Would you date someone with a borderline personality disorder? and Why?

Answer 1

Absolutely not. You are asking for grief if you do. Don't EVER voluntarily enter into a relationship with someone who is telling you they are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I hope you will take my word for it and not feel compelled to see for yourself.

Answer 2

No...but only because I'm bipolar and have panic attacks. I need a steady hand in my life and thankfully I have a wonderful man who takes care of me when I need it. However if you want some encouraging information, I'm not a very mentally healthy person at all but I have a wonderful family. My fiance even knew me before during and now after the search for a decent medication to stabilize me. There are saints out there who will love people who aren't exactly whole enough to ignore their flaws. And I thank the heavens almost everyday that there are. Just keep looking you'll find your Mr. Right just like anyone else...and you have a secret weapon! You can weed out the losers all the faster because why would anyone want to date a person who held people's health problems against them.

EDIT: Ok I read all the answers and I'm going to send you eHugs. You aren't an awful person just because you have a mental illness. There are tons of wonderful people with BPD and other mental illnesses as well. These people don't have the right to assume just because someone they knew was out of control and abusive that you are too. No one has that right. From one "loony" to another you're not a bad person just because of a diagnosis.

Answer 3

From the personal experience of being with a woman for the last 8 years that has been diagnosed with it...i would NOT recommend it. Medication and therapy will only do so much, it is up to the person to want to get better. You have to have a very big heart and lots and lots of patience to deal with someone like that, but it drains you emotionally when the bad days start outnumbering the good ones. And no matter what you do, it is never good enough. One therapist described it to me like this, a person with that disorder is their own worst enemy, and a commitment to therapy is the only hope.

Answer 4

Absolutely not. BPD is a very very *severe* problem. People tend to match up with partners that have their same level of mental health, or mental health issues.

Plus, it would almost definitely be considered extremely unethical for someone doing psychotherapy to date someone with borderline.

Answer 5

NO!!!!!! People hear "Borderline" and think it means they are on the border of having a problem. After living with one for years, and talking to a number of psychologists, I learned that it means they're on the border of being psychotic. The diagnosis is often given out too easily to people who are just suffering from depression or are bi polar, but a true borderline can make your life a living hell. Medication and a serious committment to therapy make a HUGE difference, but it's a lifetime committment.

I had a roommate for 5 years with BPD and my life was in shambles after I finally got her moved out. That was just a roommate/friend, cannot imagine becoming involved with one.

They are manipulators and the world is either their best friend, or worst enemy, and this can change at the drop of a hat. My roommate might wake up thinking I was the greatest person in the world, then become enraged that I left my laundry on *my* washing machine* and hate my guts, then by noon I was her favorite person again. She worked hard to alienate all of my friends so that she would be my ONLY friend, and then told anyone who would listen how I'd never survive on my own if she were not there to pay all the bills, take care of things, etc. (she never paid bill one unless I forced her to) The worst part is, only those closest to them will see their ugly side. The rest of the world will see the side they want them to, and your BP friend will make sure that everyone thinks YOU are the crazy one if you ever dare to come forward about their behavior. The more they feel like you are dependant on them, the better they like it. Nothing is ever their fault, it's always someone else's, usually your's. Once you stop making them feel important, they lose all use for you, and since they either love you or hate you, they'll quickly work hard to destroy your life once they lose interest in you. It's been 3 years since my roommate left and I am STILL cleaning up the mess she created for me in her wake, including her calling the IRS to claim I hadn't paid my taxes in years, which was bull but still earned me an audit!!!

I had to go to therapy after she finally left, and my therapist told me that a lot of psychiatrists cringe to deal with a borderline because they require years of therapy and since they lie constantly in order to make themselves look good to whoever they are talking to, treatment is poor. Plus many of them have other issues... my roommate was a borderline with a narcissistic and paranoid issues. She pulled a gun on a FRIEND OF OURS once for going into the pasture without first knocking at the house and asking permission. I had to take it from her by force.

Run, run far away. You will think they are great people, but it's just a facade. Once you're sucked in, they'll start to show you just how ill they really are.

Answer 6

Do you have it or someone you know?

It is very hard to deal with. Everything I have read cautioning against it is not only wise, but unfortunately experienced. If you're considering dating someone, remember some things.

First, the "one" you fall for isn't really them. It's the manifestation of their ideal self. This is critical in understanding what is going on because it is this very "ideal" self that will make or break the relationship, and you possibly as well. They only see things in black and white terms, all good or all bad, including themselves. AND you (so be ready for that, I got bitched out b/c my gf erased all her funny messages in her inbox after I sent her an email, then about two minutes later she was just absolutely berating herself for being so dumb). The issue becomes if a problem becomes apparent, whether you point it out or they do, whether it's legitimate or completely irrational, BAM! the switch is thrown. If they are an extrovert, you will just be dismantled at your core. If they are an introvert, they will take the problem and blame themselves for everything wrong with the world. If they yell, you can't debate because the argument is circular or downright irrational. Like w/ the gf [what I think she was thinking]: "You must hate me b/c you sent me an email [she had texted me, asked a question, told her the response would be too long via text but I'd send her an email] and when I went to look at it, I did something I really regret" [not even sure she really did erase her stuff, honestly]. Just breaking off her communication [text] sent her into a fit. Next day she called me like nothing had happened. Hell, she was in a great mood even.

Secondly, going back to this ideal self, this image they hold for themselves is by nature contradictory to them recieving treatment. If they are "perfect", why would they need treatment? If they are "worthless", why should they bother? There is NO in-between.

Lastly, in an attempt to explain what I see, it's like there is only one emotion ever present w/in them. And when they "love" you, WOW! you're so lost you forget your mommas name! But there is always balance in the world, everything evens out, so with those incredible highs come plummeting lows. They come from no where often, and if you take them personally, you will ruin yourself and they will wonder why you are so sensitive.

I have two quick analogies for you.

Dating my gf is like being in a hurricane, never ending but barely moving. When I am in the eye, everything is so calm and tranquil, it's easy to forget what waits just outside those walls. But if I move at all contrary to her, or if she moves suddenly, I am swept out into the most incredible storm with no where to hide.

I have also heard it said that BP are adults whose emotions stopped developing in childhood (and unfortunately, something awful often stumpped that development, which is why therapy CAN help, but it takes a LONG time to develop emotions that are years or decades behind where they could/should be. As such, it is often like dealing with an unruly child. They are never satisfied. If they get what they want, they have learned that bad behavior works. If they don't get what they want, they pout or throw a tantrum, only the words they use and the emotional targets they aim for are very deep.

My advice (if you couldn't tell and actually read this far) is don't do it unless you are sure you don't need a relationship to feel like a valuable and loving person. You won't find it. Don't do it if you have any deep seeded insecurities (and, I hate to say it, if a BP is interested in you, I bet a million to one you have or did have self-esteem and self-image problems) because they find them and use them. In the worst possible ways at times. I was always afraid of being alone, so my gf plays on that, cancels plans last minute, won't do little things like sit at home and watch a movie, etc.

The only reward is self-discovery, and it is there. You will find strength within yourself you never knew possible, let alone existed within yourself. But it is a struggle EVERY DAY. Every single day you have to be alert and conscientious. There aren't magic nights that carry into magic mornings. The fun time last night was only a feeling and today, who knows how they're feeling? Just be careful, and seriously consider things if you're contemplating doing this. It won't be easy for either of you. But, in my case, I also believe that no one will be able to better understand the REAL her (the one in between the perfect and the worthless) as I do now b/c no onw would wait through this much BS. If you do go for it, enjoy the great times but remember them for what they will be; the calm before the storm. I would even reccommend a counselor for yourself. You'll almost certainly need it. Good luck, whichever way you go.

I should also say, that if it IS you with BPD, I have seen the struggle in my gf but I can't really empathize because I've never been there. But I do give you a lot of credit for asking. And I have learned A LOT about myself from dating my gf. It defies every expectation I ever have had of a relationship but I will be with her until she tells ME to leave.

Answer 7

If you care I think so, Would you date a Person with Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

Answer 8

yes but only if the person had sought treatment and was willing to return to treatment when required.

oh and for the record lots of people with bpd are not actually on medication.... they use other treatments...

Answer 9

I'll consider dating anyone who's more stable than myself. So if it's just borderline, then yes.

Answer 10

No. My last relationship was with someone on medication and when we broke up he stopped taking it. He threatened my life, my home, killed one of my dogs and spent months in jail. I hadn't known he was on meds and forever more I will be one of those medicine cabinet snoopers with anyone I date.