I feel so sad..........?

Question

My Mum passed away on New Years Eve it was a shock but a happy release for her - I should feel happy that she is at peace as she suffered from dementia but I feel so down

P.S. She died yesterday nine o clock in the morning

Answer 1

i am a carer for social services in a residental home working daily with people with dementia and other illness of age....
i am sorry for you lose...there is nothing no one can say to you to make you feel no better at all or make up for a life time of love you have for you mother...

all i can say as a carer from experience... i am sure your mom is more peaceful and more at mind in heaven looking down on then she was most recently in her life.

I can also say to you we had a resident who said to me other day I hope this does not hurt if so not intended to more to help ease you pain as you know people with dementia gradually become very forgetful

One of are residents stated out the blue a very quiet person

Where is my bobby i hope he remembers me
we told he he came to see her every sunday
she stated oh i dont know but what will he think of me now
we stated he loves you very much and he will see you sunday
she said thats if i remember and said i want him to remember when i took him to felixtowe we had such a great day....she proceeded talk about this day which made her smile

all fairness she forgot again what she was saying....

but it goes to show even though dementia is a very distress illness for family it is also for the parent but as i am trying to say I think they would rather you do as the do remember all the good days.... and find peace for them now they are at easy of peace with themself.....

maybe this is to personal

I hope you can be strong...my thoughts are with you and god bless may the lord look over you and your family at times like this

Answer 2

Sadness is a terrible thing, my husband gave me this poem in the first month of us meeting as i had many emotional and personal problems and when i am feeling sad i read it. I hope it will give you some comfort.
MY LAW

The sun may be clouded, yet ever the sun
Will sweep on its course till the Cycle is run
And when into chaos the system is hurled
Again shall the builder reshape a new world

Your path may be clouded, uncertain your goal
Move on for your orbit is fixed to your soul
And though it may lead into darkness of night
The torch of the Builder shall give it more light

You were.You will be! Know this while you are
Your spirit has travelled both long and afar
It came from the source, to the source it returns
The spark that was lighted eternally burns

It slept in a jewel.It leapt in a wave
It roamed in the forest.It rose from the grave
It took on strange garbs for eons of years
And now in the soul of yourself it appears

From body to body your spirit speeds on
It seeks a new form when the old one has gone
And the form that it finds is the fabric you wrought
On the loom of the mind and the fibre of thought

As dew is drawn upwards, in rain to descend
Your thoughts drift away and in Destiny blend
You cannot escape them, for petty or great
or evil or noble, they fashion your fate

Somewhere on some planet, sometime and somehow
Your life will reflect your thoughts of your Now
My law is unerring, no blood can atone
The structure you build you will live in -alone
From cycle to cycle, through time and through space
Your lives with your longings will ever keep pace
And all that you ask for, and all you desire
Must come at your bidding, as flame out of fire

Once list to that Voice and all tumult is done
Your life is the life of the Infinate one
In the hurrying race you are conscious of pause
With love for the purpose, and love for the Cause

You are your own devil, you are your own God
you fashioned the paths your footsteps have trod
And no-one can save you from error or sin
Until you have harkened to the Spirit within

When the loom falls silent and the shuttles cease to fly
Shall god unveil the canvas and reveal the reason Why

P.S it always makes me cry .
God bless x

Answer 3

This time of year always makes us reflect on times past, good or bad, you say your mums death was a release (I believe you are right) instead of mourning her passing, try celebrating her life, or find a way to do both, she would want you to be happy, do not feel guilty about enjoying yourself, have a blast and remember your mum, she would like that. Remember the happy times, the times when she told you everything will be fine and she'll be there for you, she still is, you still talk to her don't you ?
And know that some of us feel for those who suffer at this time of year and know what you are going through.
My thoughts are with you and your mum.
Please don't be sad, you have fond memories of your mum and that is exactly what she would have wished for.

Answer 4

I have to say I know that feeling you know the one were you couldn't give a damn yep been their in fact you could say I'm their right now. It seems to me at least as i have got older that getting older isn't a good thing after all from the age of 14. I have lost my Step-dad my Great grandma Grandma Cosine and other close relations. But I Think of a Phrase that I hear at every funeral "Time Wait's for no man" And from what i can make of it, it means that life must go on!. This year I would really like to learn to fly, And it's thanks to my cosine because a few year's ago I would have ended it all as i was so depressed but even when she was ill she carried on fighting to do what she wanted and that was to be a physio therapist. My advice is although it's hard try not to put the past behind you but to let it change your future!.

Good look.
Gilly.
Oh and have a good new year!.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear about your bad news. It must be very hard for you especially at this time of year.

Your hurt and pain will go eventually but the good memories will always live on and you will be able to remember the good times.

Just rest assured that you have a lot of support and good friends around you including the Yahoo Answers users. We're all here to talk to.

Best wishes,

Martin xx

Answer 6

Sweetie ,,,, my mum died in June this year after suffering from multi-infarct dementia for two years..... in some ways it was a welcome release as she had no value of life but now and again, something springs to mind and I get all teary ..... nothing to be afraid of, just being human I suppose. Your feelings are entirely natural ...... she was your mum for a long time ..... try and remember the good bits ...... she was obviously a good mum for you so there must be memories .... treasure them like I do ..... my heart goes out to you ...

Answer 7

Frances, I totally understand how you feel. I lost my son 2 years ago suddenly on Christmas day. It hurts like hell. Still does. But I do understand about your mother also. I am a senior care giver and I have worked with people with dementia. I worked with a very sweet little lady and we lost her too and she is at peace now. I can't say that time will heal because I am still suffering. All I can say is to take one day at a time. Take care

Answer 8

Sometimes death can be a big relief when the ones that we love are suffering very badly. But, being happy about a loved ones death due to a serious condition comes only after a period of mourning first. Allow yourself to mourn the death of your mother and then begin to feel the joy that she's finally been laid to rest in peace. Believe me, if you loved your mother and you don't grieve now, you will in the later.

Answer 9

its a natural reaction to feel sad. Loss of someone close at any time of the year always has an impact around Christmas and New Year. Grief has various stages and there is no time limit, just take time out for you and talk to people about how u r feeling.
Don't feel alone

Answer 10

Frances, do you mean your mum has just died, or she died on New Year's Eve another year? I know how awful it is to lose a parent..... my father died 18 months ago, but you HAVE to move on. But it must be horrible when everyone is celebrating to have this to remember. Its natural to feel sad, but your mum is definitely at peace and it is the pattern of life...... life then death. Its not your fault. God bless.

Faith x