my friend won't stop cutting herself. i'm scared of telling her mom b/caz her mom is like a little crazy. if i tell my mom i can't be friends with her. Can anyone help?
2006-12-31 07:54:07 · 17 answers · asked by Yemiko 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I cut myself between the ages of 12-18 and knew/know many cutters. She is cutting herself because it is a way to take her mind off her emotional pain or to distract herself from a state of emotional numbness. It is also an indicator of abuse wether it be mental or physical.
Cutters are not normally suicidal so you don't have to rush this. Also, women are less likely to kill themselves and more likely to do something like cutting. So don't freak out it's going to be ok.
You need to talk to her and make sure you have her trust. Even if you have to lie to her. Say yes that you won't tell anyone. This is important because it will allow you to access how bad this is. By gaining her trust you can start asking her important questions. How much does she cut? How often? Wear? With what? And how deep? This will help you determine if you should seek aditional help right away or try to work through this with her. If she isn't cutting a lot or very deep then you may be able to get her to stop doing this through your friendship. Going to her her mother or an outside sorce will make her feel betrayed and alienated which can worsen the situation but if it is serious you'll have to do this. If she is cutting over arteries (wrists, neck, ankles etc) then try to get her to cut somewhere else (forearm, upper thigh, upper arm etc). Ask her if she is cutting to escape mental pain or if she is trying to kill herself. If she is trying to kill herself go to your school advisor ASAP. If she tells you this in a text message, IM or email bring that with you as proof so the advisor doesn't ignore the problem. Again, if it is serious and dangerous cutting don't be afraid to inform the athorities or her mother. She may hate you for awhile but you could be saving her life.
Now, if she is cutting and it's not deep and its like every other week or month it's not that serious. You don't have to put your friendship in danger by running to her mother etc right away. Be there for her. Remember this: make sure you let her know that the cutting is a bad thing but that SHE is not a bad person for doing it. She's a good person with a bad way of coping with things but it can stop and she can change it. Tell her to call you whenever she feels like she needs to cut herself, or text you or chat with you on AIM etc. Be availble for her so she can talk about her emotions with you instead of cutting. Tell her to try writing poetry when she is upset or write about it or to draw her emotions or go for a run or go out with you or play video games etc etc etc. Try to get her to do something less dangerous to replace the cutting.
It wasn't my mom (who knew) or therapy or my school advisor etc who got me to stop cutting. It was good friends who made me feel loved and who helped me deal with my emotions in a more positive way. You can do this for her no matter how badly she cuts herself.
Ultimately though no matter what you or authorites do, it is up to her to stop cutting. Forcing her can cause her to do it more so be gentle. If she won't listen right away or stop right away focus on getting her to cut in safe places and instead of cutting really deep a few times cutting lightly many times. This can avoid muscle damage, ligament damage and even scaring while still providing her with what she gets out of cutting. Make sure she uses something that is steralized. It's easy, she just needs to run the blade through a flame or use alchohaul. Make sure she takes care of her cuts too and try to get her to not pick them which can lead to infection. Don't let her cut self with dirty things like a broken bottle found in the street etc (yeah known people who have).
If you're going to help her deal with this be ready. You can't do this half assed and you have to be there for her from start to finish otherwise she could feel abandoned or rejected by you and that could actually reverse any progress you made with her. If you can't be there for her then tell her mom, tell the school advisor and step away.
2006-12-31 10:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by Shelley 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I use to do this also and it is soo hard to make somebody understand that this is a way for a person to deal with something else going on in there life- mine was a molestation by a family member I don't have any degrees in counseling or nothing but I helped a friend daughter who use to do this just by being there for her to talk to or IM with or whatever she needed, and Thank God she quit cutting herself like one year ago ! She also saw a pyscolist and was put on anti depression drugs.If you can't tell your friends mom maybe a trusted teacher or a counselor from your school could help. Other wise just be there for her and see if maybe something else is going on in her life that she is trying to deal with by cutting herself. Good Luck sweety and may God be w/ both of you!
2006-12-31 08:02:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't told your mom yet how do you know she will try to stop you from seeing this girl? You need to alert someone even if it's a teacher, or your Dr. , but get advise from an adult you trust. Talk with your friend and ask her why she does this to herself, maybe she just wants attention. Good Luck
http://www.focusas.com/Hotlines.html
this is a list of 800 # to call for all types of help.
2006-12-31 08:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by whateverhohum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cutting is really common behavior. It does not mean your friend is suicidal, just that she is struggling to deal with emotional pain. It is very likely she will stop when she is a bit older. If she doesn't stop, she will almost certainly seek help herself.
Just be her friend and make her life happier. If she can talk to you about her problems, she won't need to cut herself so much.
Good luck.
2006-12-31 09:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by ags3y7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs help. I'm stating the obvious but, she needs to talk to her doctor. Something is wrong and maybe because of her mother.
Why not tell your mother? Would she really keep you from helping your friend? Maybe your mother can advise you or her.
If nothing else, try the link below. I pasted it from the web site but if it doesn't work, just type in www.emotional.healthcentersonline.com. Cutting is is at the top of one of the lists in blue. This site will give you loads of info. It will all come down to her seeking help. Good Luck. I'll keep you both in my thoughts.
2006-12-31 08:10:16 · answer #5 · answered by Emma J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you've got to realize that you CAN'T make anyone do anything. She has to stop on her own. You can help her though.
Horse ranchers have a philosophy that applies to trying to help a friend in need. If the horse falls down try to lift up the back end. If he lifts his front legs on his own and tries to stand keep helping him. If he just lies there let him be. You're wasting your time if he won't help himself. It's up to the individual to help themselves. Be there for your friend and help as much as you can, but realize there is only so much you can do. You're a good friend. You can't save everyone or anyone for that matter. Just keep on being the best friend you know how to be and things will turn out as they will.
2006-12-31 10:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by Big R 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a school counselor or psychologist. They will be able to make a deicsion about how to proceed and will preserve your friend's privacy as necessary. This is a serious mental health issue that needs to be addressed by a professional.
2006-12-31 08:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by baldisbeautiful 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to have a serious talk with her. if she doesn't want to talk, then you talk and MAKE her listen! even if she won't admit it, she needs your help. you could also try telling someone. if she doesn't stop-heck,i'll come over tehre and take away all the sharp stuff in her house! it takes a lot of effort to stop though, coming from the friend of a cutter. and she WILL need you to lean on
2006-12-31 08:08:08 · answer #8 · answered by daniele™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if shes to the point where she can't stop doing it, then you should tell her..everybody that you can think of loves her, and its not worth cutting yourself and then having to deal with the scars for your whole life. if she needs someone to talk to that will understand where she is coming from, then she could talk to me..i was a cutter, but not anymore and i know how hard it is to stop, and listen to other people.
2006-12-31 08:15:04 · answer #9 · answered by tuxedokitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't stop her. You can't. Leave her be, and if it looks like she is actually endangering herself, phone the hospital, and forget that you can't be friends with her, because her life is more important than that. Confronting her about it will only make her mad.
2006-12-31 08:01:51 · answer #10 · answered by * 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋