Can you read the following situation and tell me some tips, ideas, etc.??
2006-12-31 04:59:49 · 18 answers · asked by Michael 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My g/f was raped by a two close friends about 6 months ago. She has been through consuling and all. She is becoming her normal self again. She has been asking me is I am ok eventhough we haven't had sex and I said yes, I am fine. She says she really wants to have sex. Should I?? How should I expect her to react??(ie- will it remind her of the last guy, will she be freaked out from flashbacks)
I want to do what will help her and she says this will.
Please give me some advice!! (thanx!!)
Sometimes when I touch her a certain way, she still get freaked out. I have told her I won't leave her if we don't have sex, but she still wants to have sex. Should I??
I don't want to cause her more pain than I would be helping her.
I have told her many times I could wait forever but she still wants to.
Not everytime I touch her, just certain ways scare her.
I just don't want to make her feel scared or vulnerable. The I will feel like shi.t
2006-12-31 05:01:05 · update #1
I find I love her nore more than ever(even though the sex is gone) and don't want to ruin what we have. What Do I do??
2006-12-31 05:01:49 · update #2
She didn't want to pursue any criminal actions so I didn't make her.
2006-12-31 05:04:49 · update #3
if she feels she is ready then I say go ahead, just whatever you do dont mention anything about it while you two are doing anything. This will only being it back to her. Try to keep her mind focused on what you two are doing and not what happened to her. People can make love again after being raped, just when they are ready. So, yes go ahead and if she starts getting upset stop and be there to console her. If she is not getting upset dont mention anything that would make her think about the rape.
2006-12-31 05:06:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There will be a lot of things that will remind her of what happened. It's OK, she will never forget what happened but she needs to get on with her life. If she wants to have sex with you it would be OK. Just remember that she may or may not go through with it on the first try. Just be patient, sounds like you are patient with her, and the most important thing to give to her is trust. Just let her know that she can trust you. I would imagine you do feel extra close to her because you know all the trauma she is going through. She is sharing her pain with you. You sound like a really nice young man. I am sure you will do the right thing.
2006-12-31 13:09:02 · answer #2 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was raped when i was 16, i am 27 now. At first it was hard to still have sex with my bf. so we did take time off from it. But if she still wants too, ask her what you shouldn't do before hand. Ask her what she would like during. That way, you will know what will freak her out and what won't.
2006-12-31 13:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by mozartbuffy69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is a tough one but i think that you should talk to her and make sure that she definitely knows ...just tell her how much you love her and that you would never hurt her. Make sure she knows that first and then if she still says she wants to do it only if you feel you should. do you feel like she is ready yet???
Just remember that when you do ....when u start to just ask her if she is ok as you start. I think that her saying that she wants to have sex just gooes to show she does trust you...You sound like such a sweet guy and no one knows her better than u do so I think u should try what I said or do what YOUR HEART tells you to do. Good Luck Sweetie
2006-12-31 13:09:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she should have as much time to wait as she needs, but if she wants to you two should talk about it first. Try not to seem like you dont want to because of her past but let her know that you are there for her and you dont want to pressure her into anything she doesnt want to, but if she says she still wants to then everything should be fine. Good Luck.
2006-12-31 13:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she says she's ready she is getting back to her normal self but, she still needs time. Take it as easy as possible and if you remember what freaks her don't do it.Be extra tender to her but behave as normal as possible so as to make it something natural between you two and not a psychological experiment
2006-12-31 13:15:38 · answer #6 · answered by Tess@ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd probably wait a while longer. Maybe she isn't ready for it, If when you touch her some times she gets scared. When you do have sex with her it might bring flash backs that neither of you want her to have. (especially if she isn't ready.)
2006-12-31 13:35:33 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs.Beckford 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she says she is ready for sex, then go for it. But take it easy though. If she starts freaking out, then stop. And then when your 2 hopefully ex-friends get out of jail, beat the hell out of them.
2006-12-31 13:06:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just wait until she initiates it first. When she start tearing your clothes off then she is ready. She might be saying it now, but maybe she doesn,t really mean it. Let her touch you first. Until then, get the lotion.
2006-12-31 13:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by 3boys,&3girls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her how you feel and explain too her that you like the relationship just the way that it is. make sure that she knows that she is the most important thing to you and that you dont want to ruin it with something that she is still uncomfortable with.
2006-12-31 13:07:34 · answer #10 · answered by Dara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋