fallen out with my sister?

Question

I have never got on with my sisters husband they have been married almost 20 years, however i have just toleraed him . But this christmas i saw red with his sarcastic attitude and told my sister what i felt she has now stoppped speaking to me and my family and will not accept that he is arrragent and rude

Answer 1

Whatever
someday I am sure the truth will come out and ur sister will see how rude her husband is.
don't worry find a way to make up with ur sister and ignore her husband

Answer 2

Let her get on with things, he maybe a completely different person when they are alone together,and it may be that he doesn't like any of you and just tolerates you.

but at the end of the day your sister is your sister, i don't know how close you are but you will always be there for one another and men & marriages aren't always forever!

Write her a letter(that way you can get all you have to say out of the way without any arguments or interupptions), not a nasty one! explain how upset you are, your opinions of her husband (try not to be too rude!) and explain that you really dont want to lose her over a silly argument and maybe she should listen to the majority rather than the minority as you and your family are only looking out for her because they love her

good luck!

Answer 3

What a horrible situation. I can identify.
A few things to remember:
1. This is your sister's husband. To criticize him is to criticize HER. She can't help but take it personally. Whether you can understand it or not, that's how it is with marriage. Even if I was livid with my husband over something, I'd still tear the eyeballs out of anyone who bad-mouthed him.
2. Perhaps your approach put her on the defensive. If you were angry at the time that you told your sister how you felt, your tone, choice of words, etc. may have caused her to instantly put her protective guard up. Once you cool off, say things like "I felt hurt", or "It made me feel like he hates me," rather than "He has no right to say that to me!" or "why is he so mean?" Put the comments in a "me" phrase rathern than a "he" phrase.
3. Most likely she is not blind to his faults, but what's she supposed to do? After all, she has to live with him! When you confronted your sister regarding her husband, you forced her to choose between the two of you (whether you meant to do do this or not). How can she win either way?

Sometimes I find it best to write a letter rather than talk face to face or over the phone. It's easier to choose your words more carefully and in a way that will not seem like you are attacking her. Let her know how your husband's comments upset and hurt you.

By the way, if the husband is offending you, try approaching him instead if you haven't already (perhaps by letter is the best if he tends to get your dander up). Let him know that his behavior hurts and upsets you and that you really want everyone to get along. Once you've done your part, the ball's in his court. Who knows what kind of baggage he's dealing this way that made him so insecure that he feels a need to behave this way.

Answer 4

My wife fell out with her sister 18 months ago after she had taken my wife for a ride for 3 years in a joint business venture. She (my sister in law) was happy to reap the benefits of a regular income while my wife did the majority of the work. When, eventually, challenged on the injustice of this arrangement she threw her dollies out of the pram and has played the victim ever since. I have cancer and a compromised life expectancy but despite the heartache and stress this has obviously caused my wife and our children, she is still pigheaded enough to continue her childish vendetta. God forbid she should ever have any serious trauma in her life as I don't think she could possibly cope. She is a smallminded, ignorant, self righteous ***** who needs to consider what is important in life. We cannot possibly choose our family but thank goodness we have such great friends who are better than that and love and support us through everything.

Answer 5

they have been married this long for reasons of their own and you have to accept that (tolerate as you said ) you must accept their reasons without understanding the emotions involved because one day it may creep up on you from behind and stab you in the back just when you least expect it , you have never been there and heard/seen what they are like together alone and the things they talk about, you would be verrry surprised if you were a fly on the wall , so just keep on pretending (for the benefit of the family)(tolerate) and let them do what they want without your INFLUENCE because if he is so bad she will see it eventually and if she dosent or seems not to then perhaps it must be love and that is something i believe that no one has the right to take away from anyone no matter who you are

Answer 6

some people just don't get along. also, if you don't enjoy being around a person -- don't put yourself thru it.

i would continue emailing or send a card to the sister with a nice note in it from time to time. and keep up whatever relationship you can have with her. invite her when youcan to do lunch for just you two.

the husband is at fault too, there's no reason to be a jerk at family get-togethers. the sister already knows her husband is a jerk and probably doesn't want to be reminded of it.

good luck.

Answer 7

Well thems is the breaks.
If your sister wants to live with someone arrogant and rude that is her burden.
You have your own family now you need not concern yourself with her anymore. If you have no other reason to be around but for presents at Christmas it ain't much of a relationship anyways.

Answer 8

Try to patch things up with your sister and get along it may take a few but remember family will be there for you when your friends will turn there back. Swollow your pride go to your sisters husband and tell him your sorrow if something was to happen to either of them it would stick with you for the rest of your life. I know you will do the right thing and everything will be fine

Answer 9

So what is your question? Was he doing something to you or were you just annoyed with him? If it was only annoyed, then you should have kept your mouth shut. If he was insulting your or doing something directly to you, then you should deal with the specific issue with the brother-in-law - not making hurtful gereralities and sweeping statements like "arrogant and rude". He is your sisters husband and you should respect both of them. Make ammends with your sister.

Answer 10

some people just don't like to see the nasty sides
along with the good ones(sure he has them as well, no?)
if she has a fantasy image,about him, her dream would probably fall apart

nothing you can do my friend, than accept it
if she ever is ready for this, she'll come back
in mean time dont let it spoil your life

happy new year! love your self ;)
don't let it be dependent on the love of others