what should i do?

Question

ok. i just recently told my b.f., or fiancee i should say, that i think i might be bi. he said he was ok with it but now i dont think so nemore. he has this fear that im going to leave him for someone else, cuz its happened to him before. now hes 26 and im 18 and hes the first and obviously last person ive ever had sex with. now hes not the typical guy who would want to have a threesome, and i wouldnt want to have one either for that matter. hes telling me that i dont kno wut i want and that im playing childish games. im really not though. this is something that ive thought about way long before he and i got together. my friend whos bi says that if i think im bi than im bi. but since i dont want to hurt my b.f. i will prolly never kno for sure. i just dont kno wut to do nemore. i could really use some advice. and by the way hes on deployment at the moment and wont be back until next october.

Answer 1

Okay, first of all, you're 18. You are just finding out who you are. To throw away everything for this guy that is so insecure he is afraid of you discovering who you are is utterly stupid. You have lots of time ahead of you and if he really loves you he would want you to discover who you are. Until you find out who you are by yourself, you can't be a "couple" with anyone else. In the long run you'll just doom the relationship to failure. You'll wake-up one morning at around 30 years of age and say "wow, I need to go find myself because I don't have my own identity", and he'll lose you anyway.

Truly loving someone is not being afraid of who they are. According to Buddhism there are four elements of true love. Pay special attention to numbers 1 and 4.

1. Loving-kindness. Loving-kindness is not only the desire to make someone happy, to bring joy to a beloved person, it is the ability to bring joy and happiness to the person you love, because even if your intention is to love this person, your love might make him or her suffer. To be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice deep looking toward the person you love. Because if you do not understand this person, you cannot love properly.

2. Compassion. This is not only the desire to ease the pain of another person, but the ability to do so. You must practice deep looking in order to gain a good understanding of the nature of the suffering of this person, in order to be able to help him or her to change.

3. Joy. If there is no joy in love, it is not true love. If you are suffering all the time, if you cry all the time, and if you make the person you love cry, this is not really love--it is even the opposite. If there is no joy in your love, you can be sure that it is not true love.

4. Freedom. In true love, you attain freedom. When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love. If the opposite is true, it is not true love. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free, not only outside but also inside. “Dear one, do you have enough space in your heart and all around you?” This is an intelligent question for testing whether your love is something real.

In short, the fear of letting someone have the freedom to be themselves because you are afraid they may leave you, is jealousy - and in jealousy there is more self-love than love.

I hope that all makes sense.

Answer 2

What you should do is take a break with him for now, until you figure out everything. If he really loves you, he would be understanding and oblige to the break.

So, since you think you are bi, you should experiment. You won't surely know, unless you try. You should go out with your girlfriends and meet new people. Possibly, gain feelings for someone the same sex as you and start a relationship. From there, you will know if you are truly bi. This will also show who you would rather be -- your current boyfriend, or another.

When you've completely figured things out, talk to your boyfriend immediately when he comes back from being deployed. Serious talks are always better in person.

If you really want to stay with him, you don't have to make any of these actions. Just continue to be true to him. Talk to him and make sure he knows that you are only his, and nobody else's.

I hope this helps!
- mmmfilipino

Answer 3

There is no such thing as saying, "I think that I might be bi". You are either or neither. If you were engaged and then kept it from him, but suddenly you had to tell him, I think that was wrong to ever keep a secret from him. I think he should not marry you because it sounds like you both are confused. Or you could use some counseling before even getting married....marriage is not some kind of game to play, it is a committment. It is also two people being "in love" with "eachother" not with another. It is also a marriage to "trust" one another, not use another for sex.

It is obvious, that you two don't know what marriage is. So that says that both of you are not serious to get married, period. Becuase you already hurt him and will probably hurt him again when married.

That is my opinion. Or, just move on so no-one will be hurt. But, do get some counseling with yourself, you are just 18 and might be a little too young to marry.

Oh, thank the soldier for fighting for our country for our Freedom! Thanks.

Answer 4

If you were happy with your boyfriend and agreed to marry him, why would you tell him you might be bi. It sounds like your not sure if he is the one for you and do not want to be married otherwise, why would you even entertain this thought. Put yourself in his shoes, ( yes honey I love you but I think I might be gay is that okay), what would you think and how would you react.
If you want to play the field (whatever side your on) go and play all you want but don't play with someone's feelings and string them along (this is the childish game your playing). Break off the relationship and play but don't expect him to stick around while you find yourself .
Above all don't get married any time soon, at eighteen your just starting to find yourself and with a new playing field to boot, your not ready. To get married now without dealing with this issue will eventually end in divorce, don't play, be mature and deal with it .

Answer 5

If you have any doubts whatsoever you should postpone your wedding. I don't think this is a question of sexuality but one of maturity. It sounds like you need to take some time to figure out who you really are. Hurting your boyfriend now would be a lot better then having doubts eat away at you and your relationship to only to have it end anyway.

Answer 6

Whether you're bi or not isn't the issue! Being bi just means that you're attracted to both sexes. That has nothing to do with whether or not you're faithful! You can think girls are hot without having to have sex with them while you're in a committed relationship. Assure you're fiance that just because you're attracted to the same sex doesn't mean that you'll be unfaithful. After all, you obviously are attracted to guys does he think that means that you're going to cheat on him with a guy?

Answer 7

You are too young to be having to deal with this. He is 26 and knows better than to do this to you.

Answer 8

a guy that thinks girl on girl is bad?
Is he afraid of not being able to contend with a girl?
Weird either way
proceed with caution

Answer 9

Well, Go try it out! Won't know unless you try. If afterward, it just wasn't for you..........Life goes on. If it bothers him that much, probably wouldn't work out anyways right?
Good Luck

Answer 10

well ..you are young and he is not your husband you do not have to choose what life style you want to live. You are to young for that. Go out and have fun.