what do you do about inlaws that you can't stand?

Question

i mean i can't stand this woman and she hates me. we hated each other before i started dating this guy. do we HAVE to get along or can we just ignore each other forever? i'd rather never be around her ever. we live very close though. soo...can this work? my boyfriend agrees that she is very mean, however he still talks to her.

Answer 1

Hun, I'm sorry to say but your boyfriend will always talk to his mother, let me tell you a story, I had a run in with my own inlaws, physically, (both parents) and the next day all they needed to tell him was yeah they were wrong, but they never told me sorry, in fact we havent talked since, but all I know is I was not to blame, they came into my home and attacked me while trying to get him to leave me. I am still in this relationship however, we are okay, when his parents are out of the picture, but they will always be there. What you need to do is talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel, let him know that since you both live close to her that boundaries need to be set to make sure that she knows not to interfere in your relationship, and make sure that he does let her know otherwise it will get worse, and you could end up where I was, I would like to also refer you to a great website where you can get great insight into these kind of situations www.ihatemyinlaws.com the people on there are great and can also give you great advice. good luck

Answer 2

He talks to her because she is MOM. She is your inlaw. It's a package deal. She can make the choice of not seeing you either, but is she?
Even mean people are not mean all the time. She is mean for a reason. Find out why.
It isn't just you. People get mean sometimes because they don't understand something and don't know which way to turn. So they get grumpy. Find something in common and work on that as the foundation.
I know the same kind of lady. No husband, no kids anymore 3 full grown daughters(she can handle only so much time with them and then gets bored of them so drives them away.) and lives like a hermit. Goes out on dates, can handle the guy for a couple of weeks and then gives them the boot. In these kind of relationships you have to give more than you will receive to keep it going.

Answer 3

He still talks to her because she's family and you should respect that........but for you, it shouldn't have to be an issue. You don't have to like anyone that you don't want to.........but you may want to maintain some control just to keep the peace for his sake. I'm sure it's tough for him to deal with.......Hopefully, some day you and this woman can discuss your hatred for each other. Usually, it's either some misunderstanding or miscommunication that was overlooked. Sometimes, once the air is cleared or you both have laid it all on the table, a new relationship can be formed. It's worth a try. It takes more energy to hate someone than to like them.

Answer 4

If you want the guy you have to win over the mother(at least be civil) or it will never work with the guy in the long term. Only see her at family gatherings if possible and then stay on the other side of the room or in a different room all together.

Answer 5

I am in the same situation except my husband and I live with his mother (until we save up enough money to move out). We do not get along. I have had arguements with her and my husband sees it also. He still talks to her but ignores her for the most part also. She is getting the whole family against me. As long as you are your guy are in love and you thinks that his attitude will never change, go for it. I now what it is like and I have just ignored her adn hardly talked to her. If I can do and live in the same house as her, you ca nsurely do it also. Do not worry that he stills talks to her. It is his mom and that will never change.

Answer 6

She's not an in-law if you're not married. You can always end the relationship. Otherwise, you're going to have to deal with this woman. My advice is to make nice at all times. Do not be mean back. Do not fuel the fire. Let her be the mean, bitter one. You should rise above it by thinking that she is amusing. Try it. It works for me. Never let anger ruin your day.

Answer 7

I'm Portuguese ,my husband is from Oklahoma ,I'm 9 yrs older
First married yrs where pure hell ,they offer to send me back home first class ticket ,we have two children a boy and a girl .
My children don't know there grandparents ,now everything is fine my doing ,they trying to get it back they love the kids but they are strangers,I'm very olive skin my husband Blondie blue eyes ,they call me black.I made piece for my husband sake ,and children ,tell you the truth i really could care less ,but I'm very civil and kind .

Answer 8

I know where you're coming from with this one, only it's his dad. He's an absolute jackass. What I do is just avoid him whenever possible, but if I'm forced to be around him or worse, talk to him, just play it cool, be polite and make the best of it. If you love your man enough, you just gotta play through it. Happy New Year! -Alyssa

Answer 9

I feel your pain as well. Try to have the least contact possible, and when it happens, think about something nice. Daydream. You could also blow them by making nice gifts to them occasionally, something they like or need very much. It is better to give than to receive. You do not have to like them, but you could be the "nice one" in this relationship. Ignore all aggression, and try to do your best to answer with a smile. This is very, very, very hard to do. I have done it and it hurts me inside, but I have children and I am not going to deny my children their grandparents.
Just think about it, at least. It could make her really think about you to see how "odd" you act, at least. It might give her a different perspective of you. Good luck.

Answer 10

Ignore her. Or better yet, first chance you get tell her off. If she lives close, then move far away. I've been through this before. I divorced after 11 years of marriage, alot of it had to do with "his" family.