I am needing help with figuring out how to help my mother. I feel many things are wrong.?

Question

I don't know who to contact. ?? Here's a list of concens:
always sick-tells family she has every health problem know-when family asks about tests results, etc...no answer or info given--I am thinking Munchasuen Syndrome?? Drinks daily and takes a great deal of medication while drinking-lately she has done so around us and she acted very out of it-caused harm to our child at one point-lies about everything-depressed-threatened to kill her husband-gambling problem-kicked off the "boat" for being drunk-excuses for everything-states she was raped by my father when younger and that is why she has problems-been married 3x and all bad marriages-she cheated--but will tell her parents crazy lies about the other-manipulates me-i told her I wasn't going to come around until she seeked helped-4 weeks later she told me she was seeing a therapist--found out she hasn't been-her parents are very elderly and they think the world of her (lost their son to suicude)--they believe every word that comes out of her mouth-abusive to me and my brother-physically and emotionally-at this point I don't believe a word out of her and I don't want to be around her-no one in my family will take the time to help, I feel helpless.

Answer 1

I see symptoms of alcoholism, clinical depression and potentially schizophrenia. But I'm not a professional, and since you asked I suspect you aren't either.

Basically, you must rally your family to the goal of having a proper intervention. If she has friends, get them involved, too. Arrange a time to surprise her and let her know that the reason you want her to become her best self (or go back to how she was, if she was ever great) is that you love her. If you didn't love her, you wouldn't care... I bet your family has just given up because each person feels powerless.

Together, you are power-FULL. Have a psychologist that you trust, one who won't pull the proverbial punches, at your intervention. If your mother continues to lie and be a wastrel (a generally bad person who does very little), cut her from your life like a cancer, and save anyone she may be hurting from her influence. If she makes a real effort and shows improvement, speak very well of her and encourage others to get more involved with her.

It's very easy for a person who feels alone to turn into a super-prick, because they naturally assume that they're unlovable and vile... so they become that, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Oh, and if you don't know any psychologists (and don't know anyone who does), call your local hospital -- they'll refer you to at least half a dozen, and you can meet with some of them to see who might best fit. A lot of doctors really want to help people, and they may even help for free.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

'Hello,
I am so sorry to hear all that your family is going through, as it is made harder by the fact that we love our Mothers.
This is definitely not Munchhausen Syndrome, that's a whole other disorder. With the drugs and alcohol, it's hard to know what behavior is really hidden by those crutches. But that would require seeing her sober. Besides which, alcohol and medications are not to be mixed. It's dangerous. I am assuming they are prescription med's. If so, I suggest you call the doctor that is prescribing these med's and advise him/her of your Mother's condition and that immediate help is needed. She needs some inpatient care, to get off the alcohol, adjust her med's, and get to the bottom of all this. Don't be afraid to call... she may get mad at you, they always do, but she will get over it and thank you for interceding. Call on Tuesday! However, in the meantime, if you find your Mother in an incoherent state of mind, call 911. She will be checked over physically, then, put into inpatient Psyche care for a 72 hour observation. Hopefully, this will be her wake up call.
I hope this has helped.
I wish you and your Mother all the best!
God Bless!

Answer 3

Your mother is an alcoholic and a drug user, and her excuse is the rape by her father but she definitly needs help! I don't know how you can get her to see the pain she is causing you and the rest of the family but some adult or maybe a group of family memebers needs to do what is called an Intervention. This consists of all the people who care & love your mom to get together w/out her knowing it and then bringing her to that place and they all confront her with the actions that she has been doing and laying it in the line that she go into treatment NOW or everyone is basucally done with her for good. Hopefully she will want to stop but it doesn't always go this way!The first step in AA recovery program is to admit that you have a problem if she can do this then she can seek help. YOU can go to Al-Anon which is a support group for teens of alcohlics etc... Good Luck!

Answer 4

I grew up with an insane mother too. You're not alone. What I learned is get on with your own life as best you can. It's hard as hell, but you've got to do it. If she won't help herself there's nothing anyone else can do. You can't change anyone else's behavior. You can however change your reaction to it. Don't allow a toxic parent to poison your life. Believe me, eventually people who do bad things pay for them and pay dearly. One day the tables will turn on her. Don't live because of her, live despite of her. You've got to play the cards you're dealt. If you can come through this with your head on straight you will have an emotional strength that few people will ever know. You'll be able to handle whatever else life throws at you with ease because you'll have been through worse and survived. Realize that you're not the only one. Get some therapy if you need it. Keep a journal. There are lots of books about this. And don't dwell on this. Focus on your own life. Living well is the best revenge!
Lots of luck to you. Take care of yourself and help your brother do the same.

Answer 5

She is very emotionally disturbed, obviously ...and it is time for you to find another place to live...her parents love her dearly, and probably would understand if you told them that you love her also, and that you love them...but that you can't stay around and watch her abuse and take any more of it either...the drinking and medication is probably the reason she is halucinating and has become a hypochondriac...she needs to learn how to forgive those that have harmed her, and start the healing process...she is going to destroy all of you and herself also...you should leave,..and pray for her......I don't know how old you are.....but if you are old enough to leave, I am sad to say, you should...but she needs to find the Lord in her life, to learn to stop lying, stop abusing drugs and alcohol, and stop abusing you children...she is a sinner, and needs to be forgiven,..it is easy for us to judge others, and forget the things that we are doing...but if you really can't stand it, then you must go and tell her to get some help from the Lord...and that you love her, ..but you just can't stand seeing her self destruct like this any more...

Answer 6

First let me tell you how sorry I am that you have to deal with such a hard situation, and tell you that I know what you are going through. My mother had bipolar and went through depression and drug abuse for many years. I wonder if possibly your mother is also suffering from bipolar. Let me just tell you that you truely need to help your mother to the best of your ability, I lost my mother last year to suicide and it has been the hardest thing ever to deal with. Take her to a mental health institute for an evaluation, you have to try to get her involved in a program. Now its no quarantee that she is going to continue but you must try. It's hard to help someone who doesn't want the help or doesn't admit to having a problem. I would definitly go to the mental health center in your area and see if they can help. My biggest advice is to not blame yourself, I've blamed myself many times and know inside there was nothing that I could do to change my mothers fate. Sometimes situations are just out of our control. I'm sorry you have to deal with this but just do your best, GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

YOUR MOTHER IS SICK. DEPENDING ON WHAT STATE YOU LIVE IN YOU CAN HAVE HER COMMITTED (at least for an evaluation). i have lived through what you are going through and i know it's hard but sometimes you have to use tough love on them.you don't say how old you are but i assume you are on your own.YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS. Make sure you're children are safe and accept the fact that you have a life that is seperate from hers.CALL THE NEAREST MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY AND LET THEM TAKE IT FROM THERE. SHE NEEDS HELP. GOD BLESS YOU.

Answer 8

I think in your own best interests you ought to minimize or sever your relationship with her.

She sounds like she is mentally ill and you can not force her to get treatment or get better, it also sounds like it has been going on for years.

I feel bad for you, she is your mother and you see a problem, but no one will help.

Step back, for your own good.

Answer 9

your mom definitely needs some help. is there someone that you & your brother trust that you could talk to about her? it's too much for you to deal with by yourself. i'm sorry that you are going through this and i hope that 2007 will be a better year for you.

Answer 10

i think you need to go to a phyciatrist..they help with people like that. i do think it is Munchasuen's. it sounds a whole lot like it. you should call a physciatrist and say that you are concerened with you mother, and ask to speak with a doctor (phyciatrist) and tell them what you told us here. speak to the doctor yourself. don't say anything of this to your mother first. call right away, (well after the new year). good luck
happy new year!