After all this time, the one thing that really keeps nagging me is WHY did he break up with me and then spend MONTHS trying to get back in touch with me and convince me to see him -- only to decide he was "not into it"? Why didn't he leave me alone after he broke my heart the first time? Is he just malicious or is he dumb?
2006-12-31 08:34:00 · 8 answers · asked by lola 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Actually, Emma, he was neither malicious nor dumb.
See, a lot of people are torn between security and freedom. When you're in a relationship, even if the other person isn't that great, there's the security that you've got _someone_.
But when you're single, even though you have your pick of billions of potentially great mates... it can get lonely, especially when you're not used to having to run game, and just want some quiet time with someone familiar.
That's why a lot of exes turn into bang buddies... familiarity without monogamy.
Then there's the issue of idealization -- months later, I forget why she wasn't that great, and I mostly just remember the good times. Your ex was probably the same way.
Intelligence has nothing to do with it either. The most intelligent lonely person is still lonely, and the most intelligent needy person is still needy. Emotions almost always trump reason.
I hope that helps, even though it probably doesn't.
2006-12-31 08:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by wood_vulture 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Malicious.
I'll bet he just wanted to get show you that you need him more then he needed you. By nagging you into see him one more time, he could prove to himself that you NEEDED him and that he DIDN'T need you.
If he ever calls again, he will, his ego won't let you go, either don't answer or tell him not to call again. Tell him you've moved on and that you found someone else (don't tell him that if he gets violent).
The guy a jerk, you're better off without him.
2006-12-31 16:56:46 · answer #2 · answered by Richard 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plain and simple, he's bad news! Definitely malicious and playing games with you!
Stay as far away from him as you can!
Keep your chin up, and best wishes for you to find someone better in the new year!
2006-12-31 16:37:19 · answer #3 · answered by kristin c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and he needed to feed his ego into seeing that someone still loves him...probably got dumped by someone else...and came back like a dog to make himself feel good...you should get a really sweet boy friend, and then invite the guy over for dinner, and then tell him, "Oh by the way, I wanted you to meet my new boyfriend LOL" jk, that would put you in his catagory...and you ain't like that...he is dumb...I would say, and mean...and thoughtless....oh well, nobody's perfect lol
2006-12-31 17:14:25 · answer #4 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because many 'boy's thrive on boosting their ego when they know someone wants them.
You need to just move on and stop dwelling on it. Dwelling solves nothing and causes more problems. You'll only beat yourself up over someone who isn't worth it. You need not waste your time on someone who is immature. You be the better person. There is no longer a need to deal with him. If he calls, tell him you are busy, thanks for calling, then hang up. If he visits, say you are busy, thanks for stopping by, then close the door. Be cordial but be firm. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your reactions based on his.
2006-12-31 16:41:54 · answer #5 · answered by S H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
definitely not for you....it's called the "I love you go away " syndrome....usually shows up in insecure fearful ones who cannot commit.
2006-12-31 16:44:10 · answer #6 · answered by sue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wood_vult.... just hit one out of the park. Wow. Great response. Very helpful for some of my own circumstances. Thanks.
2006-12-31 16:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both, and cruel too.
2006-12-31 16:42:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋