I was having lunch with 3 female coworkers and we started talking about attractive men, flirty customers, etc. Nothing too graphic. But then 1 woman started talking about how handsome this 1 guy is, yadda yadda, then adds that he is black, with a big smile on her face. I respond with added interest, "Oh, really?" One of the women who was white stands up and says "Thats disgusting. I wouldnt waste my time" then leaves.
Now, Im 38 yrs old and have heard it all. I work in a dept with all men so it gets pretty nasty, if ya know what I mean. But this comment from this woman was just so...friggin rude, derogatory, and downright sh*tty that it basically made my stomach turn. I was at a loss for words when Ive got the biggest mouth in the place. This was yesterday.
My question is, should I just let it go? Should I just realize that this woman is a closeminded rag and simply never talk to her again? What would you do?
2006-12-31 13:18:29 · 14 answers · asked by JC 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
ZINGIS: Her remark and my reply was not because of sterotyping as you have suggested, altough I see now why you may have seen that. It was because we had a convo before where we both shared our attraction to black men. The woman who got up and left was disgusted because she specifically has a hatred.
2006-12-31 15:02:43 · update #1
You simply have to live and let live. This woman is obviously not going to change her opinion, no matter how close-minded and not to mention racist it is. The world is full of people like her and you just have to learn how to deal with them.
2006-12-31 14:34:21 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is not 100% clear from your question what she said to offend you. If I am correct, you took her to mean that a white woman being attracted to a black man was disgusting. So, assuming I got it right, I would say tell her how you feel. Prejudice survives partly because it goes unconfronted by friends and family members. If she is a good friend then you two can work through it and maybe you can help her become more open-minded. If the two of you are not close, then losing her friendship or acquaintance is no big deal right? But by talking to her you will have at least challenged her racial prejudice and perhaps given her something to think about. Who knows, maybe that will be the first step for her to becoming truly accepting of people different from herself.
2006-12-31 14:49:15 · answer #2 · answered by Unorthodox 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, what's with the 'adds that he is black, with a big smile on her face' and your added interest re " Oh, really".
I guess what I'm curious about is whether this was a wink wink, nudge nudge type of sexual stereotyping of black men. If so, could the other woman have been responding to that and not to the fact that the handsome dude was black?
You were there and have probably read the other woman correctly, but if not, it can't hurt to ask why she said what she said before ostracizing her for eternity. Good Luck.
Peace
2006-12-31 13:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by zingis 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey JC,
I understand how you feel. People just can't hang and be cool. They have to be below the belt and ugly. I am surprised you didn't snatch her by her nappy hair right den, but hey you are on the job. Like everyone else with bills to pay...there is a time and place, and girl I am very proud of you for holding it in...that's way more than I can say about myself...Job or no job. Ugly gets what ugly deserves, hmmph. With that being said, keeping my cool...like you did...to answer your question...
Me Personally:
I would have to take the very next oppertunity " 'cause girl, we know there will be one." take the next oppertunity when it presents itself to "blam" her back. Let it go now, but it comes back around. Cause and effect. I would just step out of her element, look at her like she's weird, send out that vibe, and help her understand we are all pumping a beating heart with feelings inside. And it's not cool to play. She wants to play, she needs to "step it outside!" Essentially, don't talk to her anymore, Silence is Golden. Jay Z says "You get ONE!" She lost your respect that was a given...now she needs to earn it. Just ignore her...you'll be surprised at how quickly she will try to "learn what it will take to regain your respect." During that time, let her know in so many words where you are coming from.
Aight?
2006-12-31 14:39:49 · answer #4 · answered by BabyGirl~ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Keep your mouth shut and and try to talk to her as little as possible because now you know that she, as you put it so well, is a "closeminded rag".
2007-01-01 15:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by vik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
same **** got here approximately to me I felt like i replaced into analyzing something I wrote yet what ended up occurring is as quickly as I stumbled on her cheating she positioned a limit order on me some days later i found out further and extra and greater stuff. quickly adequate I broke and went right into a deep melancholy. And we had dated for 5 years My in basic terms suggestion to you is to renounce and walk away before it gets worse. I felt like i replaced into actual like I had to be together with her like she replaced into the only one that each and every thing she did i ought to forgive that i ought to restoration each and every thing yet no longer something replaced into.actual with the aid of fact i replaced into so unaware of see.the very fact you in basic terms wrote.the very fact to us to respond to and in case you could take the advice and use it with the aid of fact now i'm engaged approximately to be married happier than ever and so chuffed I discovered from all of that
2016-10-06 06:48:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let it go. I definitely wouldn't talk to her again. If she says that to a simple comment as "Oh, really?" then she was trying to start it and I don't know I just wouldn't talk to her if she criticized me for that simple comment.
2006-12-31 13:58:21 · answer #7 · answered by *=D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would not invite her to have lunch with you anymore. If she says something just flat out tell her that you did not appreciate her comment and you don't associate with bigots.
2006-12-31 13:27:20 · answer #8 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
tell her how u feel about her remark. ask her why she doesn't like black ppl and if its a dumb reason tell her how stupid her reasoning is. then tell her all the good things u know about blacks . such as black ppl inventing the stoplight and the CD scratching idea. if she still doesn't like blacks then tell her how much of a jerk she is and walk away.
2006-12-31 13:25:48 · answer #9 · answered by EMMY 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What was wrong with what she said, isn't she allowed to express an opinion too?
I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO BLACK MEN EITHER< IT DOESN"T MAKE ME RACIST, IT MAKES ME STRAIGHT
2006-12-31 13:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋