He's changed completely since he left. I have rules, keep tabs on him & refuse to let him run wild. Being 15 the judge let him choose, "dad's house of party" vs "Mom's house w/rules" dad got custody. I've called the cops, CPS & his school. No 1 cares!
Due to age, I have no chance of getting him back.
The worst part is today is his 16th birthday. I planned to call him at 8:20 AM time of birth, but got busy & missed it. I always had big parties for him w/min. $200 fireworks. I invited the X & X-inlaws. If they have plans, they won't tell me. Every call turns into a huge fight. So, do I call him & say "happy birthday, love you, bye" Or leave him alone? I miss & love him so much! But the rejection is more than I can stand. Should I spend today remembering the boy I raised for 15.5 years & not what's he's become in the last 6 months?
2006-12-31 06:43:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This situation must be heartbreaking for you, I experienced something similar with my (then) fourteen year old daughter. All I can tell you is to keep an eye on things, as long as he is relatively safe, you may have to settle for that for now. This may just be a phase he will grow out of, my daughter eventually did and saw her Dad for the loser he is. Keep communicating with him and left him know you Love him and will suport him emotionally, no matter what. Hopefully as he matures he will make better choices, after all you parented him for the first 15.5 years and he will have your values, even if he's not yet living them. It's not you he's rejecting, he's just exploiting the lack of rules at his Dads.
2006-12-31 06:50:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to earn his trust and respect. You do know that if a parent pressures on too much and overpowers their kid too much, they can break and they become even farther and farther away. Not all teenagers understand this, but some do that all parents are trying to do is help and protect. But he's at the age now where he feels that he has rights now and he doesn't need you or anyobdy matter of fact that his friends are cooler then you and that his father treats him the way he wants to be treated. But I think that the father should be a bit more strict with the partying. He may be 16 and it is the start of adulthood, even though some think it's 18, but what he really needs is a friend. The friends he hangs out with now are pot heads as you call them, but a child also gets ticked if you call their friends pot heads. There are children out there who value their friends more then their own family. Shocking but true, they feel as if their friends is their family, and their family, is a pain in the butt, and naggers. To prevent such thought, give your child space, breathing space, not fuss all over them but also know that you're there, and that you know that their 16 and they are going through a lot that you in your lifetime probably would have never experienced, that you are there and will be there no matter what and that you love him, he may feel the same way but thinks that it's stupid to show feeling. This generation is "generation X" and whether or not parents like it, they should realize that raising children now and 5 or 10 years ago is different. That each child is different. I think that your child can be saved, if he finds a friend or maybe falls in love with a girl, someone who does the right things and someone whoom he can admire. That can be you, or he can meet someone like that. He's got to know the line between right and wrong even if it's fun. A tennager will remember all of the "bad" things a parent does to them, so just tell him that your calling, you don't want to fight, make it a little emotoinal so that he'll want to sort of hear it, and speak softly but with care that you want to wish him a happy birthday because you cherish him and thank god that he was born and a part of your life. You want to be connected with your child to where they can go to you and cry on your shoulder no matter what age they are and spill out their heart to you without you being mad, but so they know you care. That, I think is a major goal for any parent. For their child to give them that much respect and trust and inspiration.
2006-12-31 07:00:58 · answer #2 · answered by sweet&&simplistic 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Call him make it very simple by just wishing him a happy birthday. Don't try and pry, as it could be he's found some new freedom that is a bit hard for him to handle. Sounds like he's going through a adjustment stage. In cases like these I always go by the old nursery rhyme Mary Had a Little Lamb - leave them alone and they'll come home.
Underneath that interior I can assure you he is still your little boy. What you have done for him in that 15.5 years is embedded in him so deep that even six months and or 20 years could undo it. There is nothing stronger than a mother's love.
2006-12-31 07:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends on what those different things are, how important they are to each of you, how prepared each of you is to compromise, how much you can talk to each other and come to agreements about these things, how much you respect each other's wishes about the future (even if those wishes are different from your own/his own). Are we talking about shared things here like whether to get married, have kids, whether to move to another city far away from your friends, whether to adopt a different religion, and so on? Or are we talking about the two of you having different hobbies, different ambitions where work is concerned, different views on exercise and health, and so on? I think the first case can be disasterous if the 2 of you can't reach an agreement. If one or both of you is dogmatic about what he/she wants and will not bend or compromise for the other person in the relationship then the want is cherished more than the girl/boyfriend - and that will probably lead to a lot of future frustration and probably heartache. In the second case then there is no real problem. You are just different people with different ways but there need be no incompatibility there. You can go cycling in the hills with friends while he spends solitary time at home for days on end playing the stock market. No problem! You'll be together at the end of the day.
2016-05-23 00:06:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to know what state you are in that the law doesn't care that he smokes pot. Anyway, I would make an attempt to say happy birthday to him. He is going through the same stage we all go through as teenagers-rebellion and it sounds like dad is supporting it to keep him on the same page. I say love him the best you can and when he gets older and wiser, he will see who had his best interests at heart. Do you get visitation? Maybe you should try for that and make the best of it. This sounds strange to me because if a 15 year old could make this decision to just leave mom for no reason, then all children from broken homes would do it.
2006-12-31 06:50:26 · answer #5 · answered by Angela F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not have a legal option of getting him back but pushing to hard may just drive him farther away. If he gets into legal trouble you can be sure he will turn to you unless you have pushed him to far away. I gather you do not have a very god relationship with his father. This is not the time for the blame game. Back off and let him make his own mistakes. The hardest thing in life is to let our children go. Let him know that it hurts you to watch the direction he is going but that you will respect his decision, if he ever needs you he knows where to find you. Keep an eye on things and hope and pray he lives through this.
2006-12-31 07:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by j.m.glass 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's hard to say the least. Call him and let him know you love him. Don't let him draw you into a fight and make sure he knows you're there for him. It may not seem like it will matter to him but it will. He's still the boy you raised, he's just going through changes.
2006-12-31 06:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by papatorque 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im the same age and his behavior might be due to stress, or his friends (most probable) too. when u get into a fight, u can talk seriously but DONT YELL, or raise your voice. it makes him hate even more. try getting his father to set rules and the only way u can get him better is to talk to him on how his life will be if he dont stop with drugs, u need to talk to him calmly about it but dont push. have his father do the same and try to get an understanding of things, the way that he sees them.
2006-12-31 06:53:26 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call him and wish him a happy birthday. He is still a kid and may be angry with the entire divorce matter. Don't ignore or abandon him, even if he is nasty towards you. Chances are he will mature with age and come to terms with his feelings.
2006-12-31 06:57:18 · answer #9 · answered by Earnesty_in_life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call him and wish him a Happy Birthday from you and me
2006-12-31 06:51:10 · answer #10 · answered by hotLove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋