If you have a funny joke?

Question

tell it too me
and the funniest one gets 10 points

ok before you post your answer
please ANSWER

OMG THESe ARE SO FLIPPEN FUNNY

Answer 1

Two cows in a field one turns to the other and says "moo" they other turns and says "you fcuker I was gonna say that"

two ghosts at the dinner table one asks the other"can you pass the salt please"
the other replys "who the fcuk said that"

how do you make a hormone?
Wipe yer d1ck on her curtains

what do you tell yer wife when she has two black eyes?
Nothing you've told her twice allready

George Bush throw a press conference to announce his disgust at three brazilian journalists killed in iraq he pledges Americas intent on "bloody revenge" when the conference ends his aid says to him "that was a bit strong Mr President" george bush replys "I know but excactly how many is a brazillian"

Supermarket

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere!!!

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!
The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'



A man takes his father to the doctor.

At the office, the doctor tells the old man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have lung cancer. You'll be dead in a year."

On the way home, the old man turns to his grief-stricken son and says, "Quit all that cryin'! I'm not depressed. I've lived 75 great years. How 'bout you and me go to my favorite bar and have a couple beers with my friends?"

So while the guys are having their beers, the old man breaks the news to his friends. "Fellas," he says, "I'll be dead in a year 'cause I got AIDS."

On the way home, his son asks, "Dad, why did you lie to your friends?"

His dad replies, "'Cause when I die, I don't want them trying to **** your mother!"

Answer 2

Stay away from CashCreate, Treasure Trooper and other survey Web sites.

It is a waste of time and will cause you unhappiness.

If you choose to be suckered in and sign up to take surveys and receive, free trials considered you were warned. The minute you give them your credit card and personal information you have now opened your computer to unwanted cookies on your hard drive, annoying pop-up windows and if you are on a PC you open your computer to viruses that can wipe you out.

A lot of work to collect the "reward payments" that payout is not worth the effort over time. You will need to sign up for many types of offers, most of which require you to use a credit card. You start a week trial service with varies types of businesses or services, such as, an Internet service provider, book club, credit monitoring service, etc. to get your reward. If you don't cancel the trial, you end up being charged for the service and each service has different rules about how and when you can cancel. Very cumbersome!

Since you will need to sign up for at least a dozen offers before you get to $100 in rewards, it's very easy to forget what you have signed up for, or the problems you will have canceling in time to to be charged the full amount. The Cash Create recruiters you see here over exaggerate how much money you can earn because once you've done the high-dollar trials ($8-10 each), you are left with small rewards of a dollar or two. The survey business is not an efficient way to make money and you are more than likely to loose money in the end.

Answer 3

Why is it a bad idea to play UNO with mexicans? Because they will always steal your green-cards. A Mexican and a Blackman are in a car. Who's driving? A cop What's the difference between a blackman and a bench? A bench can support a family of four Why dosn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everyone that can run, jump and swim is already here.

Answer 4

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."

Answer 5

A guy is having a costume party and everyone has to come as an emotion. First a girl shows up painted all green. The host asks, "What are you supposed to be?" She answeres, "I'm Envy!"
Next, another girl shows up painted all red with little devil horns on. He asks, "What are you dressed as?" She says, "I'm Naughty!"
Then a guy shows up totally naked, with a hollowed out pear on the end of his ding-a-ling. He's asked, "Who are you supposed to be?" He answers, "I'm fcuking despair."

Answer 6

Three guys died and went to heaven. They were met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who told them before he could let them ito heaven they had to show him something that reminded them of Christmas.
The first guy pulls out a lighter and clicks it on and explains that it reminds him of the candles that people light in their windows. St. Peter allows him to enter heaven
The second guy pulls out his car keys and shakes them as he explains that it reminds him of the tollin of bells. St. Peter allows him to enter heaven.
The third guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a red pair of skimpy underwear. St. Peter looked astonished and asked what does that resemble?
The man replied--Well their/they're carols

Answer 7

a father and and a son canabiol were walking along the beach,when they spotted a dead man.they went and picked him up.they decided to eat him.the father got the heead and down,the son the feet and up.a few minutes later, the father looked up and said to the son,"how r u doin?" the son replied," havin a ball!!"





lolz, if u dont get it ur gay.

Answer 8

This is one of my favorites, but probably not the funniest you've ever heard.

A couple cows are chewing their cud and one says, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yep. Sure glad I'm a penguin."

Answer 9

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-*******-believable!"

Answer 10

So this cannibal is eating a clown and he spits it out. Apparently it tasted funny.