Do you think you should not talk to a family member if it is too painful because of the way they treat you?

Question

My mom does not talk to any of her siblings because she says they still treat her like an escape goat and she says its just too painful for her.

Answer 1

Your mom needs to forgive, She will never forget but she needs to forgive them so she can move on with her life...stuff happens in life where we never want to talk to a person again but if you learn to forgive them then the pain wouldn't be there anymore.

Answer 2

Sometimes that is true, but running away and hiding from them doesn't solve the situation. I work in human services and I see too many times how people run away and avoid the situation but tend to find themselves in similar circumstances with others. This is because the problems were not resolved.

We all have been hurt, and some more than others. We need to deal with the pain and injustices in the world, and move on. I do believe that you can create a family of your own choice to have a more positive relationships. This means you can still talk and be civil.

I hope she can learn to forgive and move on. I speak from experience, believe me. Eventually her world may seems very small because she has eliminated so many from her life. I've been hurt badly, I used to follow this principle of avoiding contact, but now, I can communicate and know I did the best I can. You can change your environment, your job, your hair color and etc but you can't change your family.

Answer 3

I have not talked to my mom in almost 6 years because the way she treated me. It's an unfortunate thing, but sometimes you have to stop having contact with family members if all they do is cause you emotional pain.

Answer 4

It sounds like she should have someone she trusts with her to confront her siblings to try and air all of this out. It could be everyone has incorrect, preconceived notions of the other. The same thing happened w/ my sister and I and once we just put everything on the table, we found out we were wrong about so many things. We've been fine ever since. There's no harm in trying. What has she got to lose?

Answer 5

I think you mean a scapegoat. It depends on why these other family members are blaming your mom. Talk to your mom to find out her side of the story and if you want more info talk to the other members. Just because you are related to someone doesn't mean that they are family.

Answer 6

Of course. Family members should be held to the same standards as friends. Would you continue to hang out with a friend who constantly belittled you? No, you would end the friendship. Same rules apply to family members. Just because you share DNA doesn't mean you're stuck with their company for life.

Answer 7

your mom first needs to forgive her siblings of all the hurt they have caused her and probably will continue to cause her. she needs to let it go.

then she might try resovle some of the issues with them if possible. it may not be. they may deny doing any wrong.

if no issues are reolved with any of her siblings then, she does not need to put herself in an abusive situation. if she does come to an understanding then she could try to repair that relationship. start with emails or phonecalls or letters. no need to try and hang out or eat dinner together yet.

is there no mutual relative who can be a go between or who can keep you in the loop about your aunts and uncles? if so talk to them.

Answer 8

I think that it is fine. Sometime we are just better off not being around toxic family members. I'd rather be happy and alone than angry and hurt surrounded by "family"

Answer 9

Depending on the circumstance. It is very hard for me to talk to my dad because of the past and present..

Answer 10

I think its a valid reason.If her siblings are gonna blame her for everything than its better for her 2 stay away.