Is it wrong that we have 4 kids and still would love to have more?

Question

my mom and my sister plus most of the rest of my family keep telling me I need to get fixed after I give birth to #4. that has always been the plan for me and my hubby from when we first desided to start having kids was to have 4 and then stop, but now with everyone nagging us like we dont know why we keep getting pregnant we think we want more.
is this wrong? (we really have always wanted more we had just decided 4 was the most managable number)

oh we do plan to adopt needy children
(we have a program in our area where you can adopt older/ill children)(children who most people dont want cause most people want healthy newborns)
but we plan to wait untill our own children are a bit older.

Answer 1

Who cares what everyone else thinks? THEY aren't the ones who are going to birth these children. THEY aren't the ones that are going to raise them either.

The only opinions that matter are the ones of you, your husband, and your existing children. If you all want more children, more power to ya! I'm not so sure I'd want more than 4, but some people are just made to have kids.

If you truly want more, go for it :-)

Answer 2

Mom and Sis et al need to butt out after you assert with happy confidence that you and hubby have thoroughly discussed it with each other and that you are confident that you are capable of raising children who will be assets to society. Perhaps you are gifted in parenting.

Okay, have you had this down and dirty discussion? You seem to be sure that you're doing a fine job with 1-3 and soon 4, emotionally and financially. Do you have an emergency plan if one of/or the only wage earner can no longer do so? Horrible thought, but possible. Do you and your husband have a family dynamic that includes extended family members who visit frequently (like they're part of the family!) so that the kids feel comfortable with more that just you two adults?

Is your household set up in a "we help each other model and cheer for each others successes" rather than competitive?

There's nothing wrong with wanting a large family if you are a gifted parent. Be as sure as you can be about these things, that you're up to the challenge. So you're not "politically correct" for the times. Neither are alot of the women who choose not to have children at all, when their mothers long for a grandbaby to cuddle. You can't win so suit yourself.

Answer 3

It isn't wrong to want more kids. If you have the love, talent at parenting, and financial resources, having a large family is great.

That said, it would be much more socially responsible to adopt future additions to the family.

The reason we have global warming and pollution and diminishing resources is there are already too many people on this planet. We can conserve and cut back and do all kinds of things to try to reduce our impact on the earth, but what we need to cut back most is population growth. There is no way this many people can live here and not have a major negative impact.

Answer 4

This is really a very personal decision between you and your partner, but since you asked for input....

Is each child treated as an individual with individual needs and gifts? If you live in Canada or the USA, this is an important consideration.... will each child have enough undivided, "quality" time with each parent? In Canada that would seem to be in the line of 3 hours per week per child per parent as the child gets older... somebody work out the math. Do you have that time available? One of the most common criticisms of adults who grew up with siblings is that they didn't get enough time with their parents, and didn't get to 'know' their fathers... that their mothers were always 'tired'.

Cast your mind ahead in time and try to imagine what each of your current children will have to say about growing up in a home with several siblings.... be really honest and empathic.

Years ago I remember a Prof. asking "Why?" would any of us want to have another baby. It was rather unsettling, but did make one think very hard and long about what the real reasons would be... if it is only to "have another kid to love (me)" you have to take a serious look at what is being served by a further pregnancy.

But, as I said to start out.... it's a very personal question and I cringe to think of some of the horrible answers you will get from the less noble members of this community.... God bless!

Answer 5

I personally think that only you and your husband have the right to decide how many children you guys want to have and no offence to your family but they need to butt out and mind their own business.If you don't depend on your family members to babysit, pay you bills, and feed or dress your children then you do whatever you want honey, just keep it in mind that it is very hard and it is a lot of money to raise a child and to help them go true school, college and university. Good Luck to you, your husband and babies.
Happy New Year!!!

Answer 6

As long as you have the time, financial situation, and emotional energy to care for more children, your decision is just fine. This is a personal matter between your husband and yourself. As long as you can meet the needs of all of your children and don't require your family's help, your family and friends should butt out. If you have thought this through and are certain about it, go right ahead. You don't need anyone's blessing. If you still aren't 100% sure, don't run and get "fixed" just yet. You may regret it later.

Answer 7

The size of your family is your business. When you are being bullied by your family members, just smile and nod. You'll knew what's right for you. Good luck!

PS. I am # 5 of 10! I wouldn't be alive if my parents stopped at 4.

Answer 8

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting more, but I don't think it is in the best interest of the four that you already have for you to have more. You obviously love the children you have but to give your children the best attention and care that you can, you need to set a limit. God bless you and your beloved family.

Answer 9

How horrible. How dare they tell you what you should do. Don't let them influence your decision. Every child is a miraculous gift from God. Maybe they are jealous that you can cope with more children than them. If they tell you again ask them why, consider their argument, then make up your own mind. If they persist tell them that your are not stupid and will make up your own mind, and you would appreciate it if they stop nagging you about it. Happy new Year!

Answer 10

no, it isn't wrong. some people can handle a lot of kids, some can't, and some should never have any! unfortunately it's some of those who should never have any that have a whole bunch, and the kids suffer, and some people who would take good care of children never get to have any. if you and hubby can handle a whole litter and do right by them, then go for it!