When our children are in conflict is what we do, always really the best way to handle the situation ?

Question

When conflicts occur take a step back & watch how you react. Our first impluse is to use authority, to exert control, to nip the fights in the bud. But honestly this doesn't teach children to work out their own differences, instead it teaches them to be totally dependant upon us to resolve their problems, and this dependance is taken into adulthood. Another reaction is to yell at them, "Stop Fighting!!" Rather than listening to see what their real needs are.
To sit back, in laziness is a pitfall in modern day family life. This laziness is the bored irritation that causes someone to yell without listening to attain the required information to help them solve their problems together. Rather than getting dragged into fights with our children,
stop, and mindfully listen, yes listen attentively!
It may be that some bickering gives them the chance to negotiate, and to work things out on thier own. It is o.k. to feel a little irritated.
Our children can teach us Patience & Love !!

Answer 1

What you say is true. It is easy as a parent to step in and handle the situation for our children. This is because we don't want to see our children get hurt. It is essential that we give our children some gifts that will help them through life, they are:
Learn how to handle their anger and get anger management skills, Learn how to handle conflict in a health way, teach our children good communication skills avoiding the use of the word "you" as it is a blaming word, and give them a healthy ego and self esteem.

It is best to let the children learn how to handle their own conflict rather than having us do it for them. This teaches them that mom or dad will fight their battles and never learn how to do it on their own.

Some websites are listed below to explore the anger management, conflict resolution and social skills ideas more.

Answer 2

I am not a mother but i do have 2 little brothers and 1 little sister. Most of the time i take care of them and they do fight. I do stop the fighting immidietly and make them calm themselves and ask for each version of their stories, other times ask them seperatly and sometimes they are both wrong or right. They know better to talk first. I will tell you i have very little patience and sometimes do yell at them but i try to control myself because i believe that it is better to have one crazyhead than two maybe then there will be dicipline and respect towards each other. Let them talk all they want for words can't hurt us only help us.

Answer 3

What you've said, is very logical. However, since you didn't really ask a question, Here is mine........

How do we break the pattern of being the referee? Two boys 8&9 y/o. Often physical.

Still rely on my mom to settle squabbles between my sister & i. guess its time to learn some new parenting skills!?

Answer 4

Act as a ringmaster in a boxing ring. Allow them to fight, with rules. And then sit down afterwards with each, separately! to get both sides of the story and tell each, separately! what you think they should do to resolve the disputes. People do want to learn how to solve problems. Yelling is no solutions.

Answer 5

Yeah, while little johnny is hitting suzy over the head with a toy truck, lets just sit back and let them work it out.

Answer 6

omg thank you i'm hoping pep` can examine this its exacly what happens as quickly as I combat with my lil sis !!!!!!!!!!!!!! they simply say supply up struggling with yet do they ever be attentive to what the issue isn't any!!!

Answer 7

if you ask me you're on track, just keep being thought full.and out your self in both party shes some time.

Answer 8

lol, whats ure qusetion?? lol, but your answer was very smart!!