How do you change the way you think......so u get what u want from life?

Question

I just find that I have lost 'me' and I want to now get her back in 2007. I have lied, taken drugs, stolen, self-harmed, comfort eaten, lie to avoid displeasing my family, I always do things to please others....and last yr in 2006 I realised it was NOT making me happy. I have an nternal little voice saying 'noone will like me' and I want to change it. I am absolutely petrified of making friends close to me. I want this stop. I want to move on. I don't want to see a counsellor. I just want to know how I'm to change this negative inner talk...and start believing in me....and trusting myself that can do stuff...and not feeling I have to lie?

I am 31 and I live with my 69 yr old mum. She is really overprotective, and traditional, old fashioned. I desperately want to leave home now...I feel crap...that I can't do stuff that my white peers can do...like ...choose my own partner, manage my ownb house etc. I just get so overwhelmed...and end up feeling scared of being talked into an

arranged marriage...that I am already plotting away what elaborate lies to twell my family ...so I have some chance of gaining independence...and moving away...without marrying someone just to please the family.

So question is...on a positive note again...how do I stop going down a negative spiral...and start again...for the new year?

Answer 1

you need to build your self -esteem. there is some hope that you at least recognize that this voice is harmful and self-destructive. i know you don't want to make friends or get a counselor, because you are ashamed or feel week. but these are the people that can help you. these are the voices that will build you up. and when you feel like you're gonna fall, these are the people that can catch you.

and take a stand and don't marry anyone until you want to. running away won't help, and if you go through with it, you'll be more miserable. friends and a counselor can be supportive and encouraging when you are afraid and confused.

Answer 2

That reminds me of that film, ah, what's it called.. Pay It Forward! Very touching. Anyway, working with organisations is of course wonderful, but, just think about the people who don't have those things? Do you know the sheer amount of homeless people there are? Or old people with absolutely no one, NO ONE. Can you imagine how awful that must be? I would delve into something like that because those things pain me so so much. I don't exactly know how you would find these people [I will do some Googling, but I don't know where you live], but I don't know, even helping a homeless person get back on their feet at all? I'll have a think about this and edit if/when I come up with something. Anyway, have I ever changed a life? I'd love to say I have, but, I don't think so, at least not to my recollection. I don't think donating money counts. I did volunteer for a while at a homeless shelter though. My plans for the future however are different. Has my life been changed? Eh, yes I suppose, for the worse though. But I'm not going to write a sob story, I have no right to do so with all of the people who are suffering much more than I am. So, just take it as a yes. XD

Answer 3

You have to learn to like yourself, for yourself. This is not an easy thing to do when you are in as deep as you are. It can, however, be done. I did it myself, but it took quite a while.
If I had to do it over again; I would start with either A.A. or find a rehab that has at least a 30 day program.
You can do it. You will more than likely also need help through antidepressants. There is nothing wrong with this. The sadness you have experienced, along with the chemical abuse, dietary abuse, and mental abuse, has more than likely thrown your own chemical balance askew.
It took me way to long to realize I needed such help, but it totally changed my life. Before then, I can only compare the way I felt to "looking through the rain covered window, trying to see the world outside". Now the sun shines.
I had to learn to like myself, and believe it was ok to do so. You can do this too.
Please make the phone call to AA, or just go to a meeting. Then go from there. They are called annonymous, because that is what it is. Don't be afraid to start living your life.
God Bless you.

Answer 4

You are talking about the way I used to be except that I didn't self harm-apart from two suicide attempts that is. I also became an alcoholic in an attempt to cope with my feelings of emptiness, despair and hopelessness. This is depression you are talking about and it can be treated. I would recommend seeing your doctor and maybe a self help group-I go to a 12 step group(AA) to help keep sober(20 years without alcohol now). I went to a depressives meeting a long time ago and it helped just to be with people like myself=like in AA. Just sharing my feelings with someone else felt like a ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I can do that whenever I go to a meeting. I was terrified at going to my first meeting but people made me feel welcome and you will find the same if you decide to go. If you don't want to go to your docs then maybe a visit to any vicar or priest because anything you tell them will be confidential-and sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger. It may be a good way to start and they will only be too willing to help you. If you think I can help please email me. Take care.

Answer 5

im only 16 ive never took drugs, drank alcohol, had sex, stolen, have lied a little and work for the better of my family so i feel by answering ur question i would be quite unique.

break yourself do something completely life changing the best way is to adopt a religion and learn about everything about that religion. in religion you cant do any of the things you listed. And if you truly believe in a god you wont do these things.

Happy new year

Answer 6

Take little steps. Every time you are asked to do something, or everytime you are going to do something think 'Is this what I really want to do'. We all want to please people and be liked, but its more important to like yourself first.

You CAN grow up and find yourself again in 2007 and be the happy person you were born to be.

Instead of always thinking that you cant do things, think that you will at least try. Your mother only has power over you if you give it to her.

White or black, just be you, and take it from there. What's the worst that can happen..... someone won't like you. Well that's their problem not yours.

Be good to yourself!

Answer 7

first of all change is always hard i my self am a recovering addict I've been clean for over 1 year and yes iv done all of the same things you have i go to narcotics anonymous meetings it helps to be able to talk to people who are just like me there is hope for you the best way that Ive changed my negative to positive is by doing self talk in the mirror telling myself three times a day that iam a valuable woman i deserve to be happy thing on that line i know that it hard but believe me my live before was allot worse then it is now you need to find a higher power then your self that will help you to change my addiction took me to prison for 31\2 years i lost my children and all respect from my family but i have gained it all back in the past 1 year i have my children back i have respect back and my family has forgI'ven me for the thinks i did in the past most important is that ive forgiven my self i have a man who really loves me for me and my live today is great you have to stop living in the past if you don't it will haunt you for the rest of you life start to love you and listen to your heart it will never lie to you

Answer 8

You really DO have to start with yourself. If you have people in your life that are trying to control what you do, then it certainly is easy to "lose yourself". That happens a lot when you are living your life to please others. If living at home makes you feel like you have no choices, etc. and you always feel like you have to please your family, then you will somehow feel like a failure if they don't like what you do. That is damaging to self-esteem for sure. I have no doubt that you are perfectly capable of making decisions for yourself, but you have too many other people that WANT TO and DO make decisions for you. Sometimes people have to separate themselves from those that push them down... just to get some clarity. If you are looking to break away, then that's what you need to do. If you can afford it, then move out, live on your own. Liberate yourself! It will be well worth it to get your life back.

Answer 9

only you and YOU alone can help yourself. yes, people around you are willing to help, but still the decision is yours.
head for the brighter side of life, be positive, have a will to live without the "bad stuff" in you. you can stand in your own two feet. be brave.
"IF THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY"

Answer 10

you need to move out of your mother's and face the world. You can get support in relation to your cultural issues from various websites on the net. also women's aid can assist in supporting you and they have a website or telephone line so you won't have to have face to face contact with anyone.

Good Luck in your journey