.Unfortunately bad stuff happens every day, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time! I know this had happened to other officers, you are NOT alone!! We are Not PERFECT. I also have to say that your wife was really messed up, by leaving you when you needed her the most! This doesn't sound like an easy situation to be in, I really wish you the best, from the bottom of my heart, and I promise to pray for you and ask GOD to guide you. Humble yourself and put your life in his hands! I wish I can help you more, take good care of your self. You most be a very strong hearted person, otherwise GOD wouldn't be giving this test. He know that you can handle it, I know it sound crazy! but please bare with me. GOD BLESS YOU and give you the strength that you need to overcome that bad feeling that's in your heart.If you need to talk IM me I will be here for you! WOW!! YOU ARE REALLY A PC IN SH*T

Answer 5

I am sooooo sorry. I cannot tell you how to deal with something like this only time passed will help you. It is not going to be easy for you, however you had NO IDEA it was a 12 yr old kid, deaf, and had only a hair dryer-----so dont blame yourself for the unknown. Alcohol is NEVER the answer, it is an EXCUSE! It is obivious your wife doesn't believe in you or she would have done her best to stay with you and give you the support you need. I would not have quit the department because to me in doing so this would have said I was guilty --------------guilty???? of what???? A mistake, an HONEST but deadly mistake, but you had NO IDEA this was a kid, with a hair dryer.( ex cop here)

Answer 6

It really makes me sick, that you would attempt to portray yourself as a law enforcement officer who was involved in a critical incident that resulted in the death of a twelve year old child. I hope in my law enforcement career (4 years so far) that I will not be in the situation you have described. And for you to come off like this, insults me and every law enforcement officer on the job. Get a life!

Answer 7

I am not P.D., I am a retired fire fighter. What has happened to you is horrible. Your Police Dept. should have grief councilors to help you deal with the nightmares and guilty feelings. They are responsible for your mental as well as physical well-being. Take advantage of the services they can provide. Blessings, peace and good luck.

Answer 8

Reading some of your acquired answers and having gone back to check your previous questions I have to agree with the others. . .You need some help.
You need to find another site for your fantasies and dellusions and quit wasting people's time.

Kudo's to those who found you out and most of them aren't police officers so just go figure,you wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in Florida when it comes to lying to the police. . . .You aren't a good liar as you don't cover your tracks,course most criminals don't get the Smartest Person Award either now do they?

Answer 9

As a former Officer, I can not imagine your pain. However, you did what anyone of us would have done in the same position. You did it the way we were trained. I know this is of little comfort, but I give you all the credit in the world to be able to express this to all of us. In time I know you will better able to understand what happened and why. I will keep you in my thoughts.Please keep the faith.

Answer 10

You have such a tragic life.

Here is what you wrote a few weeks ago. These other questions of yours can be viewed by going to your Answers profile:

iam a senior in college. we had been dating since we were in the eighth grade. we were engaged and were to be married this spring. last february 12 she was making a road trip to see me with the wedding invitaions when she hit a patch of ice, lost control of her car and was hit by a semi. shes gone now, and i cry about twice a week. im lonely, my grades suck and im drinking like a sailor.....omg i miss her so much...we were inseperateable, best of friends and sole mates....how do i go on


im 12yr n dnt kno wat to do. my dad cumz hme all the time from the bar and my mom yells at him. thn they fight and my dad throws her around. i get scrd and go to my room with my little sis n bro. i tried to help my mom once n my dad hurt me. if i tel my teachr then thy will call to cops and i wont see my sistr or bother or my mom or dad. i cry al the time and just want to kno what to do

Get a real life.
You are an insult to real Police Officers.
You might check into some counseling too. Your brain is defective and malfunctioning. You are not normal. Get some help.
.

Answer 11

Bad dog, go lay down.
(hey! or post your questions in the Green Basket File)