how do I make myself bond? how can I make myself feel something that I just don't?
2006-12-31 07:49:25 · 15 answers · asked by r g 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
TRY COUNSELING, WHEN THE BABY IS BORN, YOU WILL BOND, ONCE YOU SEE THAT LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY.
2006-12-31 07:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by tinkerbell 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean about 100% on paternity? You're not sure you're the father? I can see where you'd be reluctant to bond in such a case.
Do you mean you're just not 100% in favor of BEING a dad? The secret is that a scary thing, and I think most dads have those fears. Some of us just hide them well. You're starting off with some good instincts, though. You want to bond and you're acknowledging fear. You realize this is a big thing.
When my son was still on the way, there was a point where we referred to him as Rice Grain. The book said that he was the size of a grain of rice at that point.
When we found out that he was a boy, we referred to him by name months before he made his debut.
I think that helped us sort of prepare mentally for the whole thing.
Anyone who's not even a bit apprehensive about being someone's father is lying, stupid or both.
You're on the right track. You'll think of this when you hold the kid.
Best wishes, Dad!!!
Bill
2006-12-31 15:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't MAKE yourself bond. Love cannot be forced.
If you really doubt that the baby is biologically yours, you must first deal with that issue. If you choose to be a father to the baby--"yours" or not-- then just be sure you are mature enough to do that...that you won't resent an innocent baby for something the mom may have done.
Lots of fathers (natural and otherwise) really don't get into the baby as much as the mom before it is born--- for obvious reasons. Being present at the birth helps a great deal--- doing for the baby and spending time with it when it is tiny increases your love for it.
Go slow... love will gradually grow on its own if you take care of the baby. Relationships are not born overnight.
2006-12-31 16:01:15 · answer #3 · answered by Rani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I worked with a lady who didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 4 months along. The dad was some kind of gangster with 5 kids already. She could not bond with that baby either. She went thru the process of adoption; had a family picked out and all.
She told me that it made her question herself that she could carry a baby and feel literally NOTHING towards it.
Once that baby was born though...she had a completely 360. She ended up keeping the baby and loves him to bits!
You can not make yourself feel something you don't feel. But, you also can not predict how you might feel when you see that baby.
The paternity should not matter. The child is yours either way!
2006-12-31 16:23:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anne A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't unusual for a guy not to feel especially bonded to a child prior to delivery. After all, you can't feel the little sucker the way a woman can. Believe me though, when you're there in the delivery room and you hear your baby's first cries--you'll bond. And when the baby looks up at you with his/her big eyes and smiles at you because you're the greatest person in the world to him or her--you'll REALLY bond. Nature makes them cute for a reason.
2006-12-31 15:55:00 · answer #5 · answered by brypri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend time with the mom as much as possible - feel good in doing things for her that will help her become a better mom for the baby too.
Spend as much time with the baby in the first year, it's shown to have the best results with people who are later determined to be good fathers.
2006-12-31 15:59:45 · answer #6 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there r a couple ways 2 answer that first off u need 2 wait till u see it u will feel totally different.thats for a parent that wants something 2 do with there child . the other is u may never some people are just not parent material.
2006-12-31 15:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by nikki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you mean you dont know who the dad is??? Because you still know it is yours and thats all that should matter with you being able to bond with the baby. Just keep telling yourself this is my blood and nothing else matters.
2006-12-31 15:52:04 · answer #8 · answered by goodmommy22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus 100% on the baby, all the other answers will fall into place.
2006-12-31 16:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by gromeo747 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I read your question earlier and you are the parent regardless, Not to be religious but our creator gives us things in our lives sometimes as gifts, regardless who the father is you are meant to be the mother. I would focus all your energy on the positives of this and leave the rest in the hands of the creator.
2006-12-31 16:43:47 · answer #10 · answered by babyboyz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's 100% MATERNITY the paternity is secondary - try looking at the situation that way!
2006-12-31 15:54:10 · answer #11 · answered by renclrk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋