I am in need of funny sayings?

Question

For example you know the fake confucious sayings like

"Confucious says man who sleeps with itchy but wake up with stinky finger."

I would like stuff like that

Answer 1

Confucious says baseball is wrong, man cannot walk with four balls.

Answer 2

Confucious says... Man who walks around with hand in pocket feeling cocky all day.

Answer 3

OK, I just mailed you so I could send you a file.

Here is a sample of the several thousand that will be included.

WHERE IN THE WORLD DOES THE GUY WHO HAS EVERYTHING PUT IT?
WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S INHERITANCE TAX
WHOEVER ROWS THE BOAT DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO ROCK IT
WHY ARE CREDITOR’S MEMORIES BETTER THEN DEBTORS?
WHY ARE TODAY’S ROUGH TIMES ALWAYS TOMORROW’S GOOD OLD DAYS?
WHY DO EXPENSES ALWAYS RISE TO MEET INCOME?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK?
WHY DOES BREAD ALWAYS FALL BUTTER SIDE DOWN?
WHY DOES THE OTHER LANE ALWAYS MOVE FASTER?
WHY DOES THE OTHER LINE ALWAYS MOVE FASTER?
WHYME.EXE Fatal character flaw. Kick in ASCII? (Y/N)
WIN WITHOUT BOASTING AND LOSE WITHOUT EXCUSE
WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN
WISDOM..KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU KNOW
WISE MEN CHANGE THEIR MINDS, FOOLS NEVER
WOMAN.DOC May change without notice.
WOMAN.ZIP Great pgm, but takes forever to unZIP.
WOMAN.ZIP Shareware version may have viruses.
WRINKLES ARE SURE SIGNS OF WHERE SMILES HAVE BEEN

Answer 4

Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly.

Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone.

Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.

Answer 5

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do.
Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly.
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.
He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Answer 6

People who think they know everything are very annoying to the ones of us who do.

Answer 7

????????

ok